You've Got This Silly Way of Keeping Me on the Edge of My Seat
I'll sacrifice forever, please just for tonight..
"Frankie... he's gone, Frank..."
Mikey's words stopped me dead in my tracks in the middle of the fucking street.
"What the fuck Mikey, what do you mean he's gone where did he- FUCK!" I dropped my phone and was interrupted mid sentence by something falling from the sky and damn near hitting me on the head.
"FRANK? What the hell happened?" I could hear Mikey screaming into the phone that had now dropped to the ground. There was broken glass everywhere, but no liquid had fallen out of it... just something red and a piece of paper. I picked both of them up, careful not to cut myself on the glass that was now all over the place.
Then I saw it. A Grey Goose Vodka label. This is what Gerard was drinking earlier!
I then looked back up... and felt my heart breaking completely in two.
Absolute terror filled my veins and I froze, my eyes not wanting to believe what they were seeing... there was Gerard, my beautiful Gerard, standing on the ledge with his arms spread out, signifying that he was about to jump. I quickly grabbed the phone from where I had dropped it, thanking GOD that it was still on and Mikey was still yelling into it.
"Mikey... he's-on-top-of-the-building-I-think-he's-gonna-jump-you-have-to-get-to-him-NOW," I cried into the phone as quickly as I possibly could, then the line went dead.
I knew Mikey was on his way up to go rescue him.
"GERARD!" I screamed as loud and hard as I possibly could, desperate for him to hear me. He lowered his arms and looked down at me. He rubbed his eyes and then looked down at me again, a look of complete and utter shock to see me plastered on his beautiful face.
"FRANKIE?!"
"YES GERARD, IT'S ME! I'M HERE, I LOVE YOU! I'M HERE FOR YOU! PLEASE DON'T JUMP!" was all I could say, desperately trying to buy some time until Mikey got up there to rescue him. I noticed him back off the ledge, and he disappeared and I became frantic all over again.
"GERARD!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, then I saw Mikey's head appear over the ledge. "DON'T WORRY FRANK! HE'S FINE I GOT HIM!"
And with that I ran inside the apartment complex. There was a couple getting out of the elevator, and I screamed for them to hold it for me. They did, and I got in there and waited for the damn thing to take me all the way up to the roof. It seemed to be going really fucking slow, and I couldn't focus or stand still. All I was concerned with was Gerard, and that he was okay...
All that mattered was being there for him, getting to him, like I should have the last time I was in this apartment building. God I'm such a fucking idiot! Why didn't I just fucking tell him the truth earlier?!
Why was I so fucking afraid to face him?!
I covered my head with my hands and realized I was still holding that piece of paper from the vodka bottle in my hands. I opened it frantically, still hardly able to focus on anything other than getting to Gerard.
My eyes read over the AFI song lyrics (one of my favorites), and then were turned to the note scribbled down at the bottom.
To my beloved:
I don't know why you were here, all I know is that you must have seen me with him. All I have dreamed about since the last day we were together is us being together again. I can't help but feel that had you not seen me with that insignificant prick we would be reliving the best days of my life, the days that we were together. I've regretted every single day that has passed since the last time I touched you, kissed you, breathed you... and now you've gone away, and this is the final straw. Life without you is a life worth not living.
So this is it, Frankie. These are my final words... just know that one day, we will be together and we will be perfect just like we were. I love you, I've always loved you and I always fucking will.
Goodbye... my love, my life...
My Frankie.
Just like he did to me five years ago, I did this to him. Him almost jumping off of the fucking building tonight was my fucking fault. I felt like I was going to be sick....
The elevator finally stopped and my little moment of self-pity and self-hatred was over. I ran to the end of the hall, and I burst through the doors to find Mikey sitting on the ground, holding his brother as close as he possibly could, cradling him back and forth. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen... until Gerard turned and noticed that I was there. His face turned from a look of fright and despair to a look of pure joy and happiness when he saw me.
He got up from his brother's embrace, and we both ran to each other, our arms wrapping around each other tightly and our lips crashing together for the first time in over five years. It was the most incredible, amazing moment of my life... the happiest moment of my life. He was in my arms again. He was kissing my lips again. It felt like he was mine again....
"Frankie..." he whispered as he pulled away, tears streaming down his face as he searched my eyes desperately. "I'm so sorry, Frankie..."
"Oh, Gee...you have nothing to be sorry about..." I said, kissing his hands that were on either side of my face. "I'm the one that should be sorry, this is all my fault Gee, please forgive me..."
I looked down for a second, not knowing what else to say... then he gently lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes again, and suddenly everything was clear. This is where I belonged... everything I ever needed was right here in front of me...
