‹ Prequel: You're Not Alone.
Status: Active
Me or the Music?
10
Marie's POV
"How do you like this one?"
Matt asked me, hand on the small of my back, as we walked through the third house today. Seventh this weekend. My brain ached with criticisms. I bit my lip and mused them through the pro's and con's section.
"I don't know about the yard." I looked up, apologetically, at Matt as he was obviously getting frustrated with my indecision.
Since the day he opened the divorce paperwork in our room, we had spent four weekends in total, looking at houses in Huntington. None of them felt good. Not enough yard space, too far from the beach, out of price range... Let's be honest though, Matt hadn't really set a budget if it meant us staying together. But in my mind I had number I wouldn't allow us to go over, financially I had to take that lead.
Inwardly I longed, longed, for a large house, big fenced in yard, the yard joining a beach front, just enough space for kids to run eventually. But in my mind I knew the house might have to come first, then children later on and we could always move into something more suiting.
"So a no?" Jensen, our realtor, asked as he crossed the address off of his list.
"I'm so sorry.. I think I might have to take a break for a while. My mind is so blurred." I shook Matt's hand off my back, walking out the front door, pushing my hair from my face as a gust of ocean breeze hit me strong.
I leaned against the car. Matt and Jensen sat on the porch of the house, no doubt going over more potential houses for next weekend. I grabbed my cell phone, which had been ringing off the hook during the visit. As if by magic, it rang again once in my hands.
Zack flashed across the large screen. I swiped against the glass and took a breath.
"Hello?" I asked, turning and leaning against the hood of the car.
"Hey, are you with Matt? Dumb question, house hunting... How's it going?" He corrected himself. Everyone had been so on edge around us lately, no senses of humor, trying not to hit any nerves. Walking on eggshells if you will, as to not cause any arguments.
"Yes I am, and it's going just like it has the past four weeks. Nothing. I'm.. I.. I don't even fucking know Zack. How do you think it's going? Have we announced we've bought a house yet??" I huffed "Sorry."
"I get it." He sighed "Just.. worried."
"So am I." I pressed my palm over my eyes and willed back tears. "I feel like this is so much pressure, I didn't expect it to be this much pressure... Maybe Jackie was right-"
"Jackie? About what?" He asked quickly "What does she have to do with this?"
"Nothing." I rescinded my statement quickly "I just asked her a timeline.." I Covered, knowing I Would have to call her immediately after this to tell her to cover her ass "I knew a month wouldn't work. Whatever. I mean... we have our whole lives right? Right!? I mean.." I started to think of the situation getting us in to this issue.
"Marie-"
"No, Zack. No. Who am I kidding? Myself? Matt? You all?" I laughed "This is impossible, we are impossible, Matt and I are utterly impossible and this is a waste of time." I rolled my eyes inwardly "We could live in a fucking mansion with all the kids we wanted, the perfect landscape, he could be getting home at six every night, and I'd still be a raging bipolar bitch."
"No, I feel like no." Zack laughed "I feel like you're putting to much pressure on this. Like.. Ok it takes a few months to find a house, Marie. So? Are you going to die if it takes a little longer than expected?"
"Possibly." I huffed, biting at my finger nail "I mean... I just think I jumped to starting line here. I mean basing this all off of whether or not we got a divorce might be adding-"
"EXCUSE ME" Zack's voice boomed in to the phone "A what?!" His voice pitched about four octaves "A what???" He asked again.
"A none of your business I opened my mouth too quickly." I cringed as I could hear gravel crunch behind me. "Zack, why did you even call in the first place?"
"Well I was looking for Matt..." He paused, obviously still trying to wrap his head around my words "But you obviously need to be left alone. Have him call me later. Bye..." He hung up quickly.
I let out a large breath from my nose, turning. Matt's arms were hung loosely in his pockets. Not crossed, not at his sides like he does when he's angry.
"Utterly impossible." He bit his lips as he nodded "Do you really feel that way?"
