Found
Lacey Considers
"Joshua," I said as I shook awake.
"Yes, sweetie?" He asked me. His voice has always soothed me, so it sort of helped calm me down. I tried to look at his breath-taking face, as that too calmed me down. I couldn't; it was pitch black.
"I dreamed about the kids," I told him, sighing. I had always told him everything, I had always been laid back, and went with the flow. It wasn't even awkward to him, me having kids.
"Oh, is that so?" He asked, I knew he would say that, he was so predictable to me.
"Yeah," I said. "I dreamed that there were...like me. I thought leaving them would be the best, but what if me trying to make them have a better childhood, made it worse?"
I had a bad childhood, as Josh knew, so I didn't have to explain to him what I meant like me. My family was quite...well poor. That wasn't even what made me turn to drugs, those evil things. We were always poor, I was use to it. It was my mom always fighting with me, that pushed me. I didn't know what else to do, so I turned to drugs. Now that I think about it, I could have went straight to my grandmothers. But that`s not what I did. I did drugs, had a nervous breakdown, then went to her.
You probably think I am exaggerating my breakdown. But I`m not. I was a mess. It hurts just to talk about, it`s embarrassing, too. I cut my hair off, and even highly considered suicide. If it wasn't for my gram considering church, I probably wouldn't be here today.
That is why I gave up my children. One I had to John during my drug years. The other I also had to John when I was better, and we were together. I didn't want them to have a bad life, to end up pushing them like my mom did me. So I put them up for adoption. The same adoption place, at different times, but they were still put together.
"Baby," Josh said, bringing me back from those painful memories and worries. "I am sure they are fine. We can go find out about them in the morning if you want."
He always knew how to make me feel better, as he did saying we could check out them. If they are fine then that`s good, that`s what they want, I will let them be. If they aren't, I`m taking them. "That would be good," I whispered.
I felt him nod against me and then there was silence, he had fallen asleep.
"Yes, sweetie?" He asked me. His voice has always soothed me, so it sort of helped calm me down. I tried to look at his breath-taking face, as that too calmed me down. I couldn't; it was pitch black.
"I dreamed about the kids," I told him, sighing. I had always told him everything, I had always been laid back, and went with the flow. It wasn't even awkward to him, me having kids.
"Oh, is that so?" He asked, I knew he would say that, he was so predictable to me.
"Yeah," I said. "I dreamed that there were...like me. I thought leaving them would be the best, but what if me trying to make them have a better childhood, made it worse?"
I had a bad childhood, as Josh knew, so I didn't have to explain to him what I meant like me. My family was quite...well poor. That wasn't even what made me turn to drugs, those evil things. We were always poor, I was use to it. It was my mom always fighting with me, that pushed me. I didn't know what else to do, so I turned to drugs. Now that I think about it, I could have went straight to my grandmothers. But that`s not what I did. I did drugs, had a nervous breakdown, then went to her.
You probably think I am exaggerating my breakdown. But I`m not. I was a mess. It hurts just to talk about, it`s embarrassing, too. I cut my hair off, and even highly considered suicide. If it wasn't for my gram considering church, I probably wouldn't be here today.
That is why I gave up my children. One I had to John during my drug years. The other I also had to John when I was better, and we were together. I didn't want them to have a bad life, to end up pushing them like my mom did me. So I put them up for adoption. The same adoption place, at different times, but they were still put together.
"Baby," Josh said, bringing me back from those painful memories and worries. "I am sure they are fine. We can go find out about them in the morning if you want."
He always knew how to make me feel better, as he did saying we could check out them. If they are fine then that`s good, that`s what they want, I will let them be. If they aren't, I`m taking them. "That would be good," I whispered.
I felt him nod against me and then there was silence, he had fallen asleep.