This Is Not a Test

An older boy who looked to be about twenty three was hunched over the edge of his bed, staring down at his bedroom floor as he listened to his mind trying to bring itself together again for the day. It was a daunting task and at the moment wasn't working very effectively mixed in with the guilt laced throughout his thoughts.

"Are you asleep or just alone?" his mind asked him and he gave a shrug of his shoulders.

"Clear this room from your lungs," his mind insisted upon him and he got up, throwing a clean set of clothes on before exiting out of his apartment. His keys jingled in his pants pocket against his leg, playing an annoying rhythm that made the boy want to pull his hair out as he walked.

"Hey buddy, wake up! My God!" A person in a car abused him as he walked out onto the road before having looked up from the ground. He nodded at the person and quickened his pace slightly, doing up the jacket he had on as he crossed the road quickly. The person in the car merely shook their head before driving off. He went to a lolly store and brought a packet of sugary sticks that looked like cigarettes, sticking one of them in his mouth as he exited the store and chewed on it lightly.

"My brothers and sisters, it's not too late to come clean and get it off your chest!" He heard someone preaching from a small PA system in the park and avoided it at all costs. He didn't need to be told from a stranger he was worth saving, his mind said otherwise and the glances people cast in his direction confirmed it. The mobile phone he'd forgotten was in his jacket vibrated as a friend called. He found a heavily graffiti-ed chair to sit on before answering it.

"Hello?" He questioned down the phone and he heard the voice of the victim that had instilled so much guilt within him.

"Damien, hi. I was just thinking about the other day and I think it's time for us to talk." The girl stated and Damien buried his head in his hands, sighing as his mind sang quietly to itself.

"Time is shorter than you know, Lisa. Trust me." Damien replied and ran a hand through his hair. She'd made him feel guilty, told him it was his fault she had moved on without him. He believed it to a certain degree but this conversation they were having made him reconsider how he felt about it all.

"I know, the light is blinding to the naked eye, you've told me a million times. You're coming unglued and I think you need to take steps away from being alone." Lisa explained to him and Damien glared down at the footpath his feet were tapping against.

"Lisa, You're staring truth in the face you know? Your own truth, not mine." Damien spat and heard Lisa moving down the line.

"Listen, there's got to be some stable ground left to walk on, you just need to pull yourself together. We can get through this, just try reaching for the hand to pull you out." Lisa tried reasoning with him but Damien smiled, eyes still locked in a glare. He didn't want to hear it.

"It's all worth reaching for and it's not too late for you, Damien." Lisa sighed and exhaustion laced the barely audible sound of the breath leaving her lips.

"I'm sleeping in a bed of shame at the moment because of what happened." Damien murmured down the line and Lisa quickly threw in her rebuttal.

"So let the light breathe some new life into your room, open the curtains and step outside your box. It's not that hard." She smiled and Damien could practically hear the grin resting on her lips.

He didn't want to really accept what had happened, but she was trying to convince him to do otherwise. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared hard at the screen with the time of their call going up further as he concentrated on it. Anger flew through him like a pigeon through the air and he put the phone to his ear again.

"You're busy living now, aren't you? You're busy making vows for him. Tear another page from the book while we 'discuss' this, won't you?" He growled to her and he heard a heavy sigh emit itself into their argument.

"Just wake up to the situation, Lisa. It's the only thing that keeps you coming back, the fact that you haven't woken up to this situation is what makes it an insatiable taste. You're staring truth in the face, like I said before, so why don't you wake up to it already?" He told her before murmuring a quick goodbye and hanging up.

Damien ran a hand through his hair again and pocketed his phone, glad to be rid of the situation for the moment, though he knew this could go on for another month at the most until she finally gave up trying with him. The guilt he felt before was replaced with anger and he clenched his fists until the knuckles turned white. He seethed and unclenched them, pulling his phone out of his pocket and deciding to quickly turn it off lest another conversation begin with her. As he placed the phone back in it's place, he grabbed another lolly from the still full packet in his pocket. He got up off the bench and began walking back to his apartment, sucking the sugary snack slowly before crossing the road and going back through the dark green doors. He was sure his lungs were filled with polluted air now, anyways.