Ready For Your Love

The black haired man with eyes to drown in approaches slowly but self-confident. I stand there paralysed, staring at the long lost devil in angel’s disguise. It feels like he isn’t really there, he looks like something unnatural. My heart thumbs with mixed feelings. Our surroundings have frozen and silenced. This is a world of only him, and me. His eyes speak, obvious but hidden at the same time. I once could read them easily, now they’re a puddle of mud, blurred.

He has reached me now, and his eyes move from mine to my arm. I remember my daughter now. She invades the world created by the moment of hatred, love, fear, safety, revenge, forget.

As he smiles at her, she looks at me anxiously. She doesn’t know this man who’s being kind to her. She can feel that this man is upsetting her mother very much, confusing her. Knowing that her mommy isn’t happy right now, makes her sad and tears well up in her huge eyes.

I am too paralysed to soothe her. I just stare at the man trying to make my daughter laugh. It upsets her only more that her mommy doesn’t react and that the strange man is acting scary and the little angel bursts out in a waterfall of tears. The man reacts shocked and takes a surprised step backwards.

As he backs away, I can slightly breath again. I lift my baby a little higher with both my arms, lay one of them on her back and hug her tightly.
“Hush little baby, don’t you cry,” I start singing softly, barely audible. As she hears the song she loves so much, she manages to calm down a bit. I dry her tears and look up to the man who had approached a bit again.

“G-Go away,” I mumble. He only comes closer and I repeat “I-I said go a-away.”
He kneels down and picks something up.

“You dropped this,” He says. I snatch my sidekick out of his hand and turn around to walk away.
He grabs my arm and halts me.

Turning around, I raise my voice, “I said go the fuck away, ass.” He’s somewhat startled by the sudden louder outburst and his first reaction is to let go of my arm. I glare at him and continue walking away.

Halfway, I remember something and stop. Turning around, I see him still looking at me.
“You still owe me a whole lot of money. You better make sure I get that sum soon, whether your hoe used my money or not. If I don’t have it within a week, I’ll see you in court,” I snarl. He blinks once and I walk away for the third time.

My phone starts ringing and I look at the caller ID. Frank.
“Hey, where are you? I couldn’t keep up with you,” I said as I picked up. I hear a sigh from the other side of the phone.

“Lynn, what happened?” He asks. I guess I couldn’t make my voice sound normal. He knows me too well. I sigh, too, and swallow.

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“Ger-“ I started, and I can hear Frank cursing.

“You still somewhere on the way we took?” He asks quickly, and I can hear him rushing down the road again.

“No, I had to get away from there, I’m on Fifth Street, somewhere in the middle of it,” I reply.

“Be there in a couple of minutes,” He puffs and hangs up.
I sigh, and sink down on the pavement. Kayla is looking at me wide-eyed, not sure how to feel. I smile at her and her eyes light up, making my smile grow. I tickle her tummy with a finger, and she starts giggling and grabs my finger to start sucking on it. I smile at her lovingly.

“She grew a lot,” I hear a voice say from above me, startling me. I tense up, don’t move at all. Kayla notices me upset again, and stops sucking. She looks at me with my finger still in her now opened mouth. Everything freezes for a second.

He sits down next to me. I look away more obviously. “Can I hold her for a moment?” He asks. I lift Kayla from my legs and hold her close to my chest, my arms protectively around her.

“You upset her,” I say coldly, still looking the other way. I can hear him sigh, and it angers me.
Who does he think he is? “Frank is coming, you know.”

“I’m not scared of Frank,” He replies.

“You should be right now.”

“Why? He’s my best friend.”

“He chooses me over you. He hates you for what you did to me, so if I were you – which I thank god am not – I’d get the fuck out of here,” I retort.

I want him to leave right now.

“I have my right. I can see my daughter once in a while,” He persists.

“Don’t call her your daughter,” I hiss. “You don’t know shit about her.”

“Yeah, that ain’t my fault. I tried contacting you,” He says, staying calm. I could beat the shit out of this jerk, if it wasn’t for my daughter in my arms.

“It’s all on you, Gerard. It really is. It’s not my fault you betrayed me in every way possible,” I try keeping my voice steady. He sighs.
“I wouldn’t want my daughter to grow up with a dick like you as her father.”

I get up, and start walking down Fifth Street, towards the corner Frank will pass. “Wait!” He yells, and for once I listen. I stop and turn around.

“Any famous last words, Mr. Way?” I ask.

“Haha, very funny. I- I just wanted to say… I’m sorry,” He mumbles. “I never m-meant to hurt you, and all I did was break you, I know that. A-and… I-I apologize. I just wish you’d even try to let me back in your life…”

“It’s too late for that.”

“I’m sorry. Please know that.”

“Goodbye,” I say and turn around to face a very out of breath Frank.

“He hurt you?” He asks, venom dripping of his voice as he glares at Gerard over my shoulder. I throw one last glance at him. He’d sunk down on the pavement and is sitting there with his head in his hands, thinking. I shake my head.

“I just finished the chapter of mourning for losing him, that’s all.”

Tears glistening in my eyes, as I walk away from both men, loves of my life.