Sure to Shine

Adam hadn’t slept. He wouldn’t have been able to even if he had wanted to, but he didn’t want to. Every single time he closed his eyes, he saw Eric with that gun. He would never forget the feeling of his stomach plummeting as he had realised who had been wielding the gun in assembly that morning. He would never forget seeing Eric stand over that kid in the library as he blasted his head off. He would never, ever forget that haunting look of terror on his best friend’s face as Eric realised that he had done something terrible, and couldn’t even so much as remember it.

His parents had stayed up with him until the early hours of the morning, but Adam had finally convinced them to go to bed. He explained that he wanted to spend some time alone. Reluctantly, they had left him by himself. Adam felt sorry for them. No parent knew what to do when their child went through something like this. They had watched Columbine and Virginia Tech on the news, they had worried for weeks about if it happened to their own child, and now it had, they still didn’t know what to do. Who did?

Adam put the news on as the sun rose the next morning.

"The bodies still remain in the school this morning," the newsreader was saying, a picture of the school behind her. It was strange, looking at it surrounded by so many brightly coloured vehicles and flashing lights. "But the police have released an official death toll. Fourteen bodies were discovered within the school, double the original estimation. With fourteen murders, yesterday’s shooting has become the deadliest shooting at a high school in American history. The previous deadliest shooting, at Columbine High School ten years ago, totalled thirteen murders and two suicides. Jefferson High School’s principal, Graham Moore, has not spoken to the media directly, but had requested that they respect the privacy of the school and its pupils during this time of grieving."

Adam didn’t know what to do with himself. The news wasn’t straying from the story of the shooting, but no other news had been discovered of Eric. Adam had received a phone call from Eric’s father shortly after he had left to see his son at the hospital. Eric was alive, Adam knew that much, but apparently he needed surgery and was in a bad way. The bullet had entered through his shoulder and exited through his back, Matthew had told him. His heart and left lung had both been severely damaged. He had lost a lot of blood, and had stopped breathing in the ambulance. It wasn’t looking good, but he would keep him updated.

Sighing, Adam stood up, shoving his feet into his shoes. He was a state, he knew. He hadn’t showered or even changed his clothes from the day before. He felt numb. He didn’t know what to do. He could barely function enough to scrawl his parents a note saying that he was OK but he was heading out for a while. He left the house and walked to school. He didn’t know why he wanted to be there, but his feet carried him there.

The building itself was roped off by police, who were guarding the perimeter. However, Adam wasn’t the only lost and confused pupil who had made their way back down. Hundreds of students hung around, peering over the police tape towards the building. Some were sobbing, others were hauntingly quiet. The media were there, picking up scenes which were all too familiar to the American audience it was reporting to. Some people were praying. Flowers lined the fence separating the school grounds from the area surrounding it.

Adam stood there silently, looked at all of the people mourning for the kids his best friend had killed. He felt physically sick. The names of the victims hadn’t been released yet, but many already knew. Deep down, many people knew that their friends were still laying in that building, crime scene markers around them, forensic teams tagging everything, photographing the bodies, writing everything down. Every spent shell, every blood stain. Cataloguing what, only a day before, had been a child with a life and a future.

Someone was speaking to Adam, but it took him a while to realise what they were saying. He wished he hadn’t, because they weren’t happy with him.

"You were his best friend,” she told him bluntly. They sounded like they were speaking to him while he was underwater. Adam blinked slowly, groggily.

"Yeah?" he asked, his voice thick.

"Why didn’t you stop him?" the girl hissed, tears glistening in her eyelashes. "How did you not notice what he was planning?"

"Rebecca," someone said from beside her. It was a girl Adam recognised from his homeroom class, but his mind was working too slowly to remember her name. "Leave him. Look at him, he’s not well. It’s not his fault."

Rebecca took a deep breath, tears spurting down her cheeks again. She pointed to the school.

"My sister never walked out of there," she said, her voice catching. "We waited for word from her, but we never got it. Then we found out she’s still in there. The police assured everyone this morning that there’s no one left alive in that building, apart from the forensics teams. My sister is dead, we know that, but they’re not confirming it yet. Do you know what that’s like? My litter sister is only fourteen and she’s lying in there all alone!"

Adam was shaking. He was going to throw up. He managed to turn away, but he only made it to the other side of the road before he actually did throw up. He slumped to his knees, burying his face in his hands, shaking, trying to hold in the sobs. The cameras were on him. He didn’t care.

"Leave him," someone said to them, and someone put an arm around him and hauled him to his feet. Adam vaguely recognised Mr. Moore, the principal. He looked angry, but he was directing his glares at the media. He steered Adam over to where an ambulance was parked, sitting him down on the sidewalk.

