The Past is Only the Future with the Lights On

I waited all day for that perfect moment. But it seemed like Frank was going to make this as tough as possible for me. Homeroom, he didn’t even bother showing up. Yet again, neither did half the class. It was the last day of school though, who could blame them? I would have been out there, doing whatever the hell it was that they were doing, had I not a slight bit of hope that he was just running late and planned on coming to class. I’m sure Mikey and Dahlia would be out there as well; they were just afraid to leave me alone.

And, dear lord, did those two save me from myself all through the short day. Had it not been for their presence, knowing I still had them to turn to, I don’t know what I would have done to myself during the short periods.

In my first and second period classes, we had nothing to do, so I simply left early and met up with them at our table in the cafeteria, where they tried their hardest to distract me and keep my mind off of Frank. But, somehow, I continued to bring him into the conversation.

“I should have stopped him, huh?…He was right there…and I could have told him that I broke up with Skyler for…” I trailed off, leaving my sentence hanging and completely ignoring Mikey’s attempt to entertain me with a ‘dumb blonde’ joke.

My eyes stayed connected on the odd pattern of the table as I spoke. I couldn’t look up at them. Not yet.

A silence filled the atmosphere between us, due to the fact that only a few other students were hanging out in the cafeteria, none of us knowing quite what to say. I listened in on a group of girls, not many tables away, talking about a graduation party they’d be attending, then began speaking once more.

“He’s probably pissed off at me for bringing that up last night. God, why am I so stupid?” I asked aloud, not really expecting an answer from either of my friends. Then a thought occurred to me. Sure, Gee and Ray had told me this, most likely assuming I’d go to Frank with it, but what would happen to them? I mean, Frank had also gone to them. And I wouldn’t like it much if I told my friends a secret and then they went and shared it with our other friends. I don’t know. Maybe that’s just me. I could only hope Frank’s weird mood swings wouldn’t get the best of him and that he’d stay away from them for a while…

“Don’t be ridiculous, Kelly,” Dahlia insisted, her hand reaching over the table to lightly grasp mine on top of the wooden surface. “It’s going to take something much more significant than this for Frank to stop loving you.” I smiled internally at this. “You know how it is sometimes. There’s just some things that…you need to get away from for a while.”

I ducked my head once more. “You mean me,” I whispered.

Dahlia’s words certainly did make sense, it just hurt knowing that he was averting me because of this. I knew first hand where Frank was coming from; I’d been in his shoes before. Sometimes you feel like you have to evade things for a while, and you can‘t do that when the person you‘re trying to shun is your best friend. And I’d have to respect that.

“Would you stop it, Kelly?” Dahlia’s voice became harsher than it was last time she spoke. Mikey even looked slightly surprised by her tone, then shrugged it off, probably used to it. “Its not you he’s staying away from. Don’t you see? He’s trying to avoid himself.”

Now she was starting to lose me…

She must have noticed the confused expression on my face, trying so hard to understand just what she was saying, because before I knew it, she was talking again, clarifying herself.

“Frank doesn’t know what to do at this point. He’s gone so long with these secret feelings for you, and now, all of a sudden, you’re aware of them. He’s just trying to decipher what to do,” she explained, her eyes locked on mine through her entire rationalized ‘speech’. “Trying to make sense of everything. It can be extremely overwhelming. Plus, he’s still oblivious to the fact that you and Skyler broke up.”

As if on cue, a loud, alarming noise went off, signaling the start of third period. Because of the shortened schedule, lunch wasn’t included. It was straight to class. And, as much as I’d rather stay put and talk to Dahlia and Mikey, it was a class we’d all have to attend; P.E. Even though it was pretty much pointless, because all we’d do there was sit on the bleachers and talk.

The three of us rose to our feet, collecting our things and making our way towards the large cafeteria doors.

“He still doesn’t know?” I asked skeptically. I would have assumed at least Mikey would have told him by now. Apparently not, though.

Mikey shook his head. “We thought you’d be better off telling him.”

I sighed. This was way too much stress and drama for one girl to handle.

“Mikes?” I said quietly, momentarily stepping to the side to let someone pass by. He looked up at me, his big honey eyes silently urging me to continue. “Can you tell him for me? I just, I don’t know if I’ll get the chance to tell him by the end of the day…”

Mikey was nodding his head before I’d even finished talking. “Sure thing, Kells. I just can’t promise that it’ll be right away, ya know? I’ll be lucky if I can get a word in with him by the end of the day. But I swear, I will let him know. I’ll just have to wait for…” he trailed off, seeming to be talking more to himself than me.

I resorted to finishing his words anyways, knowing exactly what he was referring to. “The perfect moment.”

He glanced at me and smiled gently in agreement.

I’d guessed his words meant he wasn’t too expectant on Frank showing up to class. And I wasn’t about to get my hopes up either. If he showed, he showed. If he didn’t…well, then that sucks. And whatever happened, happened. I’d just have to tough it out and deal with it.

“You’re still up for going tonight, right, Kelly? ‘Cause we can totally stay home if you’d rather do that,” Dahlia quickly threw in, her boyfriend bobbing his head next to her.

I smiled thankfully at my friends, but shook my head. “No, I’ll be fine,” I promised, still unsure if the words coming out of my mouth were the truth or a charade.