Forever They Will Be Secrets To Me

I hate myself. Why do I constantly push people away when all I want is for them to be near me?! I've made them cry. I've called them names. I've yelled at them. I've hurt them. I've murdered them. All I want to do is help them, but I only seem to make things worse... Why can't I just give up on myself and sleep forever? Why can't they give up on me?! They keep trying and trying but it never helps! It never works! I can't do anything but hurt other people! So why do I keep trying?!

This in itself is going to hurt a few people. Why can't I hurt myself for a change?