Status: Runaways
We've Escaped
Luci
I wrapped my arms around the smooth white bowl, resting my head on it. Waiting. So far I just kept dry heaving. So badly, my eyes were watering, and it looked as I were crying. Might as well have been. When I look in the mirror, lines of black run down my cheeks. Finally it happens. My entire lunch empty's into the toilet. I flush it then rinse my mouth out, and wipe my cheeks, then sink down to the floor.
This damn baby was making me miserable! The smell and taste of vomit lingers, and just makes me nauseous again. I put my head between my knees and just breathe. Breathe, and slowly count to ten.
1.. 2..3...4...5.....6....7...8...9...10.
God damn I could use a cigarette right now... The thought constantly ran through my mind. But right now, it was urgent. I felt like I was gonna explode without one! It's so early in the pregnancy... one time won't hurt.. The thoughts were evil, and I knew it, but they took over.
Quickly I got up and went to my dresser. With shaking fingers, I pulled out the box I kept everything I didn't want anyone to find it. I fumbled around in it till I found a box of cigarettes I had stolen. There were still 6 in the box. I pulled one out, and found a lighter.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered to my stomach before opening my window. As soon as I brought it to my lips, I could taste the sweet tobacco. A shiver went down my spin as I lite it up and inhaled. Relief and calmness flooded my body as I puffed on it. Ahh this is great.. I hated myself for it, but I needed it. I couldn't help it!
I put it out, then threw it out the window. The thought of the bottles of wine and vodka hidden in my closet, came out of the back of my mind. It was so tempting.. But no I couldn't do that. No. No. Yes... You know you'll feel better.. Ahh!
I left my room and went out my front door. Taking long, fast steps towards town, I scolded myself. Whats wrong with you???? God I needed help. Instead of going to the cafe like I had planned, I went to our meeting place instead.
Sitting down in a clearing, surrounded by big, green, leafy trees, I took out my Ipod. I curled up in a tight ball and blasted my music. I could NOT let these stupid thoughts get the best of me. My addictions are not as important as my baby. Not nearly as important. And I HAD to remember that..
This damn baby was making me miserable! The smell and taste of vomit lingers, and just makes me nauseous again. I put my head between my knees and just breathe. Breathe, and slowly count to ten.
1.. 2..3...4...5.....6....7...8...9...10.
God damn I could use a cigarette right now... The thought constantly ran through my mind. But right now, it was urgent. I felt like I was gonna explode without one! It's so early in the pregnancy... one time won't hurt.. The thoughts were evil, and I knew it, but they took over.
Quickly I got up and went to my dresser. With shaking fingers, I pulled out the box I kept everything I didn't want anyone to find it. I fumbled around in it till I found a box of cigarettes I had stolen. There were still 6 in the box. I pulled one out, and found a lighter.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered to my stomach before opening my window. As soon as I brought it to my lips, I could taste the sweet tobacco. A shiver went down my spin as I lite it up and inhaled. Relief and calmness flooded my body as I puffed on it. Ahh this is great.. I hated myself for it, but I needed it. I couldn't help it!
I put it out, then threw it out the window. The thought of the bottles of wine and vodka hidden in my closet, came out of the back of my mind. It was so tempting.. But no I couldn't do that. No. No. Yes... You know you'll feel better.. Ahh!
I left my room and went out my front door. Taking long, fast steps towards town, I scolded myself. Whats wrong with you???? God I needed help. Instead of going to the cafe like I had planned, I went to our meeting place instead.
Sitting down in a clearing, surrounded by big, green, leafy trees, I took out my Ipod. I curled up in a tight ball and blasted my music. I could NOT let these stupid thoughts get the best of me. My addictions are not as important as my baby. Not nearly as important. And I HAD to remember that..