"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you, Gee. I'm so sorry for everything I'm just so happy you're okay! I love you- I love you so so much and I'm here now, I'm never fucking letting you go ever again," I said as he attacked my lips again as if his life depended on it.
Maybe his life did depend on it...
And then he collapsed in my arms.
"Gee...?"
I kissed his lips again and he smiled weakly at me.
"I love you, Frankie...I always have. I always will..."
I picked him up bridal style as Mikey held open the door for us and we made our way to the elevator. He pushed the button for the elevator and we waited for it to come.
"I've got you, Gee. I'm never letting you go again..." I whispered in his ear, clutching him as tightly as I possibly could. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, snuggling close against my chest.
About five minutes later we were back in his apartment.
"I fucking love you guys..." Gee slurred as I laid him down on the couch and knelt down next to him, running my fingers through his semi-long black hair.
"Well, we fucking love you too, Gerard. Don't ever fucking do this shit again, do you hear me?" Mikey said sternly, then quickly changed his tone. "Do you need anything?"
"Coffee...and Frankie..." he mumbled sleepily. He was so fucking adorable, he still melted me. Mikey left the room to go make coffee I guess, and it was just me and Gerard left in the living room together.
"I'm here, Gee... I'm not going anywhere. I'm never leaving you again..." I said, kissing his eyes that were both closed. He opened them and smiled up at me.
"Frankie... when I was up there, all I remember was... closing my eyes and seeing your beautiful face. You were telling me that you were here for me... and that you loved me and for me not to jump. Then I opened my eyes and... there you were. I was praying for a miracle, Frankie. I was praying that God would bring you back to me, and he did... you're my miracle, Frankie. You're my angel... you saved me..." he said, pulling my face into his so he could kiss me with all that he had.
He tasted of vodka and cigarettes, but I didn't care. I loved the feeling of his hands on my face, I loved the way he tasted, I loved the feeling of his lips pressing up against mine....
This wonderful, amazing moment that I was sharing with the love of my life, the man of my dreams... was interrupted by the vibrating of my phone in my pocket, and I was brought back to harsh reality, a wave of extreme guilt and deception washing over me.
Brendon. Fuck, I'd forgotten all about Brendon. But here I am, kissing Gerard, after he almost jumped off the fucking building because he thought he blew his last chance that he'd ever have with me.
I didn't know what to do... so I just reached into my pocket and switched the phone off, and continued kissing him... my love, my life. This is where I belonged, with Gee, in his arms... and I intended to be here for him for as long as he needed.
"I love you..."
Mikey's words stopped me dead in my tracks in the middle of the fucking street.
"What the fuck Mikey, what do you mean he's gone where did he- FUCK!" I dropped my phone and was interrupted mid sentence by something falling from the sky and damn near hitting me on the head.
"FRANK? What the hell happened?" I could hear Mikey screaming into the phone that had now dropped to the ground. There was broken glass everywhere, but no liquid had fallen out of it... just something red and a piece of paper. I picked both of them up, careful not to cut myself on the glass that was now all over the place.
Then I saw it. A Grey Goose Vodka label. This is what Gerard was drinking earlier!
I then looked back up... and felt my heart breaking completely in two.
Absolute terror filled my veins and I froze, my eyes not wanting to believe what they were seeing... there was Gerard, my beautiful Gerard, standing on the ledge with his arms spread out, signifying that he was about to jump. I quickly grabbed the phone from where I had dropped it, thanking GOD that it was still on and Mikey was still yelling into it.
"Mikey... he's-on-top-of-the-building-I-think-he's-gonna-jump-you-have-to-get-to-him-NOW," I cried into the phone as quickly as I possibly could, then the line went dead.
I knew Mikey was on his way up to go rescue him.
"GERARD!" I screamed as loud and hard as I possibly could, desperate for him to hear me. He lowered his arms and looked down at me. He rubbed his eyes and then looked down at me again, a look of complete and utter shock to see me plastered on his beautiful face.
"FRANKIE?!"
"YES GERARD, IT'S ME! I'M HERE, I LOVE YOU! I'M HERE FOR YOU! PLEASE DON'T JUMP!" was all I could say, desperately trying to buy some time until Mikey got up there to rescue him. I noticed him back off the ledge, and he disappeared and I became frantic all over again.
"GERARD!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, then I saw Mikey's head appear over the ledge. "DON'T WORRY FRANK! HE'S FINE I GOT HIM!"
And with that I ran inside the apartment complex. There was a couple getting out of the elevator, and I screamed for them to hold it for me. They did, and I got in there and waited for the damn thing to take me all the way up to the roof. It seemed to be going really fucking slow, and I couldn't focus or stand still. All I was concerned with was Gerard, and that he was okay...
All that mattered was being there for him, getting to him, like I should have the last time I was in this apartment building. God I'm such a fucking idiot! Why didn't I just fucking tell him the truth earlier?!
