You're Flying

I'd be lying if I said that what we did last night wasn't pure bliss, but what happened afterwards definitely wasn't.

Angel got to get some sleep, curling his body into mine. I've yet to sleep a wink tonight. It's five in the morning and I haven't even closed my eyes. Angel's waking up in an hour to get ready for school, a place where he is. I don't even want to say his name. It disgusts me. Who names their kid Donnie?

Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. Ever since his little visit, he's all I've been able to think about, and not in a good way. Why does he have to suddenly come barging back into our lives? I mean, I was in a fucking rehabilitation center for months on end, but he chose to show up right after I got out? It's like he's secretly plotting to ruin our lives. If I had to somehow lose Angel to Donnie, I would rather it be while I was in rehab when there still was a chance of me not getting Angel back, then when I did get him back. Either way I'd be heartbroken, but it's easier to get over option one than it is option two.

I feel like I'm repeatedly getting punished for the wrongs that I have committed in my past. All of those one night stands, reckless drinking habits, drunk driving incidents, and law breaking moments are coming back to bite me in the ass, hard. Have I not been through enough to repay my emotional debts? Is karma really this much of a bitch? I would think that almost loving the love of my life is enough. I know that a lot of people may disagree, but you don't know what it feels like to lose the live of your life until it actually happens, and if I were you, I definitely would not want that to ever happen.

I'm still in complete and utter shock that Angel keeps coming back to me. I may hate Donnie, but he really is amazingly gorgeous, and I'm just... not. I have no job, I haven't graduated college, and I'm a fucking recovering alcoholic. And Angel has this perfect boy that so obviously wants him. I mean Donnie's got a job, he's got money, he's going to school. He's got more of a chance of being successful in life than I've ever had and, most important, he's not a major fuck up like I am. He's so much better for Angel, but Angel keeps coming back to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love Angel, but it just makes no sense to me. What if he goes to school with Donnie and doesn't come home one day because he's finally realized that Donnie's better for him? God, I don't even want to think about it.

I just... I fucking hate him! He causes me so much stress and ever since he came to visit us, I feel like he's doing it to me on purpose! It's not enough to get me to go back to alcohol to take away the pain, but it's pretty fucking close. The fucking douche bag...

I looked down when I felt Angel stirring in my arms. Shit, I was shifting so much because of my anger that I woke him up ten minutes early.

"Hey," he said around a yawn, wiping the bleariness out of his eyes. He wrinkled his nose up cutely when the small ray of sunlight peeking through our drapes made a bee-line for his eyes.

"Morning," I said, kissing his lips softly. "Sorry I woke you up early. I was just thinking."

He looked at the clock. "It's only ten minutes early. What were you thinking about, Dom?" He asked me softly, curling his body closer towards mine.

"Stuff..." I answered evasively. He doesn't need to know how jealous I am of Donnie. He'll scold me for being stupid then launch into a speech about how that would never happen, but the truth is, it really can. It may be my imagination running ahead of me, but it's really possible for Angel to leave me for Donnie. This fucking sucks.

"What kind of stuff?" He pried.

"You know... just stuff," I said. Wow, I'm so fucking horrible at covering up my lies. How much more lame can I get?

"Dom," Angel whispered, caressing my face with his hands and forcing me to look at him. "If you ever need to tell someone anything, you know I'm here for you." He whispered.

"I know you are, Angel," I whispered back, leaning over to press a tiny kiss to his forehead. "This is just one of those things that I have to deal with on my own."

"I understand," he said around a lazy smile.

"Thanks," I murmured, tracing my fingers up and down his spine.

We lay there for a few minutes, pressed up against each other, enjoying the other's warmth and company. "I hate to break up this moment," Angel whispered. "But I really need to shower and get ready for school."

I leaned back and did my best to smile, hoping it wasn't a grimace. "I'll make you breakfast," I muttered as I got out of bed, not looking back at him.

This boy has no idea what he does to me. He really, truly doesn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I laughed as Angel quickly shoveled down the rest of the eggs. He was just as surprised as I was that they tasted good, but he tried to be nice about it, although he pretty much failed. "Those were way better then I thought they'd be," he commented.

"I agree," I told him, smiling as I finished washing the dishes. I peeked at the clock. "You should get going if you don't want to be late for school."

I felt his arms wrap around my waist. "Tell me what's wrong, Dom," he whispered into my back, kissing my skin softly. I shivered when I felt his plush lips against my bare skin. "I'll leave once you tell me," he murmured, soothing me by rubbing his hands over my sides.

"It's just Donnie," I muttered angrily, adding extra bite to that horrid name.

"Don't worry about him," he murmured, continuing to run his hands up and down my sides. "I love you and only you." I was right! He was going to say that!

"Whatever," I muttered angrily. I'm not going to drop this.

"Dom, if it means that much to you, I'll talk to him during class. Tell him to get off of our backs and leave us alone."

I loved that he'd be willing to do that for me, but Donnie is his friend and I don't want him to drop his friends just because I don't like them. "You don't have to," I muttered darkly, scrubbing the dish in my hand extra hard. "He's your friend."

"Yeah, but you're more important at the moment. And I don't mind losing him. Our friendship's been really weird and awkward lately. If you made me get rid of someone, like, Tina, then I'd be beyond mad!" He said, burying his face into my back, securing his arms around my waist.

"I like Tina," I said off-handedly.

"I know," he muttered.

He turned me around, placing a tiny kiss on my lips. "Look, Dom, I really need to go, but if you ever are worried about anything, please talk to me." He begged.

I rolled my eyes, knowing I couldn't deny him anything. "Fine," I grated out through gritted teeth.

He smiled and kissed me again. "By the way, I love it when you're jealous!" He screamed over his shoulder as the front door closed behind him. Fuck him.

I know that he's going to try to fix all of this, but my doubt is still lingering. Is that a bad thing?