The Past is Only the Future with the Lights On

I walked over to Ray and Gerard, sitting down a few feet away from them on the round-a-bout - yes, the round-a-bout. Where a certain someone first tried to kiss me. Where a certain someone else fucking rejected him. I’m pretty sure someone else had taken over my body that night. ‘Cause I know damn well I’d never have that much self-control to turn that face of his down - especially when its so close to mine.

I wonder how things would have turned out had I just went along with it, kissed him, and never said no to him. Where would we be now? Would I still be having this battle with myself? Or would he actually know how I felt?

Things would be a million times easier if it had just worked out that way.

But, naturally, things didn’t. So here I am. Confused as fuck and ready to just say to hell with everything.

“Hey guys,” I said, smiling at my two friends. They returned the smile and slowed down their swings until they were just sat in front of me, barely moving at all now.

“Hey, Kelly!” Gerard exclaimed, waving frantically at me, even though he’d watched me walk over and sit down and knew I was coming…

I laughed before turning to Ray. “So what’s up, Fro-Man? You said you needed to talk…?” My words came out sounding like a question, as oppose to a statement, like they were meant to be. I pulled my legs onto the metal play structure so I was sitting Indian-style.

Ray and Gerard exchanged a look that I refused to understand. There was definitely some hidden message in there. The way they practically spoke to each other with their worried eyes.

“Yeah…We do need to talk…Like bad,” he answered reluctantly. I nodded my head, leaning forward slightly. Still, as I sat here, and even though Ray seemed fairly distraught about something, it hadn’t really hit me that I was here. That, seeing as how he came to me of all people, instead of one of his closer friends, what he said could somehow affect me. Yeah, I had too much other crap on my mind to worry about this.

He bit his lip nervously - or was that to hide a smile? - and quickly glanced at Gerard. I noticed him nod once out of the corner of my eye before Ray instantly redirected his attention to me.

“Look, Kelly. We don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing we want from telling you this,” he started, holding his hands up defensively.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “…Then why are you telling me if it might hurt me?” I asked.

If there was even the slightest chance it would hurt me, you would imagine it would be something these guys would want to keep from me. Not be the first to tell me.

“Because, Kelly. You need to understand, this is something we simply mustn’t keep from you. You have a right to know…” Gerard trailed off, answering for Ray.

Sighing, I relaxed a little, leaning against a pole near the middle of the round metal. “Alright. Out with it already.” I didn’t have all day.

Ray took in a deep breath, then released it, along with a rushed sentence I could barely understand. “Skyler has been cheating on you.”

For a second, I just stared blankly at him. Then I remembered Skyler was my boyfriend.

Note to self: Don’t forget he’s your boyfriend when actually around him.

My next reaction was…odd, to say the least. Something I wasn’t even aware I was doing.

I laughed. Out loud.

This brought confused expressions upon my two friends’ faces, only making me laugh harder.

“What are you laughing at?” Gerard demanded, his pale knuckles tightly gripping the swings chains.

I shook my head. “Skyler’s not cheating on me,” I replied, running a thin finger under my eyes.

How could I sound so sure of myself? Well, I wasn’t positive, but that seemed very unlikely of someone like him. He was just too…nice, ya know? Like, even if he had cheated on me, he would have felt so bad he would just come up to me and tell me. That’s just the kind of person he is.

“No. No, he is,” Ray said, shaking his head so fiercely his fro bounced from side to side. “We saw him, Kelly.” He pointed to himself and Gee.

Momentarily freezing, in mind and body, I glanced between Ray and Gerard, trying to make sense of what they were saying. And, trying to feel upset. Any normal person would be pissed. But I just couldn’t seem to find it in my heart - that’s where this feeling was coming from, right? - to even be in the slightest bit hurt. What with my past relationships and finding out my boyfriend was cheating on me with my best friend, you’d think this would be the most terrible thing in the world. But it really wasn’t.

“Where’d you guys see him?” I asked. I couldn’t just shrug this thing off. That would make the guys get suspicious. Plus, Skyler really was a great guy. He deserved better.

Once again, Ray did the little ‘Imma-look-very-quickly-at-Gerard-before-I-talk-to-you!’ thing. “Uhm…the mall. We were at the mall. In the music store…”

I had started laughing again, so Ray just quit speaking all together. I rose to my feet, still shaking with laughter.

“Next time you guys are going to set my boyfriend up, you may want to get logical evidence,” I told them, beginning to walk towards the entrance of the park.

But it didn’t take more than two seconds before the sound of their feet coming in contact with the concrete ground in rushed footsteps met my ears. “Wait Kelly!” they both shouted at me, hands grabbing my arms and holding me back.

“Okay…so we made that up,” Ray admitted sheepishly.

A wave of pseudo shock washed over my face. “No. Really?!” I retorted sarcastically.

“But that’s only because we needed you to see that you have to break up with Skyler,” Gerard said, finishing Ray’s words yet again.

“’Kay…so lemme get this straight…” I paused for a second. Trying to grasp everything they were telling me. “You guys didn’t want to hurt me, so you lied to my face, saying that my boyfriend was cheating on me, when he clearly was not, then said I had to break up with him anyways?”

Ray and Gee looked at each other for a moment, seeming slightly confused, then turned back to me and nodded their heads.

“Exactly,” they said in unison.

I shook my head at them, resting my hands on my hips. “You guys are unbelievable,” I huffed, trying to contain my anger and not rip their throats out. Some friends, eh?

“We try.” Ray shrugged with a slight smile, clearly mistaking the meaning behind my words.

“No, Raymond. I don’t mean that kind of unbelievable. I meant it more like… I would really rather not be near either of you for quite some time until I find it in me to forgive the two of you.” ‘Kay…so maybe that was a little harsh. But I think they deserved it, no?

Ray made an ‘O’ shape with his mouth as him and Gerard looked down in shame for a second.

“Well, in all honesty, we had good reason to lie to you, Kelly,” Gee tried reasoning with me, but I found no point in it. I turned around to keep walking.

“It has to do with Fraaaaaank…” Gerard sang after me, making me stop dead in my tracks.

Frank?

I tried my hardest to ignore the wild bats that had suddenly unleashed themselves in my stomach as I turned back around, attempting to hide my insane curiosity.

“Make it quick,” I told them, watching them smile happily as they instantly dug into their explanation.

And, boy, was it an explanation that took quite a bit of convincing before I would believe it. And even more convincing for me to do the unthinkable afterwards.