"Would you mind checking him out?" he asked the paramedics there. "I think he’s suffering from shock."

Adam sat silently as the medics checked him over, only speaking when they asked him simple questions like his name and the date and how old he was.

"He’s a bit shaken up," one of them said. "But I think he’ll be just fine if he tries to get some rest. Did you sleep much last night, Adam?"

Adam shook his head. He still felt sick, and he didn’t want to talk any more than was absolutely necessary.

Mr. Moore sat down beside him, and for a while, they looked up at the school building silently.

"I’m real sorry, sir," Adam said softly, after the brief pause had become a little too heavy. "I should have seen it coming."

"You’ve nothing to apologize for," Mr. Moore told him firmly. "From what I’ve heard, even Eric didn’t see this coming."

Adam shook his head and sighed.

"He was acting so weird," he said quietly. "I knew something was up with him, but I didn’t know quite what it was. I should have asked more. I couldn’t believe it when … it’s just not like Eric at all. It wasn’t Eric."

"It’s no ordinary case," Mr. Moore said. "Tragic, of course, but certainly not a textbook shooting. I’m just appalled at the way people have been treating you, what with their glaring at you like you were in on it. I’ve tried to explain to them that Eric is clearly mentally unstable, but they’re angry. You have to accept that they will be angry, and until they can let Eric know they’re angry, everyone involved with him will be a scapegoat."

"I know," Adam nodded. "But I do feel responsible. I’ve known Eric since we were crawling. I should have noticed something more."

"I don’t think anyone could have prevented this," Mr. Moore said quietly. "We can’t jump to conclusions as to who’s to blame until the facts have all come out. Unfortunately, until they do, we’re going to have to be stuck in the dark. And, unfortunately, when they’re in the dark, people like that choose to speculate, rather than just wait."

Mr. Moore jabbed an angry finger in the direction of the media. Adam managed a small smile.

"Just doing their job, is what they say," Adam said quietly.

"Yeah, and my job is to protect these kids," Mr. Moore said sadly. "I’m sure I’ll be up for a slating too."

"Screw them," Adam said, glaring in the media’s direction. He had always hated seeing the media when it involved tragedies. They took it a step too far and were downright intrusive. It angered him to watch them getting footage of the sheer heartbreak that was occurring right now.

Adam lost track of the time as he sat there. More and more media was showing up as word spread around the country and everyone realised that they wanted their own angle on the story. Word was also leaking about Eric’s mental state from various other witnesses, but Adam was refusing to talk. He had done enough research to know what was coming, and sure enough, when two cops approached him mid-afternoon, he was able to tell them that he hadn’t breathed a word to the media.

"I think you’re the only one who hasn’t," one of the cops told him. "You’re Adam McCoy?"

"That’s me. I suppose you’ll want a word?"

"Well, not us personally, but the investigators, yes. Apparently you saw quite a lot."

"Unfortunately, yes," Adam muttered, as he stood up. His legs were stiff with lack of use and he still felt a little sick. "Try not to make it too dramatic. They’re already onto me," Adam muttered, nodding to the media, as he followed the two cops over to their patrol car.

"Well, they won’t have much to go on," one of them smiled. "We’re not arresting you."

Adam had been expecting this from the moment it had happened. He knew he was in for a lengthily questioning about absolutely everything, and he was gold for investigators. Not only had he witnessed the event, but he was also Eric’s closest friend and would therefore be able to give them an insight on his life right back to when they were babies, and also Eric’s home and family life. However, Adam wasn’t looking forward to it. It was going to be strenuous and probably very traumatic.

He let his parents know what was going on, and they too weren’t surprised. They also told him that Matthew had been in touch, and for a split second Adam felt his stomach plummet, but apparently Eric was doing as well as he could be doing under the circumstances. He was still critical, but stable, and hopefully things would only get better.

Adam felt light-headed with relief, but he knew that, until Eric regained consciousness and was able to speak to investigators, he himself would have to make do with being the most valuable link to the event.

Soon, he found himself sitting opposite the two investigators, and he couldn’t believe how surreal everything was.

"This is so weird," he muttered.

"I’m sure it must be," one of them agreed.

"A couple of weeks before all of this happened, I was doing a project on school violence," Adam said. "I was reading about all the kids being interviewed afterwards and I was thinking, 'Holy Hell, that would be messed up'. I didn’t see this coming, not in a million years."

Adam sighed and leant his elbows on the desk. He felt like shit.

"So, what do you want to know?" he asked softly.

"Right now, why don’t you just start from the beginning?" one of the investigators asked him gently, and Adam took a deep breath. It was going to be a long afternoon.