Crash Into My Arms

The familiar, all-too clean smell of detergent filled my nostrils as I stepped through the automatic doors of Newark General Hospital. The hallways were empty with the quiet of morning, and so the only sound was the clack, clack, clack of my shoes as I made my way through the winding corridors to the Intensive Care ward. I turned into one of the private rooms.

There he lay, propped up on his pillows; Gerard. His skin yellowing with the sickness and his veins seeming to protrude through his flesh. His hair was lifeless and thinning. He coughed, and quickly as he could in his weakened state, he reached over and spat out a small mouthful of blood.

My heart broke. Mikey wasn’t lying; Gerard was dying. I watched as he slowly edged himself back into the position he had been in, flinching briefly at the indescribable pain he was in. His eyes were droopy; all the light, all the hope, all the happiness I was so used to seeing in them; completely gone. Replaced only by a look of defeat.

I slowly made my way over to his bed. He heard my footsteps, and turned his head my way. A small and quite weak smile spread across his lips. He reached out to me as I drew closer. When I came within reach, I grabbed his hand, tight, but not too tight, taking into consideration how weak he was.

“You came.” He spoke, his voice was hoarse, raspy and strained.
“I did.” I murmured.
“I missed you.” His voice cracked and became a whisper. “I didn’t think I was going to get to see you at least one last time.”
“Don’t talk like that!” I snapped, though not aggressively. “You’re going to get better, they can treat this, you’re going to pull through-” I stammered on, but he interrupted me.
“No, Miz, it’s too late.” He breathed. “I told you before, it’s terminal, there’s nothing they can do.”
“You can’t die.” I croaked, and I felt the tears threatening from the corners of my eyes. “You can’t, I need you.” I sniffled.
“I wish I had told you sooner.” He was crying now. “I should have never become your friend, you never would have fallen for me and you would never know this pain, I would have been just another face that passed you by in life.”
“I don’t regret meeting you for a second.” The tears began to fall, leaving wet trails down my cheeks. “You gave me my life back, even if only for a little while.” I swallowed hard. “But I know, that once you’re gone, I don’t think I’ll ever see the light again.”
“Hey.” He whispered. “I might not be here for much longer, I’ll be gone soon, but don’t give up hope, please.” He begged.
“How am I supposed to carry on without you?” I asked. “I almost gave up, but then I met you and you became my reason to live.” I confessed. “When you’re gone, I’ll have nothing left.”
“You have more than enough reason to live.” He rasped. “You have a healthy heart, healthy lungs, healthy blood pulsing through your veins, a fully functional brain, two arms, two legs, eight fingers, two thumbs, and ten toes.”
I laughed at his light joke about my anatomy.
“Your existence is more than enough reason to live.” He breathed.
“I can’t bear to live in a world where you don’t exist.” I spoke. “I have once before, and it almost killed me.” I croaked.
“Promise me something.” Gerard whispered.
“Anything.”
“Promise me that when I’m gone, you’ll live on, that no matter how far you may fall into despair, you’ll stay alive.” His expression was deadly serious, urging me with a single look to keep my promise.
“I’ll try.” Was the only answer I could give.
“Promise me!” He begged. “That you won’t just try, that you will stay alive!”
I nodded, and although I wasn’t entirely sure if I would be able to keep the promise, it seemed to be enough for him. “You promise me something in return.” I said.
“Anything, Miseria.”
“Promise me you won’t give up, that you will fight as hard as you can, to stay alive as long as you can.”
“I promise you.” He rasped. “I am fighting with all my might; I should be dead already, to be honest.”

My heart sank at those words and the tears overwhelmed me, consumed me. I began to cry hysterically, once again. I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him as tight as I could without hurting him. My hands dug into his hair, and I continued to cry into his shoulder.

“I love you, so much.” I whimpered.