You're Flying

My body curls in on itself and I fall to the ground, my entire being wracking with shivers. I whimper and allow the tears to fall down my cheeks. My nose feels heavy and eyes sore. I whimper, cry, shake, and groan. My hair, I tug on it until my head is throbbing. I pull my knees into my chest and wrap my arms around them and bury my face in my legs. I can’t…I can’t believe him. I can’t believe this.

What can I do? What should I do? Forgive him, again?

Not long after Dom disappeared, Quince appeared. I can hear him walking towards me, but I don’t want to look at him. I don’t want to see the look on his face. I know that he knows what happened, it’s obvious, but I want to play ignorant.

He sits beside me and pulls me into his lap. I throw my arms around him and cry on his chest, because right now comfort is what I need and want. I just can’t believe this. What’s happening? To Dom? To us? Is this relationship really…done for? Can we keep going? I don’t know…I don’t know.

He almost hit me. What if…what if next time he does? What if he hurts me? Would he do that? No…it’s Dom. But the drunk Dom…he isn’t himself when he’s drunk. I won’t get in an abusive relationship. I refuse. I’m not that stupid, but…I want Dom. I want my Dom back. I don’t want this. I don’t want any of this! I just want…Dom…that’s all I ever wanted. Is that too much to ask for?

“Shh, it’s ok Angel,” Quince hushes me. “Everything will be ok.”

“No it won’t!” I holler. “It won’t! Dom and I…we’re really…done for, aren’t we?”

His silence is my answer and it only makes me cry harder, because I know I can’t let this go on. I can’t stay here when Dom is getting drunk, even if it’s once a week. He scares me…I don’t want to be scared. I don’t want to fear the one Ilove care for.

I want to hold him. I want to kiss him.I want him to make love to me. I just want him. That’s all I want, but it seems to be that I just can’t get it.

I have to go…I can’t stay here not when I know that Dom could come home drunk again. I can’t stay here when there’s a chance that Dom will hurt me…I can’t stay here anymore.

~

Five days ago was the fight Dom and I had. We haven’t talked about it. I’ve avoided him and Quince has been with us when I couldn’t. Dom tried to talk to me today, but Quince quickly made up an excuse to get him to watch some TV with him.

“Are you packed honey?”

“Yeah, I’ll be up in about an hour,” I reply quietly so the boys in the living room won‘t hear me. I throw a few last things into my suitcase. I double check to make sure I have all my things, my clothes, every little thing. It seems I have it all…

“All right, I’ve got a few ads here so when you get back you can look at them because I’m sure you don’t want to live with your aunt forever!” Aunt Jolene giggles from the other line.

I chuckle. “Yeah, I’ll talk to you later. Bye auntie.”

“See you soon.”

I hang up the phone and throw it back into place. Sighing, I take one last look at this room where bad and good things happened, where arguments happened, sex happened, cuddling happened, laughter and smiles, but…the bad seemed to weigh out the good. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be the other way around.

I grab my suitcases and take them to the door. It didn’t surprise me that Dom noticed. I wanted it that way, so I wouldn’t have to say too many cruel things that will rip both our hearts out.

“Angel…what are you doing?” Dom nearly whimpers, but I don’t blame him. I know what this looks like and it is exactly what it looks like.

“I’m going to take these to your car,” Quince mumbles and grabs my things. He exit’s the apartment quickly, probably to get out of this extremely awkward atmosphere.

I sigh and look over at Dom to see him standing now. His eyes are on my last suitcase that Quince couldn‘t take. He looks confused, hurt, angry, and sad. I don’t really know what to say to make this better. There really is nothing to say, but I have to at least explain to him.

“I can’t…do this, Dom. This relationship is…surviving off make up sex. That’s all we ever do anymore! Fight, make up sex, fight, make up sex, and after…after last night, I don‘t want to be scared of you!” I shout, throwing my arms up as if that’s supposed to emphasize the point and make him understand. “We fight all the time, even when you aren’t drunk we’re fighting about something then we just fuck and that’s it. I don’t want a relationship like that.”

“Neither do I!” Dom cries and runs to stand in front of me. He throws an arm around my waist, but I throw it off, not to be mean, but I know if he does this I’ll stay with him because I really don’t want to leave.

“I’m sorry Dom, but I can’t do this. We’re over. I can‘t come here scared that you might be drunk. I can‘t be scared that next time…you might hit me.”

I feel the tears in my eyes. I feel the tugging in my chest and the immense pain in my gut, but I have to do this. I can’t stay here with him. He isn’t himself when he’s drunk. He isn’t himself with alcohol in his life.

“Angel…I‘m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.“ I grab my luggage last suit case. I turn to follow the route Quince took moments before, but decide to leave with one last thing.

I want Dom to know something important. I want to give him a choice, another chance you could say, so I spin around to face him. I’m surprised to see a tear rolling down his cheek, but it kind of makes me happy to know that he’ll miss me, but I feel bad at the same time.

I didn’t want to hurt him, but I did. He hurt me though, so I guess it’s just coming to bite him in the ass. Frowning, I walk over to him and lean up to peck a chaste kiss on his lips. The look on his face is heart breaking, but I’m sure mine is too…

“When you find out what’s more important to you Dom come find me…until then…” I shrug and give him one last smile before exiting the apartment, praying for something good to happen. But haven’t I been doing that for a while? What makes me think someone will answer them?