Me or the Music?

Matt's POV

Marie definitely.. acted differently. We arrived in Sacramento, Jimmy was at the studio tracking some drum ideas for us to listen to, and she agreed to come in with us all. Her hips swung with every step she took, catching myself I adverted my eyes before Zack caught me staring.

"Marrriiiieeee!" Jimmy shrieked from the booth as we entered, quickly dropping his drum sticks and running to her.

"Jimbo!" She laughed, her smile widening as he picked her up, swinging her in a circle.

Her laugh filled the room, her face glowed so bright with each airy giggle. Her hair swung around her face, catching Jimmy off guard and going in his mouth. He set her down and swatted at her hair, making fake spitting noises.

"Your hair attacked me." He laughed and kissed her cheek "How ya... doing... love." He noticed me in the room "Hi."

"Hey." I waved, his eyes moving from Marie, to me, and back again "Yes she knows I'm here, I rode up with them all." I gestured to Zack, who was talking with one of the producers, and Hannah who was preoccupied on her phone.

"Gotcha. Just making sure before one of us had to put you in your place." He glowered at me. I took a breath in "So anyways, they want you to try a few vocals over the demos. I figured you would have driven separately. I guess though. Saves gas, economical. Smart." He sarcastically waved his hands and gestured towards the microphone and I nodded.

Marie's POV

I let my feet settle on the ground beneath me as Jimmy set me down, carrying on a conversation with Matt which I didn't care to hear. I walked over to the wall and stared at all the album work and records adorning it. It was crazy.

Music. How something so simple could influence a world so much. How people clung to it, myself one of them. Music was my world, obviously. The band, Eric, Matt, it encompassed it all. My life. I felt a pang in my heart realizing what I was losing grip on as I handed Matt those documents in the car ride up. But it needed to be done in order for me to take the next step.

I could hear Matt talking to one of the producers assistants, his laugh echoing off of each wall and hitting me hard. I forced myself to hide the smile playing against my lips, and heard a door shut. I turned as someone placed their hand on my shoulder, my defenses automatically rising.

"He's going to sing, do you want to stay or come with me? I'm gonna go get coffee." Hannah's eyes read mine intricately.

"I'm fine, I'll stay." I smiled "Zack's staying too, right?"

"Oh yes, I'm grabbing all of them coffee. We can leave whenever you want though, I'll be back soon." She smiled, seeing the emotions in my face like bold print in a book.

"Alright, see you when you get back." I smiled as she left, giving waves quickly to the guys as she left.

I took a seat across the room from Zack, who was holding an odd conversation with Jimmy, something to do with ducks. I wasn't quite trying to follow in all honesty. My mind was set focused on Matt, he was in the booth singing, his voice filling the speakers around us as the producer gave him direction.

"Ok, so you have the sheet with you, right?" The man asked Matt, his name I didn't know, I obviously wasn't as in tuned with this process this time around.

"Yah, starting where it's highlighted?" Matt asked, receiving a nod "Oh, here we go.." He laughed, nervousness in his voice catching my attention as I ignored Zack's words directed towards me. Matt began singing:

"Dear God the only thing I ask of you is
To hold her when I'm not around
When I'm much too far away
We all need that person who can be true to you
But I left her when I found her"

"Marie, are you ok?" Jimmy nudged my arm, sitting next to me.

"Y-yah.." I stammered, listening to Matt's words as he continued.

"Some search, never finding a way
Before long, they waste away
I found you, something told me to stay
I gave in, to selfish ways
And how I miss someone to hold
When hope begins to fade"

Matt's eyes met mine, tears gently running down his cheeks. I shook my head, removing Jimmy's arm from mine.

"I'll be outside." I stood and walked for the door.

Matt's POV

How I was going to sing this, without cracking, with her in the studio was beyond me. I was just thankful that Zack and Jimmy were keeping her occupied while I sang. Praying to God, inside, I kept singing.

"When hope begins to fade.." I paused and glanced up, Marie's eyes trained on mine, holding their ground. Tears began falling from my eyes as she shook her head, shaking Jimmy's hands off of her as she stood up. I could feel the vibrations of her heels clicking against the floor and the room shook as she slammed the door.

She was gone, all I could see was the guys in the other room, staring at me "Well, fucking great song to start with fucking twat." Jimmy mumbled over the microphone sitting in front of our producer. I squatted down and held my head in my hands. Realizing that no matter what I did I wasn't getting her back. She was actually gone, and I'm not sure if it was possible, but my heart broke all over again. For the millionth time.

"I can't let her go." I stood quickly and opened the door, shaking off the headphones I was wearing and running for the door. I looked outside, shielding my eyes against the sun's light. "Marie!" I Shouted, watching as her figure walked down the side of the building towards the outdoor tables.

She didn't even flinch, didn't move, didn't turn, nothing. I ran, trying to catch up with her. Her high heel caught in a divot and she stumbled, falling against her knees "Marie." I knelt down, offering my hand.

"Get the fuck away." She hissed at me, her eyes dry. She stood quickly "I'm fucking fine, I needed air, why the fuck can't you take the hint from Jim and Zack to leave me alone?" She asked, shoving her hair from her face, glancing down at the rip in her jeans "Fuck, I liked these jeans." She brushed herself off.

