Baby, don't talk to me.

There I was standing at the back of the club. Watching the band perform up on stage. I knew them all so well, except for the singer. I absolutely loathed him. Sure, at one time him and I got along. Actually, we were together. That changed their first tour. When I caught him flirting with groupies. Max claimed he never did anything else. Just some flirting to boost the girls’ egos.

“Baby don’t talk to me.
I’m trying to let go.
Not loving you is harder than you know.
Cause girl your driving me so crazy.”

I heard him sing. He caught my eye and I struggled to tear my gaze away. I’m not going to lie, as much as I hate him, I still love him the same. It hurts to see him. I’ve been told he’s been completely celibate since we broke up. Which amazes me so much. I mean he’s absolutely gorgeous and he has hundreds of thousands of girls that are most probably throwing themselves at him. I guess I just don’t understand it. We’ve been broken up for over a year. That means he hasn’t masturbated or had sex. It’s very hard to grasp that. Now Max is looking at me, giving me a knowing look. Yeah, I’ll admit I’m still very much in love with him. He was my first love, and so far, my only love. I’d love for it to be that way forever. If he can keep himself true to me and not flirt with other women, that is. Before I know it their set is over. As many times as I’ve heard that song though, tonight for some reason its lyrics are still coursing through my mind.

“How can I miss you if you never would stay?
If you need time, I guess I’ll go away.
Inside me now there’s only heartache and pain.
So where’s the fire? You’ve begun the rain.

Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love’s the same.
Cause I’m not over you.”

Why, after all the times I’ve listened to this song, do I just now wonder if he wrote it about me? I go backstage after flashing the guards my pass, hoping I don’t run into him. I don’t know what I would say. I know it would be by far the most awkward conversation, though.

“Kayah!” I hear Max yell before being slammed into and squeezed.

“Hey Maxie!” I say laughing. He pulls back and looks at me, tilts his head and nods.

“You need to talk to him, Kay. He’s going insane without you. We’re all afraid he’s gonna go off the deep end soon. Once we’re done he changes quickly and then goes to the bus, straight to his bunk. He never stays up to talk to any of us. He’s completely anti social. He sits there looking at his phone waiting or he is writing. What he’s writing though, we have no clue. Please Kay. It’s been over a year. He’s different then he used to be.” Max says almost in tears. Hearing all of that breaks my heart. That’s basically how I’ve been. Has he really changed though? I guess there’s only one way to find out. I give Max a look then walk away. Making him think I’m not going to talk to him. He drops his head. I smile to myself as I walk in the direction of their bus. I know there is no way he’s on there yet. So I get on, the bus driver knowing who I am.

“Hey Sammy.” I say to him politely.

“Kayah, my dear, it’s been all too long.” He says smiling.

“Do me a favor. Don’t tell anyone I’m on here.” I plead.

“Not a soul.” He smiles still. I walk to the back where the bunks are. I look through and find his. I crawl in. The scent of him over powering me. I nearly choke on the breath I intake. I sit there silently just breathing in his scent knowing how much stronger it is going to be soon. I hear the bus doors open again. Knowing that this is most likely him I shrink back and sit absolutely still. The footsteps come closer until it seems they are almost deafening to me. The curtain pulls back and there he is in his pajama bottoms and a wife beater. He doesn’t notice me at first as he leans to get in. Then he sees me. He just stares at me. Like he doesn’t believe I’m here. Well, I can understand that. After a few moments he finally says something.

“Kayah? How, why are you here? I mean I’m glad you’re here, but I don’t understand.” He fumbles over his words.

“Look, Craig, I know it’s been a long time.” I start.

“A long time? It’s been almost a goddamn year and a half Kayah Valary! Do you have any idea of the hell I’ve been going through without you?” He yells. That’s when the tears start.

“Actually, Craigifer, I do. Because not only was I just told by Max, but I’ve been going through hell too! I was just too goddamn scared to get my heart broken to come back.” I yell back crying. His face softens and he looks at me.

