You've Got This Silly Way of Keeping Me on the Edge of My Seat

It was only a week since I'd gotten out of the hospital, and it was my first day at my new school. My mom decided since I tried to kill myself I should go live with my dad. Real smart mom, this was enough to make me want to kill myself again and this time, fucking succeed. I wanted Gerard. I needed Gerard. Why did he want to leave me...? Why didn't he come check on me while I was in the hospital...? Did he even know anything had happened to me? Why was he so desperate to forget about me...?

So here I am, on my way to this newhell school, in this horrible fucking uniform that covered up my tattoos. I had to replace my lip ring with a clear ring, because you couldn't fucking have piercings at this stupid Catholic school. I'd teach them a thing or fucking two...

"Okay Frankie, we're here. Have a good first day at your new school," my dad said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible.

I reached for the door handle, but as I did, felt his hand touch my shoulder. "Everything is going to be okay, son. This is a brand new start for you. It's time to let go of your past and embrace the present."

Instead of rolling my eyes at him like I was really doing on the inside, I smiled weakly at him and got out and walked out the front steps to this humongous school that I knew was crawling with homophobic assholes. I knew this was going to be no different than my old school, only this time I wouldn't have Gerard there to look after me or sneak me out of classes. That and, I'm sure the people were twice as fake and stuckup. This was a Catholic school, afterall...

I walked inside the building and into the office to get my schedule... and of course, I had first period gym. I fucking hated gym, with a passion. I sighed and made my way to the gymnasium, and right away I was being hounded by a bunch of huge guys shouting the typical insults that did absolutely nothing to offend me. One douchebag looking guy went to actually take a swing at me, causing me to fall to the ground to make less of an impact.

"Leave him alone," I heard someone say. He had a sweet voice, the voice of an angel. I looked up from my newfound spot on the floor to see who it was that had come to my rescue, and then I saw it. That face... that angelic face... that beautiful face. He stretched out his hand for me to grab it, and I took it without question. I was mesmerized by this gorgeous, beautiful person that was somehow showing compassion for me, the weird emo kid... it didn't make sense. Usually, it was someone like him that was causing me misery and pain without mercy. I was really confused by his tactics... but intrigued, nonetheless.

The crowd that had gathered around us now went back to whatever the fuck it was they were previously doing, and I was left alone with this beautiful stranger that seemed to actually care.

"Wow, are you okay? They didn't hurt you did they?" he asked, helping me gather the things that had fallen out of my hands when I fell earlier.

"No, but they probably would have had you not come along when you did. Thanks," I said, blushing slightly. My eyes never left the floor.

"Don't mention it. My name's Brendon, what's yours?"

"I'm... I'm um... Frank..." I muttered, my eyes still fixated on that fucking floor.

He lifted up my chin and his eyes met with mine for the very first time. His eyes were mesmerizing, they were sincere.... I melted when he put his arm around me, and smiled that oh-so-addicting smile at me.

"Hi Frank... it's nice to meet you..."

I awoke from my flashback/dream/nightmare, a sudden wave of guilt washing over me. I glanced down at the sleeping beauty that was breathing lightly in my arms. Mikey was asleep on the couch in the living room, while Gerard and I were asleep in his bed. He'd been asleep for a good two or three hours by now, it was probably easy for him judging by how drunk he had been and how swollen his eyes were from crying so much earlier. I just kept tossing and turning, so many random thoughts swimming in my head.

For one brief second, everything felt right in the world. Gerard was back in my arms, he was safe in my arms. I felt like this was where I belonged, this was my home.

But it was all an illusion. I had a boyfriend. I lived with him. And he was probably back at home in Jersey, asleep in the bed that we shared together, or awake trying to call me and figure out ways to torment me when I did get back. I didn't even have the decency to tell Gerard I was still in a relationship....

I sighed deeply, causing Gee to stir a little. I smiled and relaxed a bit, shutting my eyes hoping for sleep to come... but no such luck. As much as I wanted to enjoy this beautiful moment between the man I loved more than anything and anyone in the world, I simply couldn't. Not with my whole heart, anyway.

