You've Got This Silly Way of Keeping Me on the Edge of My Seat
Clean me off, I'm so dirty babe...
Inhale... exhale... inhale... exhale...
I had to keep reminding myself to breathe.
After having quite possibly the best sex ever, we were still sitting against the wall, still naked, still covered in paint. I was patiently awaiting the answer to the question about the guy from last night that begged to be answered. It was killing me, I needed to know...
"Well... at first I was really angry at you, Frank. When I found you and saw that you'd moved on so soon after we ended... I lost it. I went out one night, and Shaun happened to be the lead singer of this band that was playing at the bar I ended up in. We met, and he just... became obsessed with me. Since I couldn't have you, I figured the best thing to do was to try my hardest to forget you, Frank... so I continued to see Shaun, and boy that only made things worse. He was awful, Frank. God, he was awful. He made me feel like I was worthless, like I was his property... and the harder I tried to forget about you, the more I thought about you and I realized I didn't just want you, but I needed you back. That's when I... became an alcoholic," Gerard admitted, leaning his head hard against the wall.
Those last few words were extremely hard for me to hear. It killed me that I did this to him, that this was all my fault. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. I knew this was coming, and I knew there was more of this sad and tragic story of Gerard's life without me that still needed to be told. I kissed both of his hands that were resting gently in my lap, and in return he gave me a weak smile. He cleared his throat, and then continued.
"Not too long after that, I realized that none of this was your fault. I wasn't angry at you anymore, but I was furious as fuck with myself for being such a fucking coward and not fighting for you. I gave up on you, Frank, I gave up on us. I was on this downward spiral, and my self-hatred for giving up on you made it easier for me to believe all the things Shaun was telling me. Living just became so hard to do, so... I drank and I drank and I kept on drinking. When I was drinking it was so easy to pretend I was with you, when he was doing all those horrible things to me it was your face I pictured and it was you that got me through it. It made everything somehow seem okay, somehow-"
I couldn't take any more of it, it was simply too much to take in all at one time.
I pressed my lips hard to his, not just because I so desperately needed to feel his lips on mine, but also to shut him up. I needed to show him how much I wanted him, how much I missed him, how much I needed him.
I felt him relax and kiss me back, so I placed one hand on his neck and placed the other on his waist, pulling him closer to me. I pulled away shortly after, leaving him completely breathless. He just sat there, his head still against the wall, his eyes fixated on me.
"Wow..."
"I love you, Gerard. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're worthless, or anything less than perfect. God, you deserve the fucking world. I could fucking kill him for treating you the way he did, and I will if he ever tries anything like that again. I'm here now, I'm going to help you through this, okay? You never have to worry about anything ever again. I'm sorry, Gerard. God, I'm so fucking sorry that I did this to you, that I'm the reason that-"
He interrupted me this time, kissing me just as hard as I kissed him earlier. It wasn't a needy kiss, or a desperate kiss... or maybe it was. All I know is it was beautiful, and showed me everything I needed to know that we were finally going to be okay.
It was in that moment, when he placed one hand on my neck and the other on my waist and pulled me closer, that everything that was happening finally set in. All of my hopes and dreams of being with Gerard again, were finally a reality.
He kissed me awhile longer then pulled away, leaving me breathless and starstruck.
"Wow..."
I couldn't do anything but stare at him. His gorgeous face, his perfectly messy hair, his brilliant green eyes.... I'd seen this so many times before, only this time, it wasn't a dream. It was so much better than a dream. Gerard was right in front of me, in all of his perfection. And the best part was, he was mine again...
And then I sneezed. What a way to ruin the moment...
"Bless you, my love," he said, laughing.
"Thanks," I muttered, blushing slightly.
"Aww... come here," he said, wrapping me in his arms and stroking my hair. He kissed me everywhere; on my head, my cheeks, my neck, my shoulders... I couldn't help but giggle. When my laughter finally died down, I simply laid there on his chest, clutching him tightly. There were so many things I still needed to let him know...
"Thank you for taking me back, Gerard. Thank you for letting me live here with you," I whispered, kissing his chest. He lifted my chin up so I was eye-level with him, smoothing my hair all around my face. I felt myself blushing again and I looked away, but he pulled me right back.
"I love you, Frankie. I need you here with me, and you can stay here as long as you like, but I only ask one thing of you..."
