The Past is Only the Future with the Lights On

The directions to the place Mikey instructed me to go to were on a continuous play in my head. In fact, I had been so worried about forgetting them and making a wrong turn or something, that I had no idea what I was going to say once I actually got there.

And that didn't occur to me until I made my final turn and a park came into view.

The street lights lit up the green metal so I was able to see all of the play equipment clearly.

Directly in the middle of the large, open area of green grass was a huge "sand box" like circle that contained the playground; climbing equipment, a castle like piece, a round-a-bout, and swings.

I continued walking, opening the black, metal fence door with barely any noise being produced, and made my way towards the round-a-bout, where I happened to notice a dark figure sitting. I was hoping and praying the figure was Frank, and not some rapist, waiting for a girl who was all alone and looking for their friend who had run out of a football game because he'd just seen his girlfriend making out with the friend who was looking for him's ex-boyfriend.

It'd be pretty ironic, eh?

I let out the air I'd been keeping in my lungs for the last couple of seconds in relief once I'd gotten close enough to realize it was Frank, his head turning at the sound of someone other than him.

"Hey," I smiled, sitting down next to him, the coldness of the metal seeping through my jeans and causing goose bumps to rise on my arms.

"You know, it's not safe walking around here by yourself at this hour," he mumbled, his stare set on something ahead of us.

"I wouldn't have had to walk alone if someone hadn't left me standing in a food line," I said, leaning into him slightly with a teasing smile, trying to lessen the tenseness of the mood.

"Sorry. . .I just couldn't believe it. I'm still in slight shock," he shook his head.

Was he honestly that blind and oblivious?

"Are you kidding me?!" I exclaimed, my words coming out a tad bit harsher than intended.

He just gave me a quizzical, slightly surprised, look.

"Think about it Frank. You two barely spent any time together. Did you seriously think she was off having innocent fun with her little clones? No! She was, most likely, cheating on you with other guys, too," I tried biting my tongue, but just couldn't stop myself. And although I had no proof that Taylor had cheated on him on other accounts, every word I spoke felt like the most honest things I'd ever said.

Frank looked down at his hands before very quietly responding.

"I know."

"What?" I asked, relieved that he hadn't stormed off or retaliated after my little "explosion."

"I caught her a couple times with other guys. I just never confronted her about them. I was afraid that we'd break up and I'd be alone, you know?" he said in his normal volume, turning to look at me.

"Actually, I don't know," I told him, thinking back to how Brandon left me feeling.

After finding out about him and Monica, the last thing I wanted was another relationship. My views on that now? I actually wouldn't mind. But I refuse to change my opinion verbally on that now. I just have to stay strong.

Keep tellin' yourself that, babe.

Pssh. I can do it. I'm not going to let a boy get in the way of that either.

Pssh, yourself. Look at that boy sitting next to you. Don't tell me you'd deny that if it came knockin' on your door.

He is pretty cu-

Oh dear God. I'm arguing with myself.

"After finding Brandon and Monica together, I told myself I was going to take a break from all of that."

He was probably going to think I was weird for thinking that, but that was his problem.

"But just a break, right? I mean, you don't wanna stay single forever. . .do you?" he asked almost timidly, causing a small smile to form on my lips at how cute he sounded shy.

He looked at me as he waited for my answer. I simply smirked and laid down on my back. Once the cold metal met my arms, I brought my hands up to them and started rubbing, hoping to produce enough body heat to keep me some what warm.

This was proving to be impossible and unsuccessful.

"Cold?" Frank asked, not waiting for an answer as he pulled off his dark blue, denim jacket and handed it to me.

I smiled thankfully to him and slipped it on before lying back down, Frank joining me this time.

"So how'd you know where to find me?" he asked, turning his head to look at me, my actions mirroring his - though he seemed to do it much more gracefully.

"Mikey," I said simply, watching him nod and then look up at the dark night sky covered with a blanket of shining stars above us. "Why do you come here?" I asked curiously.

"I've been coming here for years. It's nice to have a place to come to when you need to clear your thoughts or have some alone time," he told me.

"So I guess I'm intruding on your 'alone time.' I'll let you be then," I joked, pretending to get up to walk away when I was stopped by his hand clasping around my own.

"Don't go! This is my 'clear you thoughts' time, not 'alone time.' And you're helping me," he smiled, pulling me back down.

There were a couple minutes of silence and us just staring at the stars, before I spoke up once more, breaking the silent atmosphere.

"So. . .you and Taylor?" I said, my curiosity getting the better of me as I asked the question he probably didn't want to hear right now.

"I broke up with her," he said simply.

"Oh," I said quietly, trying to hide my intrigue, noticing my left hand still conjoined with Frank's as I hugged the jacket around me tighter to the best of my ability with my free hand, loving the smell it produced.

"Yeah, she called me not too long after I left, trying to explain herself. . .but I ended it," he answered more thoroughly.

I nodded my head in understanding, feeling Frank's cold fingers slice through my own so they were entwined, not that I minded. "Sorry about exploding on you about Taylor," I laughed lightly, seeing him shrug next to me.

"It's cool. I needed someone to sort of put me in my place. The others just kinda let me do my own thing. But you were honest, so thanks," he looked at me and smiled, gently rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand, tingles producing under his touch.

"Yeah, having a big mouth isn't always so nice," I smiled, recalling plenty of times my big mouth had gotten me in trouble.

"What about right now?" he asked in a low whisper, his voice remaining smooth, as usual.

I glanced over at him in confusion, seeing that he was practically hovering over me and his eyes were fluttering closed.

Oh my god. He was not going to kiss me, was he? Why would he want to kiss someone like me?

With each inch that his face got closer to my own and each argument that threw around my head, it hit me harder and harder what he was going to do.

Out of the million thoughts that were going through my head, one stood out above all the rest.

He just broke up with his girlfriend. He has no idea what he's doing, so stop him before he regrets what he's about to do.

And as much as I wanted that kiss and knew I'd regret doing this, I couldn’t let him kiss me.

"I'm sorry, Frank. I - you don't know what you're doing," I repented every word that spilled from my mouth as I pushed Frank away.

"I'm upset, Kelly, not drunk. I know exactly what I'm doing," he smirked before inching his face closer to mine once more.

"No Frank," I said more sternly, bringing my hands to his chest to push him back again.

He looked at my serious expression and reluctantly sat up, staring at something ahead of us as he played nervously with his hands.

"Look, Frank, it's not that I don't want to, it's -" I started to explain my reasons for not allowing him to kiss me, but was cut off by him.

"Let's just go home," he whispered almost harshly, sounding like he was on the verge of tears.

He stood up and started walking away, the light from the street lights just enough to allow me to see him to catch up.

The whole walk home, I trailed about three feet behind him and didn't dare say a word.

The last thing I wanted was for Frank to be mad with me on his birthday. Him and his girlfriend breaking up was enough crap for him to go through the day before his birthday, don't you think so? I had never seen an angry Frankie, and was hoping to keep it that way.