This was all wrong, and I wanted so desperately for everything to be okay. But as long as I was here, I was only making things worse. I was giving Gerard a false sense of security in my deceptive arms and in my lying eyes, when all the while I was spoken for. I was taken, and not by him.

Oh....but how wrong that was. I was never really taken by Brendon, he was nothing more than just my shoulder to cry on when Gerard had dumped me and broken my heart. As much as I tried to convince myself, I never loved Brendon like I loved Gerard. It was only when I tried to block all of my wonderful memories of my beloved that I was able to love Brendon... and that only lasted so long.

No matter how much I hated Brendon for doing all the terrible things he did to me, I still had a soft spot for him. He did save me from being beaten and tormented at that school... he showed me compassion and gave me hope that everything would be okay. As I foolishly waited for Gerard to come back to me, Brendon was there, and he had completely and utterly fallen in love with me. I wanted to love him back, but I was still clinging desperately for Gerard to come back. When I finally realized he wasn't going to, I let him go... and a new era was ushered into my life... the Brendon era. I did grow to love him, but it wasn't true love. It wasn't what Gerard and I had then, and still had now.

Even so, I still wanted to defend what little feelings for Brendon that I had left, I wanted to spare him from doing to him what he did to me. But it was too late now. There was no undoing what had been done tonight... there was no going back. I was no better than Brendon the few times he cheated on me and ripped my heart apart.... and I hated him for that. I resented him so fucking much it made my blood boil every time I thought about it. Well... every time until now. I was here, lying in another man's bed, holding him close to me... kissing him every now and again... wishing this, me and him, would never end.

I was such a fucking hypocrite.

Fuck, what did I really expect coming here? I knew damn well Mikey was hellbent on getting me and Gerard back together. As long as I was with Brendon, I had no business coming here in the first place... because I knew once I saw Gerard, I wouldn't be able to control myself. And sure enough, the first fucking thing I did was make him promises I couldn't keep at the moment. I was giving him a false sense of security, a false sense of hope, and it was really fucking tearing me up inside. I couldn't leave well enough alone...

Had I made a mistake by coming here......?
He was about to jump off the building. He said I saved his life.
That meant something.... it meant that it was a good thing that I came here!

No wait... he was going to jump because I saw him with that guy earlier... and he thought he lost all chances to be with me. Fuck, this was all my fucking fault.

You are one royal screwup, Frank Iero. Way to fucking go....

And then I felt it. His lips on my lips, his tongue grazing against my lipring sending a million different sensations down my spine... him straddling my waist, his hips grinding against mine... his hands running through my hair...

"Oh my God, Gee..." I mumbled into his mouth. "I fucking love you... so fucking much..."

He stopped kissing me for a second and looked into my eyes, still running his fingers through my messy brown hair.

"Oh yeah...?" he asked, placing small kisses all over my face. "Want to know how much I love you...?"

My smile got even wider with every kiss he planted on me. "How much, love?"

"Forever..." he said as he kissed my neck.
"Times infinity..." he said as he kissed both of my cheeks.
"Times forever." He kissed my lips, but I didn't kiss back.

I love you, times infinity, times forever.... We used to always tell each other that.
That was our special thing, our special saying, and it meant so fucking much to me.
It was something I thought I lost long ago, back when all hopes of me and him were lost.
But now it was back... stronger than ever.

"You never forgot about me, did you Gee?" I asked softly, making his current assault on my lips come to a hault.

"Never, Frankie..." he whispered, rolling me over so that I was now on top of him. "Now fuck me..."

Every little thing that was plaguing me earlier about Brendon flew out the window at that point. The guilt, the deception... everything went away and it was now just me and my beloved... the emotions, the feelings, the need, the want.... completely dominated anything and everything else.

Just me and Gerard. The way it was supposed to be.

This was where I fucking wanted to be.
This is where I needed to be...
Beside him, with him, in him...
Forever. Times infinity. Times forever.