Sure to Shine

Something terrible had happened. Eric knew that for a fact. He remembered Skylar knocking him out in the park, and then there was blackness.

Now, all of a sudden, he was standing in his school library, with Adam looking at him in horror, and there were people dead.

"What’s happened?" Eric asked again. "Adam, what have I done? Where’s Skylar?"

"Who’s Skylar?" Adam asked, taking a slight step back away from his friend. He was convinced that Eric had finally gone mad. He was certainly acting crazy.

"What the -?" Eric asked. He was terrified, and confused. He didn’t know which emotion he was feeling felt stronger. He looked down at himself. He was in Skylar’s clothes. He was wearing Skylar’s trench coat, he was in Skylar’s shoes and trousers and shirt. Skylar had been dressed like this when he had met him in the park. Eric reached up with his right hand and touched his head. He was wearing Skylar’s hat as well.

"What the fuck is going on?" he croaked. He felt sick. He realised that he was holding the gun in his left hand.

He was right-handed.

Skylar was left-handed.

Eric felt his heart plummet.

"No," he muttered. "No, that’s impossible."

"Eric?" Adam asked nervously. "Eric, what’s going on? Is this a joke?"

"What hand was I firing with?" Eric asked, and his throat suddenly felt like sandpaper.

"Your left hand," Adam replied. "I thought it was weird, but – Eric, what the fuck has happened here?"

"I don’t remember doing this," Eric whispered. "Skylar - Skylar was going to do it. I tried to stop him. Skylar has been planning to shoot the school up for a while."

"Who the fuck is Skylar?" Adam demanded.

Eric searched desperately for an answer.

"The day you said I was acting weird," Eric said. "And I was outside. You asked who I was talking to, I said some jerk. The kid I was talking to was Skylar; he had planted a gun in my bag to scare me."

Eric wondered why Adam’s jaw had dropped and his friend’s eyes were suddenly full of fear.

"Eric," Adam whispered. "I asked you that because you weren’t talking to anybody. You were standing there talking to yourself. I watched you. You were angry, shoving something I couldn’t see. Then suddenly you threw yourself against the tree and held yourself there. I was confused, that’s why I asked –"

Adam broke off suddenly, and Eric wondered if it was the look of total fear and horror on his face that had made his friend stop.

"There was nobody there?" Eric asked softly. "No one at all?"

"No one at all," Adam repeated, looking at his friend fearfully.

Eric slammed the gun down on the desk, causing Adam to jump, and then he buried his face in his hands.

"What the fuck have I done?" he asked.

"What the Hell do you think?" Adam suddenly yelled. "You’ve shot up the school! You’ve killed people, Eric!"

"I know!" Eric screamed, so loudly that his throat stung. "I fucking know! You don’t get it!"

"What? What don’t I get?" Adam yelled back.

"I saw him," Eric said. "Skylar Mitchell, I’ve been talking to him for ages. He’s been taking me places, talking to me, teaching me stuff. He was the one who made me crash my car, he knocked me out, he tried to shoot me, and he can’t just not be there!"

"Well, it wasn’t this … this Skylar who murdered people, Eric," Adam said, suddenly strangely calm. "I saw you shooting them. No one else. Look around. Some of these kids are only fourteen, and you stood over them and blasted their heads off. And you claim that you don’t remember? What is this? You know you’re going down and so you want to get in there with the insanity defence, huh? Is that it?"

"No," Eric said, and then he took a deep breath. "No," he repeated, calmer this time. "I know what I’m going to do."

Eric calmly reached over and picked up the gun. Adam took another fearful step back, seemingly thinking that Eric was going to shoot him for his little outburst.

Eric took a deep breath.

"I would get out of here, Adam," he said softly.

"What are you doing, Eric?" Adam asked, his voice forced into a calm tone. "What are you doing with the gun? Just put it down, man."

"Just get out of here, Adam," Eric said. "You don’t want to see this."

Eric didn’t fear death. Skylar had been right. Eric no longer feared death because he had become accustomed to what he feared about it. He had feared pain – nothing could be compared to the mental anguish he was feeling now; the guilt, the confusion, the fear, the horror. Eric had feared the unknown, but now he realised that he was in the unknown. He had been living a double life for weeks and he hadn’t even realised.

He was living with all that now, so what was there to fear? Nothing compared to this.

"Eric," Adam said, and now there was blatant, undisguised terror in his friend’s voice. "Don’t do anything like that. Please don’t do anything like that."

"Go," Eric said, as he took a steadying breath. "Adam, get out of here, or I’ll shoot you."

"Please, Eric," Adam begged. "Don’t. They can help you. You can get the help you need; you don’t have to do this. You’ll be fine, you just need to put down the gun and let them help you. We can all help you."

"I don’t even know who I am," Eric said softly. "I can’t live with what I’ve done. Please, Adam, just go."

