Nancy Boy.

The Deal.

A lot had changed since high school. Back then, I was unfocused and rebellious, a pain in the neck for whoever had the misfortune to teach me. My mother thought I was an angel, blissfully ignorant to what I got up to at school and I always used her blindness to my advantage. I was a spoilt child, thought I knew everything about the world but in reality, I knew next to nothing. My father had cottoned on to my real nature fairly quickly and when I turned eighteen, he kicked me out, ignoring my protests and the fact I had nowhere to go and next to no money to get there.

Luckily, a friend of mine, Kaoru Niikura, took me in, a gesture that moved him up from shallow acquaintance to a much-needed best friend, something I’d never really known before. For the first time in my life, I felt truly grateful, realising just how much my parents had done for me. That night, after I moved my bags into his small apartment and downed a couple of beers, I started to change, learning that who I was wouldn’t get me further than the dole queue or in the local prison. It worked for a while. I found a reason to exist, a hobby that I wanted to turn into a career, something that would really make me happy.

I was still naïve enough to believe it would happen just like that, that I could just grab a camera, take some pictures and have them published. I was wrong. It was a long, seemingly endless struggle, a tiring battle with self-esteem, generic conventions and critical critics that finally led me to where this story begins.

Back in high school, I knew a kid called Daisuke Andou. He was the kind of boy that was neither bullied nor acknowledged, just constantly ignored. The kind of boy that danced alone on prom night, danced awkwardly and unfashionably, but didn’t seem to care. The kind of boy that answered every single question in every single lesson while pushing the oversized spectacles back up his nose, grinning an enormous toothy grin every time he got something right. The kind of boy whose mother made sure his uniform was immaculate before he left in the morning, kissing him on the cheek as she handed over the homemade bento box, leaving a mark with her lipstick that he’d forget to wipe off. He was a geek, a nerd, a mathematician through and through and none of us expected anything more of him.

But, apparently, I wasn’t the only one who changed after high school had ended.

"Do you mind if I get changed into something more comfortable?" He smiled serenely at me from across the glamourous dressing room, teetering on his high heels and tugging on the tassels of his green sequined dress, one of his perfectly groomed eyebrows raised questioningly.

His chocolate brown eyes sparkled with amusement as he took in my gormless expression and he didn't wait for an answer, slipping the straps off both wide shoulders and allowing the garment to fall to the floor, pooling around his feet. My eyes swivelled away quickly, realising that it would be imprudent to watch him get changed. But, quite frankly, it was incredibly hard to keep my gaze off of him.

“Are you okay, Hara-kun?” Daisuke asked, making me look up again. His voice was soft and gentle, smooth and deep, just like the way it always had been, but his eyes were still glinting wickedly. He was obviously enjoying my confusion, his full, painted lips twisted in a small smirk, his big hands combing the gel out of his fiery hair absentmindedly. He was just standing there in his little leather shorts and knee high platform boots, his pale skin contrasting against the darkness of his remaining clothes and the make up on his face, exuding a kind of carefree confidence that I never knew existed within him. Or, then again, maybe it didn’t exist back in high school.

“Yeah… I’m just a little surprised.” I offered a small smile, trying not to stare too much at how much those shorts tightened whenever he moved just the slightest bit. It must have been dreadfully uncomfortable for him but he didn’t seem to mind, simply bent over further to pick up his T-shirt and jeans from the floor, his long hair covering his face for a second or two.

"Hmmm... well, I suppose I've changed a little bit..." He straightened, his lips pursing thoughtfully before he pulled the plain white shirt over his head. I stared at him incredulously. Turning from nerd into fully-fledged drag queen was not what I considered to be a little change.

However, I kept my mouth shut and managed to give him a quick little smile, which he responded to with a wide grin, his thick lips stretching across his face like a Cheshire cat. He sat down on the arm of the chair opposite me, long legs spread in order to help him keep his balance and he bent over to unzip his boots, his head lifted so he could look at me while he spoke. “So, how did you find me? Something tells me this isn’t really your scene.”

