‹ Prequel: You're Not Alone.
Status: Active
Me or the Music?
36
Matt's POV
"Thanks... for the ride." Marie mumbled as we pulled in to her driveway "Uhm... do you wanna come in? I'll make some coffee and lunch or something?" She asked "You look hungry, and you've been out all night.."
"Sure." I nodded, getting out of the car and following her to the steps. She unlocked the door, kicking her shoes off at the entrance.
"I'm gonna go change really quick, shower this-..." She paused and looked at me, squinting her eyes "Quick shower and change, I'll be down in ten minutes. Remote should be on the coffee table, Bax is kicking around somewhere." She gestured to the couch and ran up the stairs.
I nodded and sat down on the couch, it didn't take long for Bax to curl up at my feet, resting his head almost on top of my shoe. I laughed, he was always so quiet. I heard the shower turn on and Marie's voice, she was singing.
I closed my eyes and laid back on the couch, tiredness taking over. I had actually been out, literally, all night looking for her. I had gotten Val's phone call around midnight, the one I actually answered, and hadn't stopped driving since. I had gone through four coffees and two energy drinks just to stay awake. Not knowing where Marie actually was, or if she was even safe, killed me. It didn't hit me to ask where she had actually been, until she explained to the officer she was at a friend's house. Which was false, no one we knew lived in that area of LA. Well, not anyone she knew when she had been with me.
Minutes passed, my mind racing in circles trying to pretend I wasn't bothered by the fact she hadn't told me where she was. Not that she had to, we were in the process of a divorce. I heard a door shut and a loud shout.
"Marie!"
I recognized Zack's voice and closed my eyes tighter, he would fucking rip me to shreds.
"Upstairs!" She called, Zack ran up the stairs. I sat up quickly, watching him disappear. My phone buzzed.
Go in the kitchen, if he sees you he'll kill you.
I groaned at Marie's text and walked quietly in to the kitchen, hearing them arguing upstairs about her going out last night and why she didn't let Jackie drive her home. Something about Hannah, then I heard the front door shut.
Marie walked in to the kitchen "He's gone." She set her phone down "Sorry, he's just... none of them are sure about me even talking to you. Frankly neither am I." She grabbed a bag of coffee and began pouring it in to the filter. "So.."
"So." I shrugged, leaning up against the counter "How are you? How's work?" I asked.
She laughed "Good, Matt, it's good."
"Did..." I paused, wondering if I should be the one to tell her or not. Zack was just here, and if he hadn't told her I wasn't sure if she was meant to know.
"Zack tell me about him and Han?" She asked, I nodded "Yah, I'll call Hannah later and -"
"I wouldn't." I mumbled "She doesn't... she doesn't really want to talk to you."
"What?" She stopped pouring water and looked at me "Is this what Jimmy wanted to talk to me about today?" She asked.
"Probably. She felt like he spent too much time over here consoling you and checking on you.." I rubbed my hand over my neck, Hannah had gotten really, and I mean really jealous of Marie in the past few months. Rightly so, I kind of figured. Zack had spent a ton of time calling Marie, talking to her, making sure she was ok, and going over late at night to console her. I mean, they were probably the closest of all my friends, I didn't see an issue with it, I trusted him more than Brian. That moron couldn't keep it in his pants if it was life or death.
"Oh." Marie sighed "I... Nothing happened." She looked up at me "If you're worried too, I could never... it's Zack." She laughed "He was only being nice."
"I know that." I smiled "I trust Zack not to be a scumbag."
She smiled, opening the fridge and looking inside "How does chicken parm sound? I have chicken that needs to get cooked, or chicken Alfredo?" She looked up, a small smile playing against the corners of her mouth. I couldn't help but feel like someone lit a fire in my stomach as she stared at me.
"Doesn't matter to me, I'm just glad to not have to cook." I laughed as she rolled her bright green eyes.
"Alfredo it is." She smiled and grabbed a bunch of shit from the fridge "So, tell me about work now. Occupy my time." She laughed.
