Ready For Your Love

“I could spend hours like that. Laying there with him, resting my head on his arm and chest. I felt him looking at me, but I didn’t look up, I was too comfortable. After a while I could still feel his eyes burning on my head. I couldn’t resist anymore, so I made our gazes meet.

And… God, there you had it. His eyes. His gorgeous eyes. I got hypnotized and drowned in these orbs of beautiful.

On the other side of the door, in the front lounge, they were talking, almost shouting, but we didn’t hear it. It was just the two of us, lying in a too small bunk, enjoying each other. That was the world.
That was out little world. No one else belonged here. No one but us.

Suddenly the door opened. Our world shattered like glass thrown onto the earth.
“Ehm, Gerard?” Mikey whispered, unsure whether we were asleep or not. Gerard grunted disturbed.
“Sorry if I woke you… but can I talk to you for a sec?” Mikey’s voice told us something was up. Gerard grunted again and moved a little.

“I’ll be there in a sec,” he said. Mikey walked into the back lounge, to talk to Gerard in private, closing the door behind his back.

I rolled off Gerard, making him sigh at the loss of warmth. I kissed him softly and said “Go to your brother, he needs you right now. Probably some troubles with his girlfriend.” After a while, he nodded, kissed me again and went to see Mikey.
I turned around, and pulled the covers over my body, waiting for Gerard to come back.

Loneliness, mixed with anguish washed over me. Suddenly, I realized something.

What would I do, if, one day, he’d leave and never come back?

A shiver ran down my back.
I pulled the covers over my head, trying to push the thought away.
‘He loves me. He loves me. He won’t ever leave me. Because he loves me.

Gerard can’t ever leave me. He won’t ever leave me.’”

I sigh, petting Cato’s nose. Horses, or any other animal for that matter, are the best company ever. You can tell them anything, and they’ll listen.

Unconditional love.

I wish the human kind was gifted with it as well.

I wipe another tear from my eye, and Cato presses his nose into my face. That way he lets me know he loves me and that he doesn’t want me to cry.

“I just wish people were less… civilized, you know?” I sigh again. “At least I still have my dearest pets.” I say hugging his huge head.

Peter walks onto the field, I smile at him. “I have to go to some appointment. You have your key to the stable and such, right? I bought some more food for them yesterday, and put it on the regular place.” I nod.

“Thank you so much for keeping them all here, you have no idea how much it means to me. I would have had to sell them if it wasn’t for you. Thank you so much, really,” I say, giving Peter a tight hug.

“You’re welcome, buttercup,” He smiles and I giggle. He’s been using that nickname ever since I came to his house one night, covered in buttercups. It’d been part of a bet, and I won, but now I’m stuck with the cute nickname. “It’s the least I could do,” he says, then walks away waving at me.

I giggle again, wave back, and jump onto Cato. “C’mon, boy, let’s go for a walk. We could both use it.” He obviously has way too much energy, as he storms off once I finish my sentence. After 10 minutes of letting him run around, I finally feel free again.

Locked up in my body, I haven’t been happy lately.
Every time I looked into a mirror, I saw skin he’d once caressed. Every time I was having fun, I remembered the better times I had with him. Every time my heartbeat got louder, faster because of something, I remembered the way it used to beat for him.
Every square inch of my body has a history with him. No matter how hard I rinse the skin with soap, no matter how hard I claw at it, how hard I damage it, the history won’t leave. But I want it to, so badly. I wish it was shallow dirt, but it’s like a tattoo that’s you can’t ever get removed.

Cato slows down, and I get pulled back into reality, to check why he stops.
“Woops, sorry boy,” I say, as I realize that I must have been thinking longer than I’d expected. I get off him, and open the field again for him to walk into it. As soon as it’s open, Oedipus, Prometheus and Mythos run out of it to tackle me.
I hit the ground hard and the three dogs start licking me all over my face.

“Cato, go inside,” I laugh, as I push the heavy Prometheus off me. Yes, I do have three dogs, all named after mythology and their figures. And I do know that it’s kind of weird that they live on a field, but the owner of my apartment is the biggest dickhead ever, and I can’t have a single pet in my two rooms called ‘home’.
Luckily, I have Peter, who’s a doll, he let me use one of his fields for my animals, for free.

“Y’all hungry?” I ask, still with the same huge grin plastered over my face. They all start barking, and Mythos pushed me towards the stable with his head and body, tickling me with his nose.
“Alright, alright, chill,” I exclaim, trying to keep my balance. I sure have strong dogs.

As I walk into the stable, my heart drops once again. Once again, this man can’t leave me alone. Once again, he steals the smile off my face.
Why can’t he just leave me alone, give me time and space?

“You’re such a pretty Princess,” He says to the kitten in his arms, tickling it. My kitten, my Princess.