Please Don't Cross Me, I Asked Nicely

December 6, 2009

I hadn't been myself since mom's death. I kept my grades up, but I started cutting myself off from everyone. I didn't want to talk about her being gone, but I knew she was. She was dead and would never come back.

Apparently, mom had pneumonia as well, but it was really bad along with the leukemia, it didn't help. Her heart gave out, just as Dad said it did.

We had her funeral the following weekend of her death, but I didn't cry. I almost didn't go to it, but Mel and Nick convinced me otherwise.

Nick and I barely talked, but I knew he was just waiting for me to talk when I was ready. Mel and I were the same way, but I knew I kept her up whenever I'd cry myself to sleep at night but that ended about a week ago.

As for Vic and I... things were the same except they weren't. We hadn't talked at all. Lately, though, Nick had been there for her, as well. Mel continued to keep her distance from Vic because she didn't feel comfortable about trusting her which I understood.

Today however, was a Monday and Nick wanted to see me. I had no idea what he wanted, but I consented to seeing him.

I walked across the campus in a pair of thick, grey sweat pants, a long-sleeve, purple shirt, a coat and my boots to the student lounge surprised to see us as the only ones in the place.

“Nick, what are you doing?” I asked in a sad, thick tone as I swallowed with my dry throat, unable to help it since I've barely talked in the past month.

Nick was in a pair of plain, dark blue denim jeans, black and white converses and a black t-shirt. He had a red rose in his hands with a black ribbon tied on it and a piece of paper in the other. My eyes quickly scanned it as I saw it to be Mom's obituary.

I took a shaky breath as he handed the items to me, kissing my lips before he walked on stage to his electric guitar before he began playing and singing.

I walked across a crowded street,
seeing the lines that kept through me,
and I saw you in the middle.

Your upset face, you wear it well,
you camouflage the way you feel,
when everything's the matter.

We've all been down that road before,
searching for that something more.

World's are spinning around,
there's no sign of slowing down,
so won't you take a breath?
just take a breath.

People change and promises are broken,
clouds can move and skies will be wide open,
don't forget to take a breath!

Tears filled my eyes as I knew what this song was about. Me.

Blink our eyes, life's rearranged,
to our surprise it's still OK
it's the way things happen.

Summer comes and then it goes,
hold on tight and brace for cold,
and it's only for a moment!

We've all been down that road before,
searching for that something more!

World's are spinning around,
there's no time to slow it down,
so won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.

People change and promises are broken,
clouds can move and skies will be wide open,
don't forget to take a breath!

Life isn't suffocating,
air isn't over-rated!

Worlds are spinning around,
there's no sign of slowing down,
so won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.

World's are spinning around,
there's no time of slowing down,
so won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.

Take a breath!

People change and promises are broken,
clouds can move and skies will be wide open,
don't forget to take a breath!

Worlds are spinning around,
there's no sign of slowing down,
so won't you-
Don't forget to take a breath!

Don't forget to take a breath!

Nick stopped strumming the guitar and placed it on the floor of the stage before holding his arms open to embrace me in a comforting hug.

I cried. I cried so hard and so long that it felt like hours before either of us spoke but Nick didn't say anything besides comforting words like, “It's OK, Rose. It's going to be OK”, or “Get it all out, Rose. It's OK. Get it all out.”

When I cried until I couldn't anymore, I spoke.

“Thank you. I'm sorry I cried like that”, I said in a low tone, staring at the dark, wet spots on his shirt.

“It's OK, baby. You lost your mom. It's understandable for you to grieve”, he said soothingly, wiping my tears away as he saw a few fill my eyes.

“When did you write this song?” I asked, sniffing afterward.

“The day of your mom's funeral. It pained me to see how much pain you were in even though you wouldn't show it”, he said sympathetically.

I wrapped my arms around him, taking in his scent again. Nick was a great guy. He was the perfect combination of musical talent with the right amount of emotions and athleticism in a human being. Is it bad that I knew right then I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him?

We laced hands after he set everything back the way it was before we headed out into the freezing cold.

“I've been talking to Victoria lately and she's hurting, too, but she's recovering”, he said suddenly when we reached the staircase to the dorms.

“Oh”, was my response. For some reason, I didn't like the idea that he knew what was going on with Vic. Was I being selfish?

“Yeah. She always asks about you, you know?” he added.

I didn't say anything, but kept my attention on the song he wrote.

“I wanted to ask you”, he began again, in a shaky tone, “if you wanted to to New York with me this Christmas but seeing as the timing was wrong after your mom's death and all, I thought against it.”

We stopped walking before facing each other. I was shocked to say the least.

“Why New York?” I asked suddenly.

“Because one, I've never taken anyone there besides the gang. Two, you'll be away from home instead of near your Dad this Christmas. And three, I remembered you saying you wanted to visit New York”, he said with a smile.

I laughed for the first time in a month.

“Visit? I said I wanted to live in New York”, I teased after my laughter died away.

“Maybe you will one day”, he mumbled, but I heard him.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. Come on, let's get inside”, he said quickly, escorting me to my dorm room once more.