"I would, but not with talking." I smirked. She glared at me "Sorry. Uh... works good? You were there..."
"Yah." She mumbled and grabbed a pan from under the counter, watching her smile as she cooked lit my soul on fire, she hadn't enjoyed being in our kitchen very long since everything was going on "That song-"
"It's called Dear God.." I cut her off "I wrote it one night, well morning actually, it was like three in the morning." I shrugged as she nodded, tying her hair up before washing her hands.
Her skin shined like diamonds, her smile faltered as I made some crude joke about Jimmy when he was tracking his drums, he had done something gross with his drum stick when he fucked up a beat once. Once, that's how often he fucked up. Her hands worked quickly at making the sauce, then chopping and cooking the chicken, then she boiled up some noodles and broccoli.
"You should take some of this with you later," She mumbled as she plated us both dishes "This is way too much to stay here, it'd go bad." She looked up at me, her eyes questioning.
"Yah, sure... I mean, if it's gonna go bad." I smiled as she set a plate down in front of me at the island. I pulled up a bar stool and sat as she sat on the opposite side.
"Drink? I have-"
"Waters fine."
She eyed me "Beer, milk, water, soda..?"
"Water." I reiterated "I don't... I don't drink."
"Water it is." She nodded and grabbed two glasses, filling them both from the fridge and setting them down "I didn't drink until last night." She grimaced "Bad idea...." She trailed off, I could see her mentally kicking herself.
"So Jeremy?" I asked, she looked up "I saw your phone light up while you were cooking, I thought it said Jackie.. I shouldn't have looked."
She sighed "It was a huge, huge," Again mentally kicking herself as a cringed "Mistake. I shouldn't have drank, at all. At all." She laughed, wincing "Hangover major."
"I bet." I laughed "So... you were ok though?" I asked, she nodded, taking a bite of her food "As long as you're ok and happy."
She let out a laugh, taking a drink quickly "Happy?" She asked, crinkling her nose up "Really? Happy? Matt.." She paused, pushing her food around on her plate "Happy isn't a word any more, really. I mean, I'm... content." She paused, I took a huge bite, her cooking was fucking fantastic and besides her, and the sex, it was definitely up there on things I missed. "I'm content, I have a good job, I have my own house... but I don't think actually being happy is in my cards." She shrugged "Jeremy was... good, an outlet. I definitely needed that, but... I don't think I could date someone."
Her words were safe. Her lips guarded, she was obviously questioning the trust she was putting in to me right now and her body read it loud and clear.
"Marie, can we go to therapy? Counselling? Something?" I asked carefully as she had given enough time signalling she was finished with her thought.
"I can't trust you." She looked up, tears pricking the corners of her eyes "It still hurts to much Matt."
"I know, and I'm so fucking sorry. I've beaten myself up about it every day since you let." I watched her eyes focus on the floor "I need you, I can't live with this... Even if we just go to therapy and then we decide it doesn't work... I just need to try with you, Marie.."
"I want to.." She looked up at me "I can't sleep at night without you, but the same nightmares of you I'm having are what's keeping me awake." She broke. He eyes broke. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, her body signaling to me she didn't want response "All I can dream of is that night, your eyes," She wiped her face "How gone you were, the words..." She shivered "Matt it hurts." She looked up, her lips quivering.
"Let me fix this." I whispered as she dropped her fork down, holding her face in her hands. I ignored all body language and got up, moving over to hold her tight. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, feeling her shake harder. Her hands wrapped around my arms, holding close. I kissed the top of her head, hard, over and over again. "I love you, Marie, let me fix this, let me gain your trust back, please. I am so sorry."
"I love you Matt, I need you, I love you so much." She cried and looked up "I love you."
She pushed up against me, pressing her lips to mine. I could feel so many emotions flow over my body as I pulled her closer, holding her small frame in my arms alone, picking her straight up off her chair. Her body went limp with sobs in my arms, her head burying in to my neck "I love you, so much, I'm going to prove to you that you're safe with me... I'm so sorry Marie.." I whispered in to her freshly washed hair as she cried against me, soaking my shirt in tears.