Adam, sobbing softly, took a step back towards the nearest door, which was to their right.

"Eric –" he began, but Eric pointed the gun at him.

"Get out of here," he demanded. "I’m sorry, dude," he added.

"Not half as sorry as I am," Adam said, but then he had no choice but to leave the room, as Eric cocked the gun at him. Eric didn’t particularly want to threaten his best friend, but he needed to be alone.

He lowered the gun slightly and sighed, bracing himself for what he was about to do. Taking a deep breath, he moved the gun up, remembering, without wanting to, the documentary he had watched the evening before. He placed the barrel of the shotgun in his mouth, wincing at the strange, metallic taste of it.

As his finger twitched to the trigger and he hoped it was quick, he could have sworn he heard someone say his name. Seconds later, he realised he was correct.

He noticed for the first time the phone on the desk. The receiver was off the hook, lying on the desk with bloody fingerprints on it, and the sound was coming from there.

Eric squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore it, but he couldn’t zone it out.

"Eric?" the distorted, buzzing voice was saying. "Eric, can you pick up the phone?"

Eric slowly took the gun out of his mouth, breathing heavily, his eyes stinging with terrified tears. He took a cautious step closer, as though afraid the phone would bite him. He reached out for the receiver, twitched his hand away, before he gently picked it up, holding it a little way away from his ear and holding his breath.

"Eric?" the voice asked. "Have you picked up?"

Eric swallowed, trying to get some moisture into his dry mouth.

"Yeah," he found himself croaking.

"How are you doing, Eric?" the voice gently asked.

"Not – not so good," Eric replied, taking a shuddering breath. "I didn’t mean it. I didn’t know what I was doing; I don’t know what’s happened here."

Eric suddenly let out a choked sob.

"You need to calm down, Eric," the gentle voice told him. "Are you holding the gun?"

"Yeah," Eric managed.

"I want you to put the gun down, Eric."

"No," Eric said softly. "Don’t you see? I have to do this. I’ve got to do it. I’m going to hang up."

"Please don’t do that, Eric," the operator replied softly. "You don’t really want to do that. We can help you out, but you’ve got to help us, too."

"No," Eric said. "No, I can’t do this. I don’t know what I’ve done; I’m not in control of myself. I thought he was real, he is real, but no one believes me. This wasn’t me, it was Skylar, and I didn’t want to do this. I tried to stop him, he’s fucked me up, he’s framed me or something, and I don’t know what I’m going to do."

"Eric, calm down," the operator said gently. "You need to stay calm and keep a clear head. Take a couple of deep breaths for me, that’s it. What’s been going on?"

"This kid I hang around with, Skylar, he was going to shoot the school up today," Eric babbled. "I tried to stop him, but he knocked me unconscious. When I woke up, I’m standing in here in his clothes with the gun. I have the gun in my left hand but I’m right handed. Nothing makes sense. I’m dressed like him but I don’t remember anything that happened. My friend was there when I was speaking to him, he's telling me he’s not there, and I don’t know who to believe anymore!"

Eric could feel his chest tightening as though he were about to take a panic attack. This feeling worsened as he heard another voice from behind him.

"Who do you want to believe?"

Eric spun around to come face to face with Skylar, who was smirking and smoking a cigarette.

"Good job, kid."

"Skylar," Eric gasped. The other young man was dressed completely differently now, but Eric was so desperate that he looked over the fact. "Skylar, what’s going on?"

Skylar smiled and shrugged, looking around himself.

"Looks like you did want to shoot up the school after all," he said, and then he tutted softly as though scolding a very young child. "Very naughty, that is."

"Skylar, I’m scared," Eric whispered. "I don’t know what’s happened. Why can’t I remember doing this? This was you, your idea!"

"You can be so thick sometimes, you know that?" Skylar asked, chuckling.

"Who are you talking to, Eric?" the operator asked gently, and Eric jumped a little. He had forgotten he had been on the phone with her.

"It’s Skylar," Eric told her, still watching the other teenager, who was shaking his head and laughing. "Can you not hear what he’s doing? He’s laughing! There are people dead and he’s fucking laughing!"

"Eric," the operator said calmly. "You need to calm down. I can’t hear anyone."

Eric cursed viciously.

"Tell her you’re going to do it," Skylar suddenly said, and Eric looked at him, surprised.

"Do what?" he asked.

"Eric?" the operator asked, and Eric could hear the confusion in her voice.

"Tell her you’re going to kill yourself," Skylar said calmly.

Eric watched him, feeling so confused that he didn’t even know how to react. He wanted to ask why, but Skylar’s eyes were boring into his, and so Eric took a shuddering breath.

"Thanks for everything," he said softly. "But I’ve got to do this."

"Eric, you don’t have to do that," the operator told him, but he didn’t hear her reasons.

Skylar took the receiver out of Eric’s hand, and hung it up.