The Past is Only the Future with the Lights On

How do you tell your best friend you think you're in love with him, without scaring him off? To be honest, I wasn't very skilled in the sort of thing, I was never the first one to 'make a move' on a guy, so I had no clue what so ever how I should start this.

Do I just flat out tell him?

No, that's sure to make him run back home.

Start with something sappy, like a poem or something?

Nah, I'm no good with words.

Put on my jammies, wait for him to get here, then watch a movie together, that way some sort of mood has been set before I tell him?

The last one sounds like my best bet.

I glanced at the clock on the mantle above the fireplace. It was barely 6:00. I still had a good hour to kill.

Grandma had left to give Frank and I some privacy, which I never thought she'd do. After all, I'd even told her how I wanted to tell him how I really felt. But she'd simply responded with, "I trust you. . .and Frank," and claimed that she had some business to tend to at the seniors' center anyways.

So now my grandma was fully aware of my feelings. Dahlia, one of my best friends, didn't even know how I felt, which kind of made me feel bad for keeping things to myself.

I thought about asking my grandma what I should say before she left, but was too embarrassed to ask her that. Lord only knows how I'm going to gain the courage to tell him everything tonight.

I rose from the hideous floral print couch and made my way to my bedroom. There, I pulled on my TMNT jammies and stuffed my feet into my comfy slippers. Ever since that phone call I shared with Frank on Christmas eve, I'd made sure my blinds were closed whilst I changed. Not that I didn't trust Frank, I was just, you know, what you could call paranoid.

Now comfortable in my attire, I tromped down my staircase, settling back down on the couch and flipping through the channels of the television.

All the while, a nervous pit taking over my stomach and trying to swallow me whole.

I began pacing the wooden floorboards of my living room impatiently, the sound of the music video that was currently displayed on the screen became more and more distant, until I could only hear my thoughts.

Where was he? He promised to be here almost half an hour ago. And he's never late.

I wasn't sure what to do. Should I call? Go see if he's even home? Oh my God, what if something happened to him?

With that last thought clinging to me, like the pessimist I was, I pulled my arms through the arm holes of my parka and put some actual shoes on my feet. I didn't care that I was in my pj's or that it might seem. . .clingy of me to go next door. I just wanted to make sure Frank was safe. . .and get a reasonable excuse for why he was half an hour late to my house.

Having just tapped my cold knuckles against the wood on Frank's front door, I rubbed my hands up and down my arms, trying to create more body warmth.

It was only January, so I expected it when I stepped outside, as much as I wished for summer to take over once more.

A few seconds later, I was greeted by Linda's cheerful self.

"Hey, Kelly. How're ya, hon?" she asked with a bright smile, matching her son's, as she opened the door wider and allowed me to step inside, their heater immediately doing its' part by unthawing me.

"I'm good and yourself?" I asked, not wanting to be rude, as bad as I wanted to know where her son was.

Well, I'm guessing he's alive and well if Linda's in a good mood.

"I'm good. Been a bit tight at work, but everything else is fine."

Just smile and nod. Smile and nod.

"Uhm. . .I was just wondering if Frank was in?" I asked hopefully.

Maybe he'd picked up his guitar and lost track of time. But judging from the silence that seemed to be in every part of the house other than the room we were currently stood in, that seemed highly doubtful.

"Actually, he called me when you guys got out of school Said he was going out with some girl named Victoria. I don't know, he didn't say much else. Why?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

I had lost my ability to speak. I stood there, my mouth hung open but no words coming out. I was positive my heart had dropped to my feet at that moment.

"N-never mind. I-I guess I forgot," I stumbled over my words as I slipped back outside. I stood on their porch, dumbfounded, for what felt like hours, as the cold ate away at me, until I'd finally remembered how to use my legs, my feet trampling all over my already cracked heart.

Nearly tripping several times over things that weren't even there, I finally made it back to my house. Slamming the door behind me, I didn't even make it out of the entrance before collapsing to the ground, where I let the tears stain my cheeks as they emptied from my eyes at their own will.

Just as I'd predicted, Frank unintentionally broke my heart. I can just imagine how I'd be feeling now had I saw them. 'Cause let's not lie to ourselves. They were doing things right now. Things I wanted to do with him.

Stupid flower petals. Why did you have to be right?