"Thanks... for the ride." Marie mumbled as we pulled in to her driveway "Uhm... do you wanna come in? I'll make some coffee and lunch or something?" She asked "You look hungry, and you've been out all night.."
"Sure." I nodded, getting out of the car and following her to the steps. She unlocked the door, kicking her shoes off at the entrance.
"I'm gonna go change really quick, shower this-..." She paused and looked at me, squinting her eyes "Quick shower and change, I'll be down in ten minutes. Remote should be on the coffee table, Bax is kicking around somewhere." She gestured to the couch and ran up the stairs.
I nodded and sat down on the couch, it didn't take long for Bax to curl up at my feet, resting his head almost on top of my shoe. I laughed, he was always so quiet. I heard the shower turn on and Marie's voice, she was singing.
I closed my eyes and laid back on the couch, tiredness taking over. I had actually been out, literally, all night looking for her. I had gotten Val's phone call around midnight, the one I actually answered, and hadn't stopped driving since. I had gone through four coffees and two energy drinks just to stay awake. Not knowing where Marie actually was, or if she was even safe, killed me. It didn't hit me to ask where she had actually been, until she explained to the officer she was at a friend's house. Which was false, no one we knew lived in that area of LA. Well, not anyone she knew when she had been with me.
Minutes passed, my mind racing in circles trying to pretend I wasn't bothered by the fact she hadn't told me where she was. Not that she had to, we were in the process of a divorce. I heard a door shut and a loud shout.
"Marie!"
I recognized Zack's voice and closed my eyes tighter, he would fucking rip me to shreds.
"Upstairs!" She called, Zack ran up the stairs. I sat up quickly, watching him disappear. My phone buzzed.
Go in the kitchen, if he sees you he'll kill you.
I groaned at Marie's text and walked quietly in to the kitchen, hearing them arguing upstairs about her going out last night and why she didn't let Jackie drive her home. Something about Hannah, then I heard the front door shut.
Marie walked in to the kitchen "He's gone." She set her phone down "Sorry, he's just... none of them are sure about me even talking to you. Frankly neither am I." She grabbed a bag of coffee and began pouring it in to the filter. "So.."
"So." I shrugged, leaning up against the counter "How are you? How's work?" I asked.
She laughed "Good, Matt, it's good."
"Did..." I paused, wondering if I should be the one to tell her or not. Zack was just here, and if he hadn't told her I wasn't sure if she was meant to know.
"Zack tell me about him and Han?" She asked, I nodded "Yah, I'll call Hannah later and -"
"I wouldn't." I mumbled "She doesn't... she doesn't really want to talk to you."
"What?" She stopped pouring water and looked at me "Is this what Jimmy wanted to talk to me about today?" She asked.
"Probably. She felt like he spent too much time over here consoling you and checking on you.." I rubbed my hand over my neck, Hannah had gotten really, and I mean really jealous of Marie in the past few months. Rightly so, I kind of figured. Zack had spent a ton of time calling Marie, talking to her, making sure she was ok, and going over late at night to console her. I mean, they were probably the closest of all my friends, I didn't see an issue with it, I trusted him more than Brian. That moron couldn't keep it in his pants if it was life or death.
"Oh." Marie sighed "I... Nothing happened." She looked up at me "If you're worried too, I could never... it's Zack." She laughed "He was only being nice."
"I know that." I smiled "I trust Zack not to be a scumbag."
She smiled, opening the fridge and looking inside "How does chicken parm sound? I have chicken that needs to get cooked, or chicken Alfredo?" She looked up, a small smile playing against the corners of her mouth. I couldn't help but feel like someone lit a fire in my stomach as she stared at me.
"Doesn't matter to me, I'm just glad to not have to cook." I laughed as she rolled her bright green eyes.
"Alfredo it is." She smiled and grabbed a bunch of shit from the fridge "So, tell me about work now. Occupy my time." She laughed.
"I would, but not with talking." I smirked. She glared at me "Sorry. Uh... works good? You were there..."
