The Past is Only the Future with the Lights On

"Erm. . .hey, Kelly. It's me. . .Frank," a smile found it's way on my lips at how cute Frank sounded timid. "You're probably sitting here listening to this. . .confused as hell. Haha, well, I thought you deserved an explanation for my actions this past week. You probably don’t care anymore and just want to shove this CD down my throat for being too much of a pansy to come talk to you personally, but I needed a way to talk to you where I wouldn't have to see your disgusted face when I told you everything. . .

And so this is my way I guess.

This past week has been inexcusable on my part. I had no right to treat you that way, and, as lousy as it may sound, I want you to know how sorry I am.

I guess. . .I got jealous that you were hanging out with a different crowd, and I didn't want to lose you as friend, though I probably have now with y dumbass-ness," he laughed airly.

"I know we've never really told each other this before, and the chances of you feeling the same aren't very likely, but I love you, Kelly.

You're the most important thing to me and I hate knowing that I'm the cause of our not talking. . .I totally understand if you just want to continue your life as you had before I entered it. But. . .if not. . .my doors always open. . .

I miss you like hell, and want nothing more than for you to be back in my life.

That's all I'm asking for this Christmas, Kelly. You.

I should have been laughing at how cheesy that last part of his little 'rant' was, but, instead, I felt tears stinging my eyes, threatening to fall.

He didn't hate me, and I guess it did seem a little ridiculous that I even thought that in the beginning.

He was missing me, and, as hard as it was to believe, he loved me. As a friend, of course. And he was brave enough to be the first one since school ended to try and make us work again. To be honest, after my failed attempts to talk to him at school, I had given up.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn't even realized there was another part to this CD. That was until a song I knew the lyrics to started playing; a song I only knew the lyrics to because I had read them from my wall practically every night before I went to sleep.

There was only a guitar playing for this song, which led me to believe that Frank was playing single handedly. Feeling more flattered than I ever thought possible, I laid back down and closed my eyes; listening to Frank's smooth voice sing my song was enough to put me to sleep - and not in the boring sense.

But I couldn't sleep now. Once the song ended, I quickly stuffed my feet into my Converse, still slightly wet from my previous trip out into the frigid atmosphere, and hurried to the front door, yelling an "I'll be right back!" to my grandma as I sped out the door.

It had started to snow yet again outside, only making me run faster as to get out of the freezing weather sooner. My balled up fist met the wood of Frank's front door sharply three times, despite the fact that the cold had already gotten to them and felt as if they could start bleeding.

Seconds later, a body emerged through the glass of the door and a sigh escaped my lips as Linda answered it.

"Kelly? What are you doing here?" her voice sounded more surprised than offended.

"I n-need to talk to F-Frank," I noticeably shivered.

Her face grew thoughtful, as if debating whether she should let me in with Frank's recent behavior or not.

"He a-asked me to c-come o-over," I lied slightly. Frank was going to need to know that I'd received his CD and didn't want to shove it down his throat as he'd suspected.

She nodded and opened the door wider, allowing me to step into the warmth of their house.

"He's up in his room - like he has been the past week," she shook her head disapprovingly. "I'm warning you, Kelly, Frank's not in the best of moods," she told me, pointing a finger at me before walking into the kitchen.

I gulped nervously before slowly walking towards the staircase, kicking my soaked shoes off before I mounted them and was still on hardwood flooring.

My hand gripped the railing tightly, my knuckles, still cold from the outside world, turning white, as I climbed the stairs, one step at a time.

Before I knew it, I was standing outside of Frank's closed bedroom door.

Now what? Do I just walk in? Knock? Turn around and go back to my house?

As tempting and nice as the last one sounded, I tapped lightly with my fist on his door.

"Go away!" came Frank's muffled response.

I took in a deep breath and knocked once more, this time more firmly.

I heard a groan come from the other side of the door before the springs of his mattress noticeably lifted.

The door swung open revealing a messy, unshaven Frank, dressed in his pajamas and in desperate need of a shower.

His mouth was open to say something t, who I guessed he thought to be, his mom, but now it was open in shock.

"Kelly?" he managed to get out, his hand nervously scratching his mop of greasy black hair, that still managed to look perfect.

"Hey Frank," I whispered, biting my lip nervously as I shuffled closer to him, reluctantly wrapping my arms around his torso.

Even slower than me, he returned the long-awaited hug, resting his cheek on the top of my head.

"I'm so sorry for acting like an ass, Kelly. You have no idea how much I hate myself right now or how scared I was that you weren't going to want to be my friend again," he mumbled into my hair, rocking us back and forth as he wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"That's ridiculous, Frank. I can barely live without you now, let alone not be your friend," I said, burying my head into his chest.

"I just didn't know why you hated Skyler so much. . ." I trailed off.

He took a second before giving me an explanation for that.

"It wasn't him. . .it was just the thought of you leaving me to hang out with other people. . .that must sound so lame," he laughed airily, not knowing the effect his words had on me; just how flattered I was. He sighed suddenly. "You have no idea how good this feels; having you back in my arms," he said, lightly kissing the top of my head.

I smiled into his chest, feeling his arms slink around my waist as he led us to his bed. "I can imagine."

"So I take it you got my CD then?" he asked, sitting us both down on his bed.

"Yep," I smiled. "And I don't want to shove it down your throat," I teased, hearing a light laugh come from him. "It means a lot to me, Frank, that you went through all that trouble, just to apologize to me."

His next response was immediate, like a reflex.

"Well, I meant it when I said I loved you."

I lifted my head from his chest and looked at his sincere expression.

"I love you, too, Frank," I said, watching as he smiled and gingerly kissed my cheek.

"I love you more," he told me as I snuggled back into his chest comfortably, despite the fact that he didn't smell like my normal Frankie, rather a. . .smelly Frankie. And as gross as it sounds, he still managed to pull it off, of course.

"Doubt it," I closed my eyes, perfectly content in the arms of my existence.