She's Hard to Hold

It had been a hectic twelve hours. But they made it with hours to spare. I was on the verge of losing it again. What we were talking about, I had no idea. Something about giving some girl a professional job. Whatever it was, I was completely out of it. I lost sleep what with Alex driving me insane with his worried questions and concerned comments and Victoria asking me if I was done being a shrink’s patient and of course trying to get everyone get together.

“Nora? You still with us?” Pete snapped his fingers in front of me.

“Mhmm,” I muttered. The two guys across from me glanced at each other in a who’s-the-druggie? sort of way. With my blond hair a mess, my blouse incorrectly buttoned, and on top of that, no make-up and dark circles under my eyes, I looked like I snorted something before boarding the plane and was still experiencing the high. I was tempted to wear my reading glasses to look somewhat professional but in a state of hurry, I left them at home.

“She wasn’t listening,” mumbled one of the other guys at the FBR meeting. He looked less professional yet more cleaned up than me and pissed at my absent interest. Well sue me for babysitting a band that didn’t bother telling me about Pete’s call. Victoria and Gabe both had keys. They could simply open the door, drag my ass out of bed, and douse me with cold water, then I could focus. But no. They REFUSE TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT THEIR BELOVED PUBLICIST. I could just feel the love.

“Okay, we’re going to say this again, Nora,” Pete sighed. “Can you please listen this time?”

“No problem,” I said, stifling a yawn and trying to appear interested.

“The label thought you were doing a great job as Cobra’s publicist. You’ve booked really popular shows and signed them on to events that took their popularity to a new high. And the new album is great. They told me you helped them a bit with everything. Is that true?”

“Yeah, a little. I mean, lyrics and stuff, here and there. You know, writing was my major, I had to step in a little…mehanalldatjazz,” I rambled, widening my eyes to stay awake. I love getting praise especially for things I’m passionate about. And yes, I was a little behind the pen during the writing process of the album. What can I say? Those journalism courses at NYU paid off!

“FBR was impressed.” Pete looked at the guy who commented and some other guys. The commenter (Tom? Daniel? Matt?) smiled at me. “We were thinking, maybe you could do that for other bands. Be an official part of Fueled by Ramen. Sign bands, help with lyrics, manage tours, things of that nature. You pushed Cobra Starship up extremely. We want you to do that with other bands.”

Am I hearing this correctly? “Wha- really?”

Tom/Daniel/Matt nodded. “Of course, we’re going to have to avoid being MIA for a whole week and having to pull it together last minute…”

“No way! I promise, no more of that!” I shook my head. “I’ll take- I mean I’ll- I’ll DO IT. I’ll take the job!”

Everyone else laughed at my sudden reaction. Tom (I decided on Tom) looked pleased. “Good, good. But you know what this means right?”

I felt a little uneasy. I felt it in my stomach and I placed my hands on it.

“It means, you can’t be distracted. Nothing should tie you down. You have to be able to separate your personal life from business. I’m 100% serious. I don’t want another one like our old publicist, Nat.”

“And speaking of Nat,” piped up the younger looking dude next to Tom. I decided he would Daniel. “No relationships with band members. ANY band members.”

My heart sank lower and lower. “But, who’s going to be Cobra’s publicist? Don’t all bands have one?”

Pete looked at Tom, Daniel, and Matt (possibly). “We’re not sure yet. We’re thinking of bringing back their old publicist after she deals with her baby and everything. That’s kind of why we don’t want you to have a relationship with any member from any band.”

“But, you guys don’t think that…you know, her relationship meant anything right? I mean, it was with-“ I tried to change their minds around. The thing is, I knew Alex would be somewhat understanding about us having to break-up but Gabe wouldn’t. He’d find a way around things, like he always does. I didn’t want to break it off with Alex then start something with Gabe. It wasn’t fair, neither was it playing by the job’s rules.

Everyone shifted in their seat like they had an itch they couldn’t control. I stared at everyone. If I remembered correctly, Gabe had a relationship with their old publicist Nat who recently quit without reason. And if their relationship was like the one we had now…

“Is that a problem? Your face is turning green,” Tom asked.

“Please excuse me,” I said, pushing back from my chair and running to the bathroom. I raced into the nearest stall and vomited for what was the hundredth time this week. There was nothing in my stomach anyway, but who needs that when you already have an excuse?
I felt something in my pants vibrate. I pulled out my phone. Pete had texted me, asking me if I was okay. I quickly replied, telling him I was fine, that I’ll take the job, just that I really wasn’t feeling well. Pete answered with an “okay” and “see you later” With that, I left the building and took a cab back to the hotel. I was going to break some hearts, and I needed to prepare for it.

[Gabe’s POV]

After a crazy twelve hours, Cobra finally made it to California and we were now singing in
front of a screaming crowd for MTV Spring Break, an event we would have missed if Nora hadn’t answered Pete’s last call. Somehow, she had managed to send off texts to get ready, booked tickets, packed her stuff, and catch us a cab to the airport in less than two hours. All without taking her time to get ready and shower. And since we arrived late, she survived without sleep or even coffee to look decent for her meeting. Never mind the band, we always look good. But damn, that girl was a mess.

I managed to block out these troubled thoughts while performing with the band in front of the audience. We played one song, our hit “Good Girls Go Bad” but it was enough to get the crowd going. I was a little distracted though, thank God for fans who knew the lyrics by heart! I scanned the crowd, hoping to spot Nora, but all I saw were people clad in bathing suits and wearing sunglasses, singing along.

Once the song finished and we said goodbye and left the stage, Alex went to check his phone.