His expression turned serious and my mouth turned dry. I'm pretty sure I'd grown pale, too.
"What's that, Gee?"
"Just promise me we can stay like this forever, baby. Just me and you, just like we always planned. If you can do that, you can stay here with me..."
He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. It almost seemed like he was afraid of what I was going to say. Did he even have to ask?
"Of course I promise you, Gerard. I'm going to give you the world, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for lost time, and making you the happiest man in the world. I have spent every single day over these past few years without you, hoping and dreaming of the day we would be together again. I'm not losing you again, I absolutely refuse. You're stuck with me, Gee," I said happily, earning a kiss on both of my hands from him.
"Pinky promise?"
He stuck his pinky out, which made me smile.
"It is the most binding of all promises," I replied, connecting my pinky finger with his.
"Okay, good. Now that all that's cleared up, we better get cleaned up before Mikey gets here," he said, helping me up from my not so comfy spot on the floor.
"My butt's asleep," I muttered, making the both of us laugh.
"Poor baby," he said, kissing my lips quickly. "Come with me."
He led me out of that room and back to his... I mean, our bedroom, and turned on the shower in the master bathroom. "We have two bathrooms, but only one shower. So..."
"So it looks like we need to clean each other off, doesn't it?"
His face lit up and he jumped in, pulling me in after him. We were both completely hysterical, barely able to stand without falling over each other.
"Oh my God, there's paint everywhere!" he exclaimed. We both stood under the water, watching the colors swirl together as they disappeared down the drain. He lifted my chin up and our eyes met, locking together. He kissed me so gently, I could feel myself shivering under the hot water. He wrapped me in his arms and I did the same, deepening the kiss and completely losing myself in his embrace.
"I love you, Gerard," I whispered against his lips.
"And I love you, Frankie."
He let me go and reached for a washcloth, lathering it up with some soap and handed it to me. "Will you clean me off? I've been a dirty boy."
I giggled, and gently began to scrub his arms, his back, his ass... everywhere. But it wasn't in a sexual way, it was very sweet. I felt like I was washing away all the bad things, making them all go down the drain along with our pasts. I was determined to never look back, and with Gerard by my side... the future seemed bright and hopeful.
I had to keep reminding myself to breathe.
After having quite possibly the best sex ever, we were still sitting against the wall, still naked, still covered in paint. I was patiently awaiting the answer to the question about the guy from last night that begged to be answered. It was killing me, I needed to know...
"Well... at first I was really angry at you, Frank. When I found you and saw that you'd moved on so soon after we ended... I lost it. I went out one night, and Shaun happened to be the lead singer of this band that was playing at the bar I ended up in. We met, and he just... became obsessed with me. Since I couldn't have you, I figured the best thing to do was to try my hardest to forget you, Frank... so I continued to see Shaun, and boy that only made things worse. He was awful, Frank. God, he was awful. He made me feel like I was worthless, like I was his property... and the harder I tried to forget about you, the more I thought about you and I realized I didn't just want you, but I needed you back. That's when I... became an alcoholic," Gerard admitted, leaning his head hard against the wall.
Those last few words were extremely hard for me to hear. It killed me that I did this to him, that this was all my fault. I bit my lip and took a deep breath. I knew this was coming, and I knew there was more of this sad and tragic story of Gerard's life without me that still needed to be told. I kissed both of his hands that were resting gently in my lap, and in return he gave me a weak smile. He cleared his throat, and then continued.
"Not too long after that, I realized that none of this was your fault. I wasn't angry at you anymore, but I was furious as fuck with myself for being such a fucking coward and not fighting for you. I gave up on you, Frank, I gave up on us. I was on this downward spiral, and my self-hatred for giving up on you made it easier for me to believe all the things Shaun was telling me. Living just became so hard to do, so... I drank and I drank and I kept on drinking. When I was drinking it was so easy to pretend I was with you, when he was doing all those horrible things to me it was your face I pictured and it was you that got me through it. It made everything somehow seem okay, somehow-"
I couldn't take any more of it, it was simply too much to take in all at one time.
I pressed my lips hard to his, not just because I so desperately needed to feel his lips on mine, but also to shut him up. I needed to show him how much I wanted him, how much I missed him, how much I needed him.
