Me or the Music?

Jackie's POV

Hannah and I each had explained to the investigator what had happened, we had come to visit her because she was sad, and found this. None of us could have imagined she was doing any of this behind our backs. She had just seemed... off.

Her blood alcohol had been thirty-five percent, which is almost lethal apparently, they explained that to Hannah and myself. They also found heavy, heavy amounts of Cocaine in her system, enough that she had come so close to an overdose, if the alcohol hadn't knocked her out, and she took any more, she would be flatlined.

She was currently laying in Intensive Care, hooked up to multiple monitors and machines, tubes in her throat, IV's covering her arms, and a monitor around her head along with an Oxygen mask. She was on a breathing machine but they needed to give her extra Oxygen due to the fact she had started to drown.

We had been sitting in the hospital for three and a half hours before my phone began to ring off he hook. Matt's name flashing across the screen.

"Hey." I picked up, trying to sound calm so maybe he wouldn't scream out my eardrums.

"WHERE IS SHE?" He screamed. Didn't work.

"We're at Huntington Hospital, room 76 in ICU." I sighed "Please don't bring everyone?"

"I'm driving him Jackie, and Brian's following us." Zack answered, " How... Nevermind. We'll talk to you when we get there in about five, ok?"

"Yah, ok." I hung up. Still picking the drying blood out from under my nails. I cringed, remembering how she felt in my arms, her slickened body, the Cocaine on the table, the amount of booze she ingested.

I turned to face Hannah as the ICU doors swung open, a nurse lead in the three boys. Matt was visibly shaking and pale as a ghost. Brian and Zack behind him, worry coating each of their faces. The same looks that they shared not so long ago..

"Jackie." Brian reached down and picked me up, I gently moved from his grasp "Babe.."

"She..." I shoved my head to his chest, finally letting out the rest of the tears that had beein harboring inside of my throat, burning to escape. Matt's features hardened, his eyes immediately releasing more tears. "She's on.. like... forty machines.." I choked out "She's... here."

"Here?" Matt asked, I nodded. He let out the smallest sigh I've ever heard. Zack was consoling a ruined Hannah in the corner, her body was limp and he was supporting her fully as she broke in his arms.

"Yah... Uhm... We can go sit in there? If you want, we just wanted to wait for you guys here." I gestured to the seats as I wiped my eyes, seeing my mascara mixing with traces of blood on my sleeve.

We all entered the room, the curtain was pulled in front of Marie's bed, hiding the machines from Matt's view. All you could see was the end of the bed where her pale white feet stuck barel from beneath the covers.

"What did they say?" He asked quietly, sitting down across from us all, beside the curtain between him and his wife.

"Her... Her blood alcohol was thirty-five percent." There was a loud choking noise from all three boys "And she had... she had very high levels of..." I glanced up at Matt, his eyes forcing the words from me "Cocaine, in her blood... Uhm.. if the alcohol hadn't shut her down first, she would... she would have overdosed."

His head hit his hands hard, hard. His entire body shook as a sob ripped through his body. I picked up Brian's arm from my waist and stood up, walking over to Matt. Tears spilled from my eyes as I sat on the arm of his chair, wrapping my arms around his neck and burrying my face in to his shoulder "I'm so fucking sorry, Matt." I sobbed, holding his body as he shook.

Hannah had Zack, I had Brian, to console us, to hold us, to keep what pieces were left, together. But Matt's lifeline, Matt's glue, was behind that curtain. She wasn't able to console him, because he was crying for her. We were crying for her. His arms held my waist, his hands shaking hard against my hips. I sighed and rested my chin on his head "Why?" He asked quietly "Why did she need this?"

"I don't.. I don't know." I sighed, holding him close.

"I can't lose them both, Jackie." His eyes looked up at me, empty. They were completely empty, the smile that normally occupied his face was removed and replaced by worry. "I should have stayed home.. If I had stayed home-"

"It would have just been another day, Matt. She would have done it another day." Hannah piped up "It's true... She obviously has something she's holding back and she wants to forget it all. It's... it would have only been postponed if you stayed."

"But if I stayed at least those four would be having fun still." Matt stared at the floor and rolled his eyes.

"Shut the fuck up." Brian hissed "You're family, Marie is family, we would have come home no matter what. I'm pretty sure we'd both leave our own wedding if one of us was in trouble." He looked up at me and I nodded "Exactly. So shut up, you didn't do anything, Matt. I'd rather be here making sure you don't do anything stupid."

He glanced over at Brian and back at the floor, clearly something had been said that I wasn't around for.

"How long did they say?" Matt asked as he brushed his fingers against the curtain.

"Well.. the doctor will be back soon, he's been coming every ten minutes to check her. They didn't give us a time when.. when she'd be up. They aren't sure, Matt." I Stood up "I'm going to go get food though, you guys must be hungry. That was a very fast, long car ride." I stared at the three of them "I don't want to know how you did it, I'm just glad you did.."

Hannah stood and followed me out as I began looking for any sign of food. It was nearing 1 A.M. now and I knew those boys would be even more irritable and emotional if they didn't eat soon.