“I’m sorry Kay. For absolutely everything. I was a complete asshole. I know that. I’ve changed though. I barely drink anymore, I haven’t had sex since we were last together, and I haven’t even jacked off once! I’m like a goddamn reborn virgin! Kayah, I need you. You’re my life, my everything, without you I’m just a guy that can sing. With you I’m the Craig Mabbitt that people pay to see in concert. You give me the strength to get through. I don’t blame you if you don’t want me back. Even if we take it slow, start out again from the beginning. Or if we’re just friends. I just need you back in my life. I, I, I love you, Kayah, I’ve never stopped.” He says sitting on his knees across from me. Looking me in the eye until the very end when he drops his head down and looks at his lap. I take my hand and put it on his cheek tilting his head up to look at me. I look at him for a few moments as he nuzzles his cheek into my hand.

“Craig, I don’t know how to say this...” I trail off. I just look at him knowing what would be easier than trying to tell him. My hand is still on his cheek I guide his face closer to mine, his eyes are closed. I lean in closer to him as well. Soon we’re so close together I can feel his light breath on my face. I press my lips to his. His eyes shoot open. He’s shocked, I can tell, but he kisses back nonetheless. I break away and I look at him. The man I’m still in love with. The man I’ve never stopped loving. The man I will never stop loving.

“Kay,” He says breathlessly.

“I love you, I always have, I always will. I promise.” I say truthfully. Finally expressing my withheld feelings out loud for the first time in a year. The strength it takes to say it leaves me breathless. Craig looks at me with wonder and amazement as he grins at me. He holds his arms out and I fall into his embrace readily. I know what this will entail, but I’m just glad to have my man back. It’s all I’ve truly wanted. He hasn’t been the only one completely celibate for over a year. I’m not ready to give him back all of me yet though. However, I think he may already know that.

“I’m so glad you’re back.” He says barely above a whisper a moment later.

“Hey, the guys should be back soon, right?” He nods. “No one knows I’m on here besides you, Sammy, and me. Go out to the living room and watch some TV, when they come on start talking to them. I wanna hear what their reactions are like.” I say with a mischievous glint in my eyes. He chuckles but agrees to nonetheless. I can tell he doesn’t want to leave my side though. I don’t really want him to go either, but this will be worth it. While he’s gone though, I really need to text my friend Boo. She’s going to be surprised to hear from me.

“Hey Boo, look I’m sorry for being so antisocial this past year. Things have been really rough on my end. Everything is okay now though, I hope you’ll give me another chance to be your friend.” Is what I say in the text that is so long overdue. I hear the bus doors open. I turn my phone on silent. Being absolutely quiet to ensure that I hear them. 

“Sup Monte?” Craig asks as he watches what I appears to be MTV’s My Life as Liz? What the hell Craig?

“Who are you and what did you do with Craig? The actual Craig wouldn’t be talking. RUN!!!!” Monte screams as he runs off the bus. I giggle as Craig laughs. Then I assume is Max and Robert walk on with probably extremely confused looks on their faces.

“Any idea of why Monte just ran out of the screaming Craig’s been kidnapped, Craig?” Robert asks not really expecting an answer.

“Yeah, cause I talked to him.” Craig says shrugging nonchalantly. Rob and Max’s mouths drop open.

“CRAIG!!! I’ve missed you!” Max says as he jumps on Craig. Which I only know because I hear Craig’s grunt from the sudden weight.

“Wish I could say the same Maxie, just kidding! I missed you too.” He says laughing. Not being able to control myself anymore I burst out laughing as Robert walks past the bunks. He stops and steps backwards. Then ducks his head into the bunk.

“KAYAH! Oh my God! KAYAH I’VE MISSED YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH!!!!!!! Why did you have to leave?” He asks.

“Because of some things that happened. It doesn’t matter anymore. I’m back,” I look out at Craig, “To stay.” I finish with a huge grin plastered to my face. He attacks me into a hug and I scream. I then hear fast footsteps towards the bunks and Craig and Max’s faces appear seconds later.

“Dude, Robby, mind getting off my girl?” Craig asks chuckling as Robert gets off of me. He grins.

“I thought you left, Kayah.” Max says sadly.

“You didn’t seriously think I would leave after what you told me? I still love him, and I’m not gonna let anything happen to him.” I say smiling at Craig.

“That’s great to hear. He’s not the only one that has missed you. Now I’m going to go find Bryan.” Max says before going back to the front and outside to find Bryan. Craig and I laugh. He wraps his arms back around me, pulling our bodies as close as they can possibly be without it being explicit. The wounds have finally been healed. Our horrid memories forgiven and forgotten. Life moves on in an instant. I’m with my baby, that’s all that matters.