Walls

Somehow a whole two weeks flew by without incident. Meg left me alone, for the most part. Alex and I spent an increasing amount of time together. He had even climbed in my window (after my parents went to sleep, of course) and stayed overnight. Alex's parents were nowhere near as strict as mine. They had no problem with my staying over. Apparently they were not aware of their son's reputation. Or my cruel intentions.

I'm a better liar than I should be, and it's nothing to be proud of. It has kept Jack off my back and Alex in the dark thus far, but to what ends? If all went according to Meg's plan then it would seem rather unlikely that Jack or Alex would ever want anything to do with me ever again. All the effort I was putting forth to keep them happy and clueless was going to be for nothing when they hated me. All the lies I'd been telling and secrets I'd been keeping were knawing at my insides.

The thought of hurting Alex made me sick. I had to tell Meg I was done. Maybe in the beginning, when I didn't know Alex the way I do know, I could have done it. I could have broken him and woke up the next the morning and still been able to live with myself. Now though? Now I'm in over my head.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex's voice pulled me out of my head and back to reality.

"Stuff," I mumbled sheepishly.

"Must have been some pretty interesting stuff," he mused, "You were lost in space for a while there."

"Sorry," I shrugged.

Alex just smiled. He stood up and walked toward me with a mischievious grin playing on his lips. He was quick. He scooped me up and out of the swivel chair so fast I didn't have time react. He twirled me around and we crashed onto his bed. All previous thoughts were banished from my mind and the only thing that mattered was the way his lips feel on mine. This moment, right now, is all I can think about. It's all I want to think about.

"I'm glad you decided to stay over tonight," Alex whispered breathlessly, as he pulled away.

"Me too," I agreed, "This beats listening to my parents scream at each other all night by a long shot."

"I would hope so," he smiled and rolled over so he was next to me instead of on top of me.

Alex draped his arm across my waist and sighed contently. He pulled me closer to him like he wanted to cuddle but then stopped. He gave my shirt a bizarre look and then pinched at the cotton material as if it had somehow offended him. I shot him a questioning glance back but neither one of us spoke. Alex brushed the hem of the offending shirt with his fingertips and looked back at me. I didn't say no or tell him to stop, so he didn't. He pulled my t-shirt over my head and then just stared.

"You're so beautiful," Alex told me, his breath catching in his throat.

He unbuttoned my pants next and then looked at me again, asking permission with his eyes. I nodded and he pulled them gently off and discarded them on the floor. Alex laid next to me and pulled me close again. This time he held me tight and buried his face in the crook of my neck, where he placed a billion feather-soft kisses. I couldn't help it, I giggled uncontrollably because it tickled so much. Alex didn't stop until I was out of breath. Then he smiled and I smiled too because for the first time in a while, I was really happy.

A wave of guilt washed over me. Instead of Alex's ear to ear smile, I saw his tears. I saw the pain in his eyes like I did the day he told me about his brother, but this time it was my fault. I closed my eyes and open them again. Alex was still smiling. My mind was playing tricks on me.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Fine," I replied, "I was just thinking we should even the playing field."

This was apparently just the invitation Alex needed because as soon as the words left my lips he was frantically undressing himself. The thing is, I didn't mean to say it. I had wanted to say something to keep the situation from escalating further but the opposite came out of my mouth. Half of me wanted to take it back because I know that the further this goes, the more hurt Alex will end up in the end. The other half of me was too busy gawking.

Alex was in only boxer briefs now. I knew if he stayed like that I wouldn't be able to help myself. Luckily (or unluckily), my phone began to ring from it's place on Alex's desk and I forced myself to answer it. I needed to take my mind off of insanely gorgeous, almost naked Alex.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Meg."

"What's up?" I asked, and Alex shot me an annoyed look.

"I have amazing news!" she squealed, "Come over my house so I can tell you!"

"I'm busy right now," I told her. As an afterthought I added, "I'm with Alex."

"Do you think I care if your with Alex? You're just supposed to make him fall for you. You don't need to be next him 24/7," Meg shrieked.

"Okay, okay," I conceded so she'd stop yelling. I was scared Alex might hear her. "I'll be there in 10."

I hung up and Alex groaned. He didn't say anything but he put his pajamas on and I knew the fun was over.

"You didn't have to say yes," he sounded a little angry, "You didn't even have to answer the phone. You could have let it ring."

"I'm sorry," I put my hand on his, "It's important."

"It's not important!" Alex shouted, "It's Meg! It's always Meg! She's so fucking jealous! She can't stand that I'm in love with you and every chance she gets to pull you away, she takes. I don't understand why you listen to her!"

He'd never yelled at me before. For a minute the sheer volume of his voice shocks my system and all I can think is that it's starting. I'm hurting him already. Then his words really sink in. One word in particular really sinks in. Maybe I didn't hear him right. I couldn't have. Did I?

"What did you say?"

"I don't understand why you listen to Meg," he huffed.

"No, before that," I commanded.

"She's jealous," he tried again.

"No, after that."

Alex blushed. "I love you," he said quietly.

I lost it. I start crying hysterically and I couldn't stop. My chest shook with every strangled sob and it seemed like I would never catch my breath again. Alex looked confused as hell and he tried to put his arm around me but I swatted him away. I wanted to tell him everything and beg for the forgiveness I didn't deserve but I couldn't stop crying long enough to make words. It was completely out of my control.

"I'm sorry," I said finally. "I'm so sorry."

I grabbed my shirt and pants and put them on before Alex could tell me otherwise. He looked like he might cry too but I tried not to think about it and pushed past him into the hallway. He called my name as I ran down the stairs but I didn't turn around, I couldn't. Once I had closed the front door behind me I finally felt like I could take a breath. My eyes stung. It felt like I had no tears left to cry. My lungs were full of air again though, and the world seemed to become clearer. Two things, in particular, became very clear. Number one, Alex said he loves me. Number two, I had to tell Meg I couldn't go through with it.