"Yah." She mumbled and grabbed a pan from under the counter, watching her smile as she cooked lit my soul on fire, she hadn't enjoyed being in our kitchen very long since everything was going on "That song-"
"It's called Dear God.." I cut her off "I wrote it one night, well morning actually, it was like three in the morning." I shrugged as she nodded, tying her hair up before washing her hands.
Her skin shined like diamonds, her smile faltered as I made some crude joke about Jimmy when he was tracking his drums, he had done something gross with his drum stick when he fucked up a beat once. Once, that's how often he fucked up. Her hands worked quickly at making the sauce, then chopping and cooking the chicken, then she boiled up some noodles and broccoli.
"You should take some of this with you later," She mumbled as she plated us both dishes "This is way too much to stay here, it'd go bad." She looked up at me, her eyes questioning.
"Yah, sure... I mean, if it's gonna go bad." I smiled as she set a plate down in front of me at the island. I pulled up a bar stool and sat as she sat on the opposite side.
"Drink? I have-"
"Waters fine."
She eyed me "Beer, milk, water, soda..?"
"Water." I reiterated "I don't... I don't drink."
"Water it is." She nodded and grabbed two glasses, filling them both from the fridge and setting them down "I didn't drink until last night." She grimaced "Bad idea...." She trailed off, I could see her mentally kicking herself.
"So Jeremy?" I asked, she looked up "I saw your phone light up while you were cooking, I thought it said Jackie.. I shouldn't have looked."
She sighed "It was a huge, huge," Again mentally kicking herself as a cringed "Mistake. I shouldn't have drank, at all. At all." She laughed, wincing "Hangover major."
"I bet." I laughed "So... you were ok though?" I asked, she nodded, taking a bite of her food "As long as you're ok and happy."
She let out a laugh, taking a drink quickly "Happy?" She asked, crinkling her nose up "Really? Happy? Matt.." She paused, pushing her food around on her plate "Happy isn't a word any more, really. I mean, I'm... content." She paused, I took a huge bite, her cooking was fucking fantastic and besides her, and the sex, it was definitely up there on things I missed. "I'm content, I have a good job, I have my own house... but I don't think actually being happy is in my cards." She shrugged "Jeremy was... good, an outlet. I definitely needed that, but... I don't think I could date someone."
Her words were safe. Her lips guarded, she was obviously questioning the trust she was putting in to me right now and her body read it loud and clear.
"Marie, can we go to therapy? Counselling? Something?" I asked carefully as she had given enough time signalling she was finished with her thought.
"I can't trust you." She looked up, tears pricking the corners of her eyes "It still hurts to much Matt."
"I know, and I'm so fucking sorry. I've beaten myself up about it every day since you let." I watched her eyes focus on the floor "I need you, I can't live with this... Even if we just go to therapy and then we decide it doesn't work... I just need to try with you, Marie.."
"I want to.." She looked up at me "I can't sleep at night without you, but the same nightmares of you I'm having are what's keeping me awake." She broke. He eyes broke. Tears cascaded down her cheeks, her body signaling to me she didn't want response "All I can dream of is that night, your eyes," She wiped her face "How gone you were, the words..." She shivered "Matt it hurts." She looked up, her lips quivering.
"Let me fix this." I whispered as she dropped her fork down, holding her face in her hands. I ignored all body language and got up, moving over to hold her tight. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, feeling her shake harder. Her hands wrapped around my arms, holding close. I kissed the top of her head, hard, over and over again. "I love you, Marie, let me fix this, let me gain your trust back, please. I am so sorry."
"I love you Matt, I need you, I love you so much." She cried and looked up "I love you."
She pushed up against me, pressing her lips to mine. I could feel so many emotions flow over my body as I pulled her closer, holding her small frame in my arms alone, picking her straight up off her chair. Her body went limp with sobs in my arms, her head burying in to my neck "I love you, so much, I'm going to prove to you that you're safe with me... I'm so sorry Marie.." I whispered in to her freshly washed hair as she cried against me, soaking my shirt in tears.