I felt him relax and kiss me back, so I placed one hand on his neck and placed the other on his waist, pulling him closer to me. I pulled away shortly after, leaving him completely breathless. He just sat there, his head still against the wall, his eyes fixated on me.
"Wow..."
"I love you, Gerard. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're worthless, or anything less than perfect. God, you deserve the fucking world. I could fucking kill him for treating you the way he did, and I will if he ever tries anything like that again. I'm here now, I'm going to help you through this, okay? You never have to worry about anything ever again. I'm sorry, Gerard. God, I'm so fucking sorry that I did this to you, that I'm the reason that-"
He interrupted me this time, kissing me just as hard as I kissed him earlier. It wasn't a needy kiss, or a desperate kiss... or maybe it was. All I know is it was beautiful, and showed me everything I needed to know that we were finally going to be okay.
It was in that moment, when he placed one hand on my neck and the other on my waist and pulled me closer, that everything that was happening finally set in. All of my hopes and dreams of being with Gerard again, were finally a reality.
He kissed me awhile longer then pulled away, leaving me breathless and starstruck.
"Wow..."
I couldn't do anything but stare at him. His gorgeous face, his perfectly messy hair, his brilliant green eyes.... I'd seen this so many times before, only this time, it wasn't a dream. It was so much better than a dream. Gerard was right in front of me, in all of his perfection. And the best part was, he was mine again...
And then I sneezed. What a way to ruin the moment...
"Bless you, my love," he said, laughing.
"Thanks," I muttered, blushing slightly.
"Aww... come here," he said, wrapping me in his arms and stroking my hair. He kissed me everywhere; on my head, my cheeks, my neck, my shoulders... I couldn't help but giggle. When my laughter finally died down, I simply laid there on his chest, clutching him tightly. There were so many things I still needed to let him know...
"Thank you for taking me back, Gerard. Thank you for letting me live here with you," I whispered, kissing his chest. He lifted my chin up so I was eye-level with him, smoothing my hair all around my face. I felt myself blushing again and I looked away, but he pulled me right back.
"I love you, Frankie. I need you here with me, and you can stay here as long as you like, but I only ask one thing of you..."
His expression turned serious and my mouth turned dry. I'm pretty sure I'd grown pale, too.
"What's that, Gee?"
"Just promise me we can stay like this forever, baby. Just me and you, just like we always planned. If you can do that, you can stay here with me..."
He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath. It almost seemed like he was afraid of what I was going to say. Did he even have to ask?
"Of course I promise you, Gerard. I'm going to give you the world, and I'm going to spend the rest of my life making up for lost time, and making you the happiest man in the world. I have spent every single day over these past few years without you, hoping and dreaming of the day we would be together again. I'm not losing you again, I absolutely refuse. You're stuck with me, Gee," I said happily, earning a kiss on both of my hands from him.
"Pinky promise?"
He stuck his pinky out, which made me smile.
"It is the most binding of all promises," I replied, connecting my pinky finger with his.
"Okay, good. Now that all that's cleared up, we better get cleaned up before Mikey gets here," he said, helping me up from my not so comfy spot on the floor.
"My butt's asleep," I muttered, making the both of us laugh.
"Poor baby," he said, kissing my lips quickly. "Come with me."
He led me out of that room and back to his... I mean, our bedroom, and turned on the shower in the master bathroom. "We have two bathrooms, but only one shower. So..."
"So it looks like we need to clean each other off, doesn't it?"
His face lit up and he jumped in, pulling me in after him. We were both completely hysterical, barely able to stand without falling over each other.
"Oh my God, there's paint everywhere!" he exclaimed. We both stood under the water, watching the colors swirl together as they disappeared down the drain. He lifted my chin up and our eyes met, locking together. He kissed me so gently, I could feel myself shivering under the hot water. He wrapped me in his arms and I did the same, deepening the kiss and completely losing myself in his embrace.
"I love you, Gerard," I whispered against his lips.
"And I love you, Frankie."
He let me go and reached for a washcloth, lathering it up with some soap and handed it to me. "Will you clean me off? I've been a dirty boy."
I giggled, and gently began to scrub his arms, his back, his ass... everywhere. But it wasn't in a sexual way, it was very sweet. I felt like I was washing away all the bad things, making them all go down the drain along with our pasts. I was determined to never look back, and with Gerard by my side... the future seemed bright and hopeful.