“Kaoru told me you were here.” I explained shortly, looking directly at him and realizing that this was a mistake when he stood up and took his shorts off. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath. I covered my eyes and growled angrily. “Jesus Christ, Daisuke! Don’t you have any shame?”

He laughed loudly and happily and my cheeks flushed red. I was going to kill Kaoru when I got home. He had told me that Daisuke had grown a bit more confident and would definitely be willing to be my model. He hadn’t told me he’d turned into a transvestite exhibitionist that didn’t just dye the hair on his head bright red.

“You can look now, Toshimasa-kun.” He was still giggling, his eyes sparkling humourously as he sunk down into the seat of the chair, taking two glasses from the dressing table and filling them up with red wine. “You’re funny… you probably stand in front of the mirror and admire your own cock for hours on end and yet, you can’t bring yourself to even glance at mine. It kinda offends me.”

I stared at him in stunned silence, accepting the offered glass without even thinking about it. This was not going the way I’d planned. We were meant to be talking about business, not our respective genitalia.

“And in answer to your question, no, I don’t have any shame. It died along with Daisuke.” He chuckled, taking a sip of his wine before setting the glass down on the table and lighting up a cigarette, inhaling greedily and exhaling dramatically, the smoke curling round and round in the air. “I’m Die now.”

“Right.” There wasn’t much I could say to that, so I downed a mouthful of the alcohol, pursing my lips at the slightly bitter taste and decided to change the subject back to why I was here. “Kaoru told me you were here,” I repeated and he nodded in response, smiling widely but not interrupting me for once. “And basically, I was wondering if you would be interested in modeling for me?”

“Modeling?” He raised a thin eyebrow, his thumbnail scratched at the polish on the nail of his index finger and he chewed on the inside of his lip. “Like nude modeling?”

“What is it with you and getting naked?” I rolled my eyes, which made him laugh again, and shook my head. “Fashion photography. I want to get into the mainstream but with something different to the norm.” Now I thought about it, Kaoru was right in suggesting Daisuke… or Die… whatever his name was now. It was definitely something out of the norm, both male and female, androgyny at its peak. But he could’ve given me some kind of advance warning.

Then again, I probably wouldn’t have turned up.

I was already going to leave as soon as I walked into the club and saw Die on stage, singing his heart out and dancing with too much grace for a man of his broad build. I couldn’t believe it was him, but I had to suck it up when he saw me and started waving frantically.

“Hmmm… and what’s in it for me?”

“Well, if I become a successful photographer, you’ll be in the mainstream as well. You’ll have a portfolio that you can take to future employers or you could get a job in the media, like in films or TV shows if they like your personality and looks.”

I had practiced that in front of the mirror at home. And it definitely sounded rehearsed.

“That’s a pretty big ‘if’.” The redhead snorted, a smirk crossing over his lips as he fixed me with a defiant stare. “Why should I do this for you? What’s the last thing you did for me, eh?”

“Look… I’m sorry I wasn’t your friend at high school. I was stupid back then. But, this is my chance to make it, Die. I really need this.” I sounded desperate and I was literally just centimeters away from getting on my hands and knees and begging. I was sick and tired of living like a pauper, surviving on ramen every night and still sleeping on the couch at my best friend’s place. “Please. I’ll find a way to pay you. When I get paid, you’ll get some of my cut. I promise.”

“Okay, I’ll do it.” He nodded twice as if to confirm what he had said and took another drag from the nearly finished cigarette, crossing his endless legs and leaning back further in his seat. “But only if I can decide what I wear.”

“Of course you can.” I couldn’t hold back my genuine grin, thrilled that I’d finally have a model – even if he weren’t quite what I was expecting. “Thank you Dais- Die. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

“Oh, don’t worry, Toshimasa-kun.” His brown eyes glinted with something indescribable and he bared his white teeth in his trademark grin, but the expression looked more wicked than happy. “I know you will.”