“Where is she? She said she’d come after her meeting, it would have been over a long time ago,” Alex said to Victoria. He was right. We played at around one in the afternoon. We hadn’t seen Nora since eight this morning when she left and we had to leave for a pre-show interview with the freaky-looking dude from MTV. Needless to say, I was a little worried.

“Relax,” Victoria replied, rolling her eyes. She always seemed so cool with Nora nowadays. It must have been the fact that Nora had been acting like a walking brain tumor before she had the abortion. “She’s probably back at the hotel. Pete must have given her a whipping, he was really pissed at her.”

“Poor Nora,” Ryland said, shaking his head, “She’s so stressed out.”

You have no idea. I held back the comment I made in my head. I knew Nora was just feeling down for getting rid of the baby. I was feeling down myself. All I could do was pray that we’d both get over this soon. I looked around. “Where’s Nate?”

“Most likely doing another interview. You know that kid, always up for a chat,” Victoria chuckled. Sure enough, Nate was talking to the dude from MTV, all enthusiastic about how it was great to come back out for tour. How funny, usually I’m the one who doesn’t pass up a chance to speak. Even I know I’m a bit narcissistic.

Cobra didn’t want to go back to the hotel, they wanted to stay and party with everyone else, except for Alex who still needed an explanation for Nora’s MIA status for the past week. He decided to go back to the hotel to see her. I thought it was best I should stay behind but then I checked my phone and saw that I had received a text from Nora: “we need to talk. Come by later.”

“Hey listen,” I said to Victoria who was already holding a drink in her hand, “I’m going back to the hotel. I don’t feel well.”

“Yeah, yeah sure,” she giggled, distracted by a bunch of cross-dressing fans entertaining her. I shrugged and left, hoping Alex wouldn’t notice I had tagged along.

[Nora’s POV]

I had originally planned to go to Cobra’s show but I stayed behind, trying to plan out what I was going to tell Alex and Gabe. I had spent hours, used up sheets of paper, wrote drafts in my phone, recited speeches to myself and tried to picture their reactions. In the end, I had nothing. I had to suck it up and go with what I said.

I walked back and forth in the hotel room. Once I had gotten back from the meeting, I took a bath and changed yet the hot water nor the clean clothes could calm my nerves. Not even Victoria’s Chocolate Silk bath bubbles that I had stolen from her suitcase. I made myself tea, I still felt jittery. I watched Law and Order, it only made me more anxious. I even tried yoga walking over to me and giving me a kiss. “and ended up getting a cramp.

I heard the door and my heart started pounding. In walked Alex, looking relieved to see me functioning properly.

“Nora,” he sighed, running over to me and hugging me tightly. “I got your text. We needed to talk?”

“Yeah,” I sighed, mustering up a smile. “Alex, sit down.”

“Okay.” We both sat down on the couch and I sighed. “So, I have some good news from today’s meeting.”

“What is it?” Alex asked, looking curious. I was surprised he hadn’t brought up the last week right now. I continued. “The label offered me a new job. I’m officially part of the label now.”

“Wait, what does that mean?”

“It means I get to do all the professional stuff, like sign bands and organize tours and write lyrics for other bands, things of that nature,” I explained. “You know, like Pete.”

“Really? That’s great!” Alex smiled, “Wow, I’m so proud of you Nora. See, told you things would work out. Thanks to working for us, you bumped up!”

“I know!” I laughed, then turned serious. He did as well. “So I guess that means you won’t be touring with us then?” he mumbled, sounding upset.

“Yeah,” I muttered, “It’s okay though, right? You can survive a couple months without me.”

“I guess.” Alex looked away. It killed me to see him like this and what I was about to say next would only upset him more.

“But now, I have bad news. The guys told me that I’m not allowed to have relationships with band m-“

Before I could finish my sentence, the door opened once more and Gabe walked in. Oh God, no, no, no! He was supposed to come by later, not NOW!

The minute he saw us together, he stopped. Alex frowned. “Gabe, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the party?”

“I, uh, left my, um, thing in the bathroom. I’ll go get it,” Gabe stuttered, giving me a confused look. My eyes practically screamed for him to leave. He turned and walked to the bathroom on the other side of the hotel room. I sighed and faced Alex again.

“What were you saying?” Alex repeated.

I took a breath. “Alex, we have to break up.”

I watched as his eyes widened. “What? Why?” he stammered. I felt the tears coming but I blinked them away. “Because the label- I can’t- have relationships with any band members.”

“But that’s- that’s not fair! They can’t just tell you who to date!” Alex exclaimed, sounding angry.

I tried to calm him. “I’m sorry, I can’t do anything about it.”

“No, it’s not your fault. You know whose fault it is?” Alex fumed, standing up. “It’s his.” He pointed at the bathroom door. “If he had kept his hands off of Nat and hadn’t run her off, we wouldn’t be in this situation. They wouldn’t tell you who you could date. And I can’t believe you would break up with me over this job! What, we were that horrible to you that you wouldn’t want to be our publicist anymore?”

Of all people, Alex should have been understanding! I was shocked. “You know that’s not true! I thought you’d-“

“How would I be okay with this?! You just broke up with me!” Alex yelled. “Is something wrong with me? There obviously is, considering you’ve blown me off this whole week. Tell me the truth, Nora. Why are we breaking up?”

“It- it’s not-“ I struggled to answer. “Alex, that-“

“Tell him the truth.” I froze. Slowly, I turned around and saw Gabe standing there.

“Stay out of this Gabe,” Alex snapped, crossing his arms. “Unless, you slept with her first."

“Tell him, Nora. Go on, tell him.” Gabe looked serious. The tears I had blinked away came back and were already sliding down my cheeks. I had no choice. I looked at Alex, who was glaring at Gabe.

“Alex, I’m pregnant.”