You're Flying

It's been a month since I successfully was able to get Angel to ignore me. I can't believe I told him that he's annoying and only useful for cleaning things. I was forcing myself to say the meanest things I could think of to him, pushing him away. He kept trying to make everything okay between us though, it just compliments his character even more.

In the end, I'm glad I was successful. I haven't talked to him in a month. We've completely ignored each other. He doesn't even bother coming over when I'm home, which is a pretty easy thing to work out since I've been partying way more then usual. Quince has been joining me less and less. He's been turning into a good brother, slowly going straight edge.

It hurt to say those things to him, but I had to. It's the only way that I could successfully evade him. I feel like if I see him anytime soon all of my effort will go down the tubes. I'll see his beautiful puppy-dog eyes and plump, pouty lips and want to jump him right then and there. I'd want to hold him and cuddle him and tell him everything would be alright, just like I used to. I used to be like a second brother to him, but that was never enough for me. Look where my greed and neediness put us now. I'm such a fucking sucky person.

I hate Donnie, too. I don't care if he's perfect for Angel or not. He's putting a smile on my Angel's face. I'm supposed to be the one doing that, even if I'm the cause for his frowns lately. I'm turning into a fucking jealous bastard that is drowning his sorrows in alcohol even more then he used to.

Alcohol is my escape, and I have no problem being one hundred percent reliant on it to take my trouble away. I love feeding my addiction.

I heard a soft knock on my bedroom door and I turned towards the door as it creaked open. Quince walked in, waving to me before sitting Indian-style in the middle of my floor. "Hey, we need to talk." He started off. This can not be good. Nothing that starts off like that ever turns out to be good.

"What?" I barked out. I normally acted like I always did around Quince, but if he's gonna come in here to start shit why should I?

"It's Angel," he sighed.

Oh God. This can't be good. All my hard work is going to go down the tubes, I just know it. Dammit! I pushed the worlds most perfect human being away for nothing! "What about Angel?" I asked, straining to sound calm instead of letting him know about my inner turmoil.

"What the fuck is up with you two lately?" He asked, aggravation heavy in his tone. "You're doing everything in your power to avoid him and it's making him sort of depressed and angry. I don't like watching my little brother like that, Dom."

Shit! I was making Angel depressed and angry. I thought that ignoring him would be good. He'd forget about me and everything would be fine. Only now do I see how my plan was inevitably going to fail. I hate spur of the moment decisions. "I'm not trying to avoid him," I lied through my teeth, hoping he didn't catch it.

He rolled his eyes as he stood up again, walking to my bedroom door and opening it. "Yeah you are," he corrected me, catching my lie. "You two need to talk and work things out because I can't deal with my little brother and best friend acting like this. You're both important to me."

He opened my bedroom door and there stood Angel in all his perfection. He walked past Quince as Quince walked out, closing the door. We soon heard the front door close too. He was giving us privacy.

I sat up on my bed, staring at him. He just stood still in the middle of my room, staring at me like him. We were staring each other down for what felt like an eternity, silently daring the other to look away first. I don't care how childish that sounds because it's true.

"You're a bastard," he spoke out of nowhere.

I blinked, surprised. I was not expecting that. Angel was such a sweet person. Did I really do this to him unintentionally? "What the fuck?" I half screamed.

"You heard me," he said dead-pan, still staring me down. "You. Are. A. Bastard. I do so much work for you and my brother because I care about you guys and you treat me like I'm a piece of shit, the lowest of the low when really you're the lowest of the low. You're a fucking alcoholic that is going to die by the time he's forty if you keep this up." He stepped towards me, towering over me. "No one is going to miss you. You mean nothing to no one because you're nothing but a piece of shit. You are a worthless, bastard."

I can not believe he just said that! I fucking hurt him really badly, but he has no right to fucking say shit like that to me. He was making me pay for the bullshit lies I have been throwing at him left and right. I looked at him and pushed him away, trying to stand up. Anger filled his eyes as I pushed him, causing him to push me right back. "Don't touch me!" He seethed.

"I can do whatever the fuck I want." I fought back.

"No, Dom, you really can't. You're too fucking clueless to notice anything around you unless it will somehow benefit you!" I winced. That hurt. I knew he was slightly right, but it still hurt. I rather be completely oblivious to what people say about me behind my back then have someone tell me their hurtful thoughts, especially if those hurtful thoughts are passing Angel's lips.

"You think you know everything because you watch after your brother and I when you really know nothing!" I shot back. "You're a fucking naive idiot whose going to get nowhere in life because you let everyone walk all over you! Everyone in your life fucking uses you!" As I said them I realized how much they rang true. Even Quince and I just kept him around to clean and because he was entertaining and nice. He always found ways to brighten our days. An added bonus was that I enjoyed looking at him, too.

"You're the one going no where!" He screamed as he pushed me down onto my bed again. "You let alcohol run your life and it's ruining you!" Typical Angel. Even when we are fighting he still tries to get some sense of logic into the conversation, trying to get me to give up drinking.

"It's not ruining me," I said around a dry laugh. "It's helping me. It takes away all my worries." I stated matter-of-factly.

"That's only something a fucking alcoholic would say!" He shouted. "It only works temporarily then makes you feel like shit the next morning making you go crawling back for more because you want to feel like you're on top of the world. It's going to kill you!" He kept trying to talk sense into me.

"I don't fucking care!" I spat. "I love it, so stop trying to convince me otherwise!"

"It's gonna fucking ruin you!"

"I don't fucking care!" I repeated.

"Do you remember the last time I had alcohol and got drunk?!" He screamed. I froze right there. I remembered that night more then anything. I'm torn between wishing I could talk it back or not even having the fortune to remember that night of all nights. "I fucking had a one night stand! I've never had a one night stand!"

"One night stands are normal," I said, recalling what Quince had told him when he started freaking out.

"They are not okay with me! Sex is something only two lovers should have the fortune to share, not two horny bastards. I regret it completely."

That last sentence pulled at my heartstrings. He regrets it. Something that meant so much to me meant so little to him. He thinks I'm the one with no feelings? I stood up, mad.

I was mad at myself for convincing myself that we had a chance.

I was mad that I didn't even have the balls to tell Angel what happened in the beginning.

I was mad that I so easily let temptation take me over.

I was mad at Angel in generally.

I was fucking mad.

"Stop playing the fucking sympathy card. You had a one night stand. Get over it!"

"It's not something you can just get over for someone like me! I don't even remember who it was with!"

We stood there, fuming. Both of us were standing up straight, chests puffed out, hands clenched into tight fists at our sides. "I'm not like you." He spat after a while of silence. "I don't like to fucking throw my life away!"

I know I deserved everything he's throwing at me because I threw so much more at him, but I fucking hate getting lectured. If I wanted to get lectured I would be in college or living at home with my parents. "Wow, you're a fucking pussy. You're nothing but a stuck up prick."

His face turned red. "How can you fucking be okay with doing all of this?!" He screamed. "It's not okay. Sex is supposed to be something that means so much to me. How can I expect a one night stand to mean something to me?!" He yelled, desperately.

"Because I was the one who had sex with you!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, revealing the secret that I tried so desperately to conceal.

As soon as I realized what I admitted I clenched my eyes shut, scolding myself. He's right. I am a fucking idiot. I can't believe I just let that happen.

Holy fucking shit. This is not going to be good.