"Matt-"
"No, Marie. Is this a lost cause or are we doing the right thing?" He raised his shoulders "Am I wasting your time here? Am I wasting your time by doing everything you want to keep you?"
"That sounds bad." I rubbed my neck as my phone vibrated again. I shoved it in my purse and looked Matt deep in the eyes "Its been a month, we've done this four weeks in a row... I'm sorry. I feel like I'm wasting your time here and that you'd be better off just... Just living your life how you want and not waiting hand and foot on some girl who's so indecisive as me."
"That's what I chose when I said those vows, Marie. I agreed to loving you and staying with you regardless of what happened." He pursed his lips and shrugged "Even if it means this. Week after week of looking at houses that Jensen and myself know you won't like.."
"How do you even know that? That's assuming." I crossed my arms.
"Because the house you want doesn't exist here. You won't find what you want here." He took a few rolled papers from his back pocket, handing them to me "Is this what you want?"
"Yes.." I glanced the pictures over "This is beautiful.. The yard. The beach. The house is perfect.. And the price is ama-... Matt." I looked up and held the paper in the air "Really?"
"That's what you want. It's in Bodega Bay..." I handed him the papers, shaking my head "That's seven hours away."
"Point being?" He asked "It's what you want, it's priced what you want to not go over for some odd reason... You'll be happy." He took the papers back and shrugged "I mean... we don't have to live up everyone's asses forever."
I laughed and nodded "I guess... But.. I couldn't live seven hours away from here, I mean.." I paused, collecting my thoughts like I had to do often lately "This may sound dumb... But.. Why don't we buy something not with beach property. Just close? It may cut down on commuting issues for both of us?" I asked "I can give in, that's too far... I can't keep being so stubborn."
"If you want to, if you don't, we can keep looking." Matt smiled at me "Marie, you know I'd do anything for you. I want you to be happy... And I know one of those is me being home with you, and being closer to work will definitely help with that."
I laughed "Yah... ok. Save it for a few weeks from now, let's just go home and relax. I'm so done staring at painted walls and ceiling mouldings." I cringed "Please?"
"Thank you." Matt laughed "That would be wonderful."
"How do you like this one?"
Matt asked me, hand on the small of my back, as we walked through the third house today. Seventh this weekend. My brain ached with criticisms. I bit my lip and mused them through the pro's and con's section.
"I don't know about the yard." I looked up, apologetically, at Matt as he was obviously getting frustrated with my indecision.
Since the day he opened the divorce paperwork in our room, we had spent four weekends in total, looking at houses in Huntington. None of them felt good. Not enough yard space, too far from the beach, out of price range... Let's be honest though, Matt hadn't really set a budget if it meant us staying together. But in my mind I had number I wouldn't allow us to go over, financially I had to take that lead.
Inwardly I longed, longed, for a large house, big fenced in yard, the yard joining a beach front, just enough space for kids to run eventually. But in my mind I knew the house might have to come first, then children later on and we could always move into something more suiting.
"So a no?" Jensen, our realtor, asked as he crossed the address off of his list.
"I'm so sorry.. I think I might have to take a break for a while. My mind is so blurred." I shook Matt's hand off my back, walking out the front door, pushing my hair from my face as a gust of ocean breeze hit me strong.
I leaned against the car. Matt and Jensen sat on the porch of the house, no doubt going over more potential houses for next weekend. I grabbed my cell phone, which had been ringing off the hook during the visit. As if by magic, it rang again once in my hands.
Zack flashed across the large screen. I swiped against the glass and took a breath.
"Hello?" I asked, turning and leaning against the hood of the car.
"Hey, are you with Matt? Dumb question, house hunting... How's it going?" He corrected himself. Everyone had been so on edge around us lately, no senses of humor, trying not to hit any nerves. Walking on eggshells if you will, as to not cause any arguments.
"Yes I am, and it's going just like it has the past four weeks. Nothing. I'm.. I.. I don't even fucking know Zack. How do you think it's going? Have we announced we've bought a house yet??" I huffed "Sorry."
"I get it." He sighed "Just.. worried."