Why was I so fucking afraid to face him?!
I covered my head with my hands and realized I was still holding that piece of paper from the vodka bottle in my hands. I opened it frantically, still hardly able to focus on anything other than getting to Gerard.
My eyes read over the AFI song lyrics (one of my favorites), and then were turned to the note scribbled down at the bottom.
To my beloved:
I don't know why you were here, all I know is that you must have seen me with him. All I have dreamed about since the last day we were together is us being together again. I can't help but feel that had you not seen me with that insignificant prick we would be reliving the best days of my life, the days that we were together. I've regretted every single day that has passed since the last time I touched you, kissed you, breathed you... and now you've gone away, and this is the final straw. Life without you is a life worth not living.
So this is it, Frankie. These are my final words... just know that one day, we will be together and we will be perfect just like we were. I love you, I've always loved you and I always fucking will.
Goodbye... my love, my life...
My Frankie.
Just like he did to me five years ago, I did this to him. Him almost jumping off of the fucking building tonight was my fucking fault. I felt like I was going to be sick....
The elevator finally stopped and my little moment of self-pity and self-hatred was over. I ran to the end of the hall, and I burst through the doors to find Mikey sitting on the ground, holding his brother as close as he possibly could, cradling him back and forth. It was the most beautiful sight I'd ever seen... until Gerard turned and noticed that I was there. His face turned from a look of fright and despair to a look of pure joy and happiness when he saw me.
He got up from his brother's embrace, and we both ran to each other, our arms wrapping around each other tightly and our lips crashing together for the first time in over five years. It was the most incredible, amazing moment of my life... the happiest moment of my life. He was in my arms again. He was kissing my lips again. It felt like he was mine again....
"Frankie..." he whispered as he pulled away, tears streaming down his face as he searched my eyes desperately. "I'm so sorry, Frankie..."
"Oh, Gee...you have nothing to be sorry about..." I said, kissing his hands that were on either side of my face. "I'm the one that should be sorry, this is all my fault Gee, please forgive me..."
I looked down for a second, not knowing what else to say... then he gently lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes again, and suddenly everything was clear. This is where I belonged... everything I ever needed was right here in front of me...
"I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you, Gee. I'm so sorry for everything I'm just so happy you're okay! I love you- I love you so so much and I'm here now, I'm never fucking letting you go ever again," I said as he attacked my lips again as if his life depended on it.
Maybe his life did depend on it...
And then he collapsed in my arms.
"Gee...?"
I kissed his lips again and he smiled weakly at me.
"I love you, Frankie...I always have. I always will..."
I picked him up bridal style as Mikey held open the door for us and we made our way to the elevator. He pushed the button for the elevator and we waited for it to come.
"I've got you, Gee. I'm never letting you go again..." I whispered in his ear, clutching him as tightly as I possibly could. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my neck, snuggling close against my chest.
About five minutes later we were back in his apartment.
"I fucking love you guys..." Gee slurred as I laid him down on the couch and knelt down next to him, running my fingers through his semi-long black hair.
"Well, we fucking love you too, Gerard. Don't ever fucking do this shit again, do you hear me?" Mikey said sternly, then quickly changed his tone. "Do you need anything?"
"Coffee...and Frankie..." he mumbled sleepily. He was so fucking adorable, he still melted me. Mikey left the room to go make coffee I guess, and it was just me and Gerard left in the living room together.
"I'm here, Gee... I'm not going anywhere. I'm never leaving you again..." I said, kissing his eyes that were both closed. He opened them and smiled up at me.
"Frankie... when I was up there, all I remember was... closing my eyes and seeing your beautiful face. You were telling me that you were here for me... and that you loved me and for me not to jump. Then I opened my eyes and... there you were. I was praying for a miracle, Frankie. I was praying that God would bring you back to me, and he did... you're my miracle, Frankie. You're my angel... you saved me..." he said, pulling my face into his so he could kiss me with all that he had.
He tasted of vodka and cigarettes, but I didn't care. I loved the feeling of his hands on my face, I loved the way he tasted, I loved the feeling of his lips pressing up against mine....
This wonderful, amazing moment that I was sharing with the love of my life, the man of my dreams... was interrupted by the vibrating of my phone in my pocket, and I was brought back to harsh reality, a wave of extreme guilt and deception washing over me.
Brendon. Fuck, I'd forgotten all about Brendon. But here I am, kissing Gerard, after he almost jumped off the fucking building because he thought he blew his last chance that he'd ever have with me.
I didn't know what to do... so I just reached into my pocket and switched the phone off, and continued kissing him... my love, my life. This is where I belonged, with Gee, in his arms... and I intended to be here for him for as long as he needed.
"I love you..."