Heart Beat

June 23, 2009. Alex and I stand at the entrance to the slides, debating.
“I say we go down the green one first. It’s the smallest! And I don’t really like heights too much…” I shift my weight to my right leg and put my left hand on my hip. I use the other hand to hold my hair out of my face.
“But if we go on the yellow or orange slide first, the green one will seem like nothing! Come on.” Alex widens his eyes and pouts. I rub the back of my leg, avoiding his gaze.
“Well…okay, fine. You win this one! But this isn’t over Alex! Come on I’ll race you up! Last one there goes down the yellow slide first!” I take off running and Alex trails behind me, both of us laughing wildly.
At the top of the stairs, we both sit down to catch our breath. Alex clutches his heart and gasps, “I…beat…you. Down the…yellow slide…you go!” He starts laughing and choking from the lack of air. I pound him on the back until tears stream down his face and he sits upright.
“No you didn’t! I won, fair and square! Yellow slide for you!” We both start laughing again. We argue for a while, then decide that we’ll both go down the yellow slide, since we can’t agree on who won.
We climb the last flight of stairs to the yellow body slide. I lead the way, walking slower and slower as we approach the top. About half way up, I stop all together and cover my mouth with my hand. In a muffled voice I say, “I can’t go up there. It’s too high.” I start down the stairs. But Alex grabs my hand. He stands behind me. He puts one arm around my waist, and covers my eyes with my free hand.
Leaning down he murmurs, “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you. Come on, Yana. Please? For me?” I pause, and my heartbeat echoes loudly in my neck…it’s fast. He tentatively takes a step forward. I move with him. He relaxes and we go up the rest of the stairs, one by one. At last, we’re at the top. Alex takes his hand away from my eyes, and then realizes his mistake. At once, I look over the edge. And turn white. And bolt down the stairs. Alex runs after me and finds me sitting at the bottom of the stairs, close to tears. He sits down next to me and puts my arm around my shoulders. I’m shaking.
“Yana…” I shake my head and put my head on his shoulder. We sit like that for five or ten minutes before I stand up, pulling Alex with me.
“I’m okay. Let’s just go on the orange one, okay? I can do that one. I’ve done it before.” Alex nods. The light, happy, playful mood has disappeared and we walk in silent fog to the top of the orange slide. Then Alex recognizes the lifeguard working the top of the slide. The joke around, and I watch and laugh with them for a minute.
Then the lifeguard says, “Well? Are you two going down or not?” Alex sits down on the slide and waits for me to do the same. When I hesitate, he tries to get up and go to me, but the lifeguard pushes him down the slide. He turns to me and says, “Go on and meet him at the bottom. He’ll forgive you. Trust me, he likes you a lot.”
I nod happily and run down the stairs to find Alex. He emerges, dripping wet, from the slide exit. As soon as I see him, I run to him, putting my arms around his neck as my way of apologizing.
“Oh, no. I’m mad at you.” He says, still smiling. I stop walking, and so does he. Shifting myself to face him, I look him straight in the eye.
I gently brush my lips across his cheek, and Alex’s breathing grows shallow, his face getting hot. I tilt my head and him and say, “You aren’t really mad at me, are you Alex?” He shakes his head quickly, and then catches himself and pulls away, trying to act angry.
“Yes I am. I’m not talking to you.” But his lips quiver in a smile, and I know I’m off the hook.