Dreaming Of Heaven.

I was born on September twelfth nineteen ninety-one. On February sixth nineteen ninety-three, I was diagnosed with bone cancer. Two years following, October first nineteen ninety-five, I was suppose to die within month. I was a miracle child, I met death and lived to tell the tale. My parents coddled me, they protected me from the terrible outside world that was supposedly out to get me. They took me to church every Sunday. I was a child of God, and thought if he loved me enough I would die as a happy old woman in my sleep next to my husband. Five years later, my cancer was back and so was my therapy.

On December eighteenth two thousand and four, I met Cal Manson. Cal Manson was two years older than me, and had just moved in next door. The date was May Second Two Thousand and Six at three p.m. , I started dating Cal. He was all I had ever wanted, and he broke my heart. He cheated on me with Madison Stone, it started a month after we started dating. I found out a year later when I had finally made love to him. He broke me in a way I thought no one would ever be able to fix me. I no longer dated, I could barely speak to a boy.

I began going to church more often, praying to God to fix me. In my sleep, I could only dream of heaven, and what it would be like. I no longer cared to live, I used my fixation on heaven as my excuse for wishing to commit suicide. I couldn’t commit suicide though, it was sin in Gods eyes. A cowards way out. On June seventh two thousand and nine, I decided I would not be a coward. I would live because my life was in Gods hands, and I would not be tempted.

June tenth was when I learned my Chemotherapy quit working. June seventeenth, I was admitted into the hospital. July forth, I met Elijah Sullivan. He was nineteen years old, and often did volunteer work at the cancer ward. He told me stories of the places he traveled, and the people he met. We had code names for each other, Mine was Nicolette, and his was Blaine. July twentieth, Elijah had stopped visiting me. My parents and priest were the only people to come visit me, and they never told me stories, they told me lies about how everything is going to be fine.

August first, I turned bitter. I no longer let people visit me, I was dieing and there was nothing anyone could do about it. My belief in God was shattered. I could not believe that God loved me when he sentenced me to death at such a young age. Obviously he didn’t love me that much, or he would not forsaken me.

August fourth, I received a letter from Elijah. It took me two weeks to actually open it. Another week to read it. He apologized many times, and told me he was in Greece, also that he would be back before I knew it. I ripped his letter and burned it, receiving a two hour long lecture from the staff.

Today is September eighth, and Elijah had just arrived back from his trip. He was making his rounds at the ward, telling all of his adventure in Greece. All expect for me, I isolated myself in my room, shutting the door so that I need not hear his hypnotizing voice.

A knock came at my door, ignoring the sound, I turned on my side, my back to the door. I could hear the door open, it had that annoying squeak that could be heard in horror movies. I pretended to be asleep, hoping that whoever came into my room would just turn back and leave.

“Nicolette, I know your awake.” The person who had entered my room was clearly Elijah. Pressure was added to my bed, and I could hear him sighing on the other side of me.

“Don’t you think this is a bit childish?” I didn’t respond, I continued to pretend to be asleep. “I sent you a letter…How many times must I say I’m sorry?” Again, I refused to respond. He sighed again, then pressure was lifted off the bed, and the door opened and closed. I took that as a sign that he had left. I was wrong. When I turned on my back, Elijah was leaning against the door with a smirk planted on his face.

“Gotcha,” He laughed and took a seat on my bed once again. I glared and gave him my back again. “Nicolette I can see your purple panties, cute.”

Throwing the covers over my head, and rest of my body for that matter, “Just go away, Elijah.”

“I really am sorry, Crystal. I didn’t think you needed me this much,” Elijah said softly.

“I don’t need you at all,” I replied with venom in my voice. Elijah didn’t say anything after that, everything was silent. If it wasn’t for the pressure on the bed I would think I was alone, completely and utterly alone.

“Do you want to know why I came back?” He asked.

“No, I don’t. “ I hated my voice, it gave away all my emotions. It was shaky and nervous. He made me nervous, always. I doubt that will ever change, I wish it would.

“I’m going to tell you anyways,” he replied pulling the covers out of my face. His dark brown eye stared into my blue eyes, “ and you’re going to listen.”

All I could do was nod, and stare. I don’t know what it was about him but to me, everything about him was addicting. His dark brown eyes that had black specks scattered near his iris. That dark brown mass of hair, it might as well have been black. Oh and it always smelled delicious, like coconut or mangos depending on the day. He doesn’t wear cologne, it is one of things that, sadly, love about him. He smells of coconuts, or mangos, and himself, just natural Elijah.

“I came back because of you. I couldn’t help but think about how you’re just sitting here in this,” he whispered this part, “boring old hospital.” His voice went back to normal, “ and I just could not have left you behind. I wrote you a million letters, but I couldn’t send them. They didn’t say what I needed them to say, and they did not nearly express what I was trying to explain to you.”

I could hear my heart speed up, literally. Elijah raised his eyebrow when the heart monitor speed up. I could feel the blood rush to my face, and my palms began to sweat. He let out a quiet chuckle, it made me want to laugh. Thankfully I didn’t. The one thing that was different about Elijah was the way he styled his hair. It was once just a messy blob on his head, now it was gelled. Looking as if he was from the Eighties, or early Nineties.

“ But you sent me a letter, “ I interrupted.

“I was getting to that. So, I sent a letter. Apologizing and saying I would be back soon.” He dropped his head.

“Thirty-four days is not soon, just to let you know. “ I interrupted, again. My arms crossed, and palms still sweaty. “Why don’t you just get to the point?”

He glared at me, it was the first time that he ever glared at me. He let out a sound that seemed like a growl but I’m not quite sure what it was.

He sighed, “The reason I came back was because of you, and my feeling for you.”

“For some reason I don’t believe you. Oh yeah, could it because you left me. You didn’t just leave me here, you took off to Greece!” I shouted.

“Yes, I did leave but I came back! My god, is that the only part you’re hearing? I just tried to tell you I love you, for crying out loud!” He shouted back at me.

“Yeah right, then prove it!” He kissed me. And again, and again. Words could not express for how I felt, all I know is that between that kisses, I replied with I love you.