"I'm sorry... I just... I need to talk to you." I held my hands out, trying to stop her from walking away again "I-"

"What, Matt?" She placed her hands on her bare hips, her nails digging in against her thin frame, probably more out of annoyance towards me than anything. "Is it not ok with you that I'm not the one crying this time? Or that you aren't the reason I fell? Or what? You have two minutes to explain." She looked at the clock on her phone "Go."

"I love you, I fucking love you. I know I was an asshole, I fucking hurt you, and I can never shake those images and that memory, what foggy pieces are actually there... Just let me try to fix this." I begged, trying not to use the word please, considering the car ride up here worked out so well with that one "I need to show you how much I love you, that I'm sorry for what I did. I was drunk, I was mad, I was so confused at everything. I was in a really bad spot... That I'm so sorry and I don't deserve your forgiveness, that I deserve this divorce, but Marie I can't.. I can't live without you. I can't live without seeing you, holding you, kissing you-"

She looked down at her phone "Then die, cuz your times up." She hissed and moved away from me, sitting down at one of the tables and pulling a carton of cigarettes from her back pocket. I hadn't known she smoked, that couldn't have been good for her heart issue, but I ignored her lighting one up and stood, staring at her.

"Can you let me fix this, Marie. I'm begging you. I will literally get on my god damned knees and beg, I'll actually do anything. I will do anything on this planet that could get you to forgive me, to give me another chance. Marie.." I begged, beginning to kneel in front of her.

She put her hands up, holding the cigarette between her fingertips and opening her lips to the sky, letting out a stream of smoke above her head "As much as I'd love to see you grovel, and cry, and watch your little rockstar heart break apart in front of me, I can't let that happen." She laughed a little "I can't lead you on thinking this will work, think this could be fixed?" She stared at me "Do you understand, Matthew, exactly what you fucking did? What you called me?" She asked "You called me a liar, a bitch, a whore, all of the above within such a short amount of time, and such a short time later you're here in front of me, begging me," She gestured to the position I was in currently "To forgive you? Forgive you? I would forgive my husband, I would in a heart beat.." She paused and took another drag of her cigarette "But that man wasn't my husband. That man was reckless, uncaring, unhinged, on a rampage for what GOD knows. I can't forgive something that you didn't even understand you were doing, Matt. Because that's the issue, you weren't aware of your actions until after they played out. Until after you hurt me, after you let me fall down a flight of stairs, after you brought me to my fucking knees." She hissed at me, looking at her phone as it rang "I can't forgive someone who isn't even in their own head at the time they made the largest, biggest, most profound mistake of their life. That's my stand on this issue, I can't trust the fact it won't happen again. And who knows if it did, if you wouldn't have completely snapped."

Her eyes met mine, for the first time since she left me that I've looked in to them, I saw pain. Sadness. Something unrecognizable that I could only imagine was hatred.

"I'm so sorry, Marie, I never meant to hurt you, ever or at all.." I whispered as she stood, stomping out her cigarette beneath her glossy black pump "Please-"

She laughed, cutting me off "There's that silly little word again, Matt. I'm not sure if they're comparable, but I can only imagine what you're feeling is half of the physical pain you put me through. So please, if this is going to be so hard for you I'll make sure I'm not around any longer."

"Marie!" I shouted to her as she walked towards Hannah as she pulled in the parking lot. Hannah's eyes shot over to me, then back to Marie's face. They exchanged quiet words and Hannah nodded.

"Sanders!" She screamed at me "Get the fuck in here."

I stood, reluctantly, and followed her in to the building as Marie stood outside. Hannah let out a long sigh as we walked in side.

"Ok, lovelies." She kissed Zack's cheek "I'm taking Marie home, I'll return to pick your asses up," She glanced over at me "Thank you for fucking that up even more, you fucking twat."

"What?" Zack looked up at me "What did you fucking do?" He and Jimmy were on their feet instantly at Hannah's words "Matt?"

"She... I... I begged her, Zack, I fucking cried, I begged her to let me try-"

Zack rolled his eyes, hanging his head back and groaning "Dude! Let her the fuck go! She doesn't want anything to do with you! She didn't even want to come with us up here, but she's bored, she was hanging out with Hannah.. Ugh!" He shoved at my chest "Go track and fucking leave her alone."

"I'm bringing her home." Hannah reminded.

"Oh right, well, go. Go get some ice cream, shopping, something. Take her mind off this shit." Jimmy pointed at me "You're a fuck up. Just try to fucking win back the woman who handed you divorce papers... TWICE." He rolled his eyes and sat down.

"I... I can't live without her." I sat down and put my head in my hands.

"Then die." Hannah shrugged "Cuz you should have thought about that before you went domestic case on her. Which you're lucky she never reported or filed anything against you, or kiss this," She gestured at the studio "Good bye."

"I know." I bit my lips and fought tears back "I just need her to understand,"

"Leave her alone, Matt." Zack hissed at me "You're never going to be with her again, you need to come to terms with that."

I shook my head as Hannah left the building, letting my mind go in to the darkest depths of my soul before I was taken from my thoughts and shoved back in to the recording booth. Today was going to be hell... just like every other day.