Crash Into My Arms

It’d been a few hours since I’d arrived at Terry’s house, terrified of the man who had been following me. I now sat on the couch in the lounge room, watching a late night re-run of Hellcats. Just as the credits rolled up, Terry entered the room.

“Miseria?”
“Yeah?” I responded, looking over at her.
“I prepared Max’s bedroom for you, you can stay here tonight.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine, really, I should go home.” I said, getting up from the couch.
“Missy.” She spoke sternly. “I’m not letting you go back out into the night by yourself, you’re staying here.”
I sighed, and nodded in defeat.

She led me down the hall, and around the corner, to Max’s all-to-familiar room. I hadn’t been in here for three, nearly four years, and but for a change of sheets and pillow cases, and new curtains, it looked almost exactly the way I remembered it. The quilt on Max’s king single bed was pulled back, ready for me to crawl in.

“It’s going to be a little uncomfortable, sleeping in my jeans.” I spoke.
“Hold on a minute.” Said Terry, leaving the room briefly, returning a moment later with one of Max’s old shirts, and a pair of her own pyjama pants. “Here.” She smiled, handing them to me.
“Thanks.” I forced a smile, taking the clothes from her.
“Goodnight, sleep well.” She said, and left me alone in Max’s room.

I sat down on the bed, taking my time as I changed out of my clothes and into Max’s old shirt, and Terry’s pyjama pants. A familiar smell met my nostrils, and I felt a lump well up in my throat. I remembered that smell; Lynx: Sharp Focus, the deodorant Max always wore, the smell still lingered in his shirt.

I walked across the room, and switched off the light, closing the door till it latched, and returned to the bed, burying myself under the covers. Alone in the dark, a memory I still held so close to my heart resurfaced in my mind. I’d tried to repress it, but lying in the same bed I’d been in that night when I was fourteen years old, I couldn’t shut it out;

Max and I had just returned home from seeing Bridge To Terebithia in theatres. The both of us were wiped, and after being out in the cold night air, were eager to crawl into a nice warm bed and sleep. It was too late for me to go home, and so Terry said I was more than welcome to stay the night. I followed Max into his room, where he crawled under the covers of his bed.

“Are you going to bed now?” I asked.
“Yeah.” He said. “Have a good sleep; the sofa’s pretty comfy, goodnight.” He said, rolling over. “Turn the light off on your way out.”

When I didn’t leave the room and turn out the light, Max spoke again.

“Miseria?”
“I don’t want to sleep alone.” I admitted. “I… I want to sleep with you.” I thought about what I said, and quickly added; “Well, I don’t mean sleep with you as in… well… yeah… I mean, actually sleep.”
He laughed, and rolled over, moving aside, and pulling the covers back. “Crawl in.” He smiled.

I returned the smile, and turned out the light, before crawling into bed with him. As I laid down and got comfortable, Max sat up suddenly, pulling off his shirt, before laying back down again. He rolled over once more, so his back was facing me.

“Goodnight, Missy.” He said.
“Goodnight, Max.” I whispered.
“Don’t spoon me.” He joked.

We laid in silence for awhile, and I eventually rolled over so my back was facing his. I cuddled the pillow, desperately wanting to cuddle him, but knowing I shouldn’t, considering he’d asked me not to “spoon” him. Suddenly, I felt Max’s foot brush my leg and he rolled over, and wrapped an arm around me.

“I thought you said no spooning.” I smirked.
“Yeah well… Shh!” He laughed quietly.

I rolled over, so I was facing him, breathing in his smell, and bathing in the warmth radiating off his body. My hand slowly edged towards him, courageously tracing his muscled chest and abs. He moaned quietly, seeming to enjoy it, which made me relax a little. Suddenly, Max rolled over on top of me, pinning me down on the mattress.

His body heaved with his heavy breathing, as did mine, as I continued to run my fingers along his skin. He ran a hand down my side, burying his head in my neck, and I felt his breath on my skin. I felt him grow hard, but just as he attempted to rub against me, I pulled back.

“We shouldn’t.” I whispered.
“I thought you wanted this?”
“I do, Max, I do, I want to be with you, more than anything.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“We’re only fourteen.” I breathed. “We’re far too young.”
He remained silent for awhile, before speaking again. “You’re right.”

He rolled off me, and laid down beside me. I edged closer to him, and he put an arm around me as I rested my head upon his bare chest. I wrapped my free arm around him, and closed my eyes. I was happy, I was content, I was where I had wanted to be for so long. I knew he didn’t love me, but just being in his arms was enough.

“I love you.” I whispered, before drifting into a deep, peaceful sleep…

It was only a few years ago, though it felt like a million years ago now. I was thankful I hadn’t given my virginity to Max that night; it would have destroyed me, given that he’d been with Nikola during the time that night had happened. It would have torn me apart, to have given my all to him, only to find out he was with my best friend.

But he’d still torn me up, wounded me, and left me broken hearted and alone. My heart stung with the pain of another memory, one still so clear in my mind, one I’d never be able to shut out, no matter how hard I tried;

Not a single speck of blue could be seen in the darkened, cloud-covered grey sky that day. I shivered in my white spaghetti strap dress and torn blue jeans, completely soaked through from the rain. Tears ran down my face as I knelt before Max, begging him on my knees, pleading him not to leave.

“Please, Max.” I sniffled. “Please, don’t go.”
“I have to go, Miseria!” He snapped. “This is your own fault!”
“Max, please, I’m sorry!” I cried. “I can’t lose you!”
“You should have thought about that before you fucked with mine and Nikola’s relationship, why couldn’t you just be happy for us? You were our best friend, a true friend would have supported us, but instead, you tried every attempt to sabotage what we had! I’ve lost her now; I can never forgive you for that!”
“I wish I could take it back, but I can’t!” I croaked. “But Max, I love you, please don’t go!”
“Goodbye, Miseria.”
“Max, wait!” I grabbed his shirt, but he ripped my hand away.

I watched him get into his grandmother’s car, and ran to the end of the driveway. The rain continued to fall as I watched them drive away, it was a final, painful end to our friendship. I fell to my kness as I felt my heart truly break for the very first time in my life…

My stupid mistakes had cost me a best friend and a friendship with a guy I’d have given my whole life for. I thought I’d moved on when I fell for Sky months later, but being in Max’s bed tonight, breathing in his familiar smell; it made me realize; I had never truly moved on. Tears began to spill from my eyes, and my body heaved as I cried myself to sleep…