"So am I." I pressed my palm over my eyes and willed back tears. "I feel like this is so much pressure, I didn't expect it to be this much pressure... Maybe Jackie was right-"
"Jackie? About what?" He asked quickly "What does she have to do with this?"
"Nothing." I rescinded my statement quickly "I just asked her a timeline.." I Covered, knowing I Would have to call her immediately after this to tell her to cover her ass "I knew a month wouldn't work. Whatever. I mean... we have our whole lives right? Right!? I mean.." I started to think of the situation getting us in to this issue.
"Marie-"
"No, Zack. No. Who am I kidding? Myself? Matt? You all?" I laughed "This is impossible, we are impossible, Matt and I are utterly impossible and this is a waste of time." I rolled my eyes inwardly "We could live in a fucking mansion with all the kids we wanted, the perfect landscape, he could be getting home at six every night, and I'd still be a raging bipolar bitch."
"No, I feel like no." Zack laughed "I feel like you're putting to much pressure on this. Like.. Ok it takes a few months to find a house, Marie. So? Are you going to die if it takes a little longer than expected?"
"Possibly." I huffed, biting at my finger nail "I mean... I just think I jumped to starting line here. I mean basing this all off of whether or not we got a divorce might be adding-"
"EXCUSE ME" Zack's voice boomed in to the phone "A what?!" His voice pitched about four octaves "A what???" He asked again.
"A none of your business I opened my mouth too quickly." I cringed as I could hear gravel crunch behind me. "Zack, why did you even call in the first place?"
"Well I was looking for Matt..." He paused, obviously still trying to wrap his head around my words "But you obviously need to be left alone. Have him call me later. Bye..." He hung up quickly.
I let out a large breath from my nose, turning. Matt's arms were hung loosely in his pockets. Not crossed, not at his sides like he does when he's angry.
"Utterly impossible." He bit his lips as he nodded "Do you really feel that way?"
"Matt-"
"No, Marie. Is this a lost cause or are we doing the right thing?" He raised his shoulders "Am I wasting your time here? Am I wasting your time by doing everything you want to keep you?"
"That sounds bad." I rubbed my neck as my phone vibrated again. I shoved it in my purse and looked Matt deep in the eyes "Its been a month, we've done this four weeks in a row... I'm sorry. I feel like I'm wasting your time here and that you'd be better off just... Just living your life how you want and not waiting hand and foot on some girl who's so indecisive as me."
"That's what I chose when I said those vows, Marie. I agreed to loving you and staying with you regardless of what happened." He pursed his lips and shrugged "Even if it means this. Week after week of looking at houses that Jensen and myself know you won't like.."
"How do you even know that? That's assuming." I crossed my arms.
"Because the house you want doesn't exist here. You won't find what you want here." He took a few rolled papers from his back pocket, handing them to me "Is this what you want?"
"Yes.." I glanced the pictures over "This is beautiful.. The yard. The beach. The house is perfect.. And the price is ama-... Matt." I looked up and held the paper in the air "Really?"
"That's what you want. It's in Bodega Bay..." I handed him the papers, shaking my head "That's seven hours away."
"Point being?" He asked "It's what you want, it's priced what you want to not go over for some odd reason... You'll be happy." He took the papers back and shrugged "I mean... we don't have to live up everyone's asses forever."
I laughed and nodded "I guess... But.. I couldn't live seven hours away from here, I mean.." I paused, collecting my thoughts like I had to do often lately "This may sound dumb... But.. Why don't we buy something not with beach property. Just close? It may cut down on commuting issues for both of us?" I asked "I can give in, that's too far... I can't keep being so stubborn."
"If you want to, if you don't, we can keep looking." Matt smiled at me "Marie, you know I'd do anything for you. I want you to be happy... And I know one of those is me being home with you, and being closer to work will definitely help with that."
I laughed "Yah... ok. Save it for a few weeks from now, let's just go home and relax. I'm so done staring at painted walls and ceiling mouldings." I cringed "Please?"
"Thank you." Matt laughed "That would be wonderful."