To Live Her Life

Youri’s mind was fuzzy and he couldn’t see a thing out of his darkened, swollen eyes. Slowly his brain began to become thawed, un-numbed. He began to panic, trying to move around his body, more importantly, his arms and legs. When he wasn’t able to move without stabbing pains, his panic heightened. What didn’t help was the feeling of rough, moving ground underneath him. Bumps and roughened terrain.

Even more slowly, was he able to hear muffled sounds, what he soon figured out were voices speaking in Arabic. After, his sight came in, but only with squinted half closed eyes.

Youri’s head throbbed dully, constantly and consistently. Meanwhile, his arm burned with stinging and his leg felt crushed. His stomach felt as though it has been punched insanely, and it was so hard for him to breathe in much needed air.

Najib remained crouched over Youri, the prior of whom had been fidgeting a little bit in the past 20 minutes.

Najib, Youri and 4 others (including Ullah) sat in the back of a wagon as they were once again being moved. They had met up with the north heading group days ago, after taking about a half day longer than expected due to dragging an unconscious, bleeding Youri with them. After arriving they waited 4 days some short distance north, almost near the border. On the 5th day, February 5th, they had to ship out again. They couldn’t wait any longer; Youri was now officially diagnosed as being in a coma.

They traveled nonstop for 2 days, and now were nearing the main camp once again.

The “plan” of getting some knowledge out of Youri had been diminishing with each passing day. Without having a real doctor was posing a huge problem for the little traveling group and their intentions. They all agreed on the “saving” of Youri from death… for now. BUT without direct orders, and their lives on the line… they were walking on thin ice so to speak.

So abandoning their post, they retreated back to the camp in hopes of getting some needed medical attention for the badly injured Ukrainian.

Najib, however, had different intentions unknown from any of the other Arabic men.
Youri blinked and brought his heavy arm up to rub at them, the one left side of his body was stiff but moveable. He whimpered and held in a yell as he tried to move around his right side, sitting up some, moving his neck.

“لا تتحرك” (Don’t move.) Najib hissed, all but knowing that the injured man before him had no clue about what he was telling him. “إنكم مجرد الذهاب الى ايذاء نفسك أكثر...” (You’re just going to hurt yourself more…)

“Océane?”Najib asked, still not all together there. He still was under the impression that Najib was in fact, Océane.

“No…” Najib rolled his eyes as he tried to talk him down from his thinking that he was indeed, his baby sister…when he obviously wasn’t.

“Wh-where?” Najib shushed the younger, Youri. And he did, Youri didn’t even try to finish his questioning. He instead, heaved and went into a heavy coughing spell. By the time he was able to force himself to stop, saliva and blood was trailing from his mouth as tears fell from his eyes due to the pain in his chest.

“She is not here….Youri…” Najib muttered slowly, hoping that he would get it. “I...” he sighed “her brother.”

Youri’s eyes opened and he looked once more at Océane’s brother, his mind straightening in that way again. How long will the denial and misunderstanding last?

“وهناك ما يقرب من نجيب” (We’re almost there Najib.) Ullah spoke, telling his fellow acquaintance. Najib nodded and looked down at the once more unconscious Youri, his faint rising and falling chest being the only indication that he was still alive.

~

Océane sat bored and unmoving underneath one of the few larger trees to be found within the camp-base site. All around her, many women varying in age, sat also underneath the shaded tree. They just wanted to escape the dry desert heat. The sun beat down mercilessly upon them all.

She sighed, moving so that she was able to lean and lay backwards down on the sandy ground.

Aleia and Ibrahim played with a few other children not too far off, Océane lulled her head sideways to see them all giggling, laughing, yelling and running around in circles… just, being kids

Or so she was told.

None of the other mothers reprimanded their children in what they were doing, so Océane didn’t bother to do anything with the twins.

She briefly wondered why growing up was different for her. Why she was never allowed near another…well, she wasn’t allowed to be out of the house near anyone hardly ever. When she did go out, she was almost…shunned.

‘Is this what everyone else did as kids?’ She pondered, a slight frown on her face as she continued in watching, wondering.

She had been so left out, never having friends other than her brothers. She wasn’t to play, the only toy she really had was a few brightly colored and patterned rocks, a pencil (that was rarely used for there wasn’t any paper to do so on) and an old rag-like, dirty cloth doll that Was beyond pathetic. That doll randomly disappeared at the age of 6, though she figured out her father threw it away.

Sighing out deeply she briefly pouted, wondering what childhood was supposed to be like. She stared up now at the sky and the deep dark looking branches extending from the big tree above her much smaller body. Which was the right way? Why was she treated so unfairly in comparison to these kids?

She knew her family’s history, what her mother had done to her father, how everything went down…but as far as she knew, all kids were treated much the same as she. Never to be heard, always to do what was asked of them…basically asking a baby to be a grown adult. But only the females…

Never, ever would the males be thought of as lowly. They would get to do anything they want, anytime. No rules or severe death sentences for simple, accidental actions.

No unfair punishments for a mistake…

Océane’s thoughts went towards her mother. She wondered what she looked like… She never saw a photo, or heard anything much about her. And she didn’t dare ask, not even her brothers. Najib for one had hard feelings towards their mother… doing what she had done and then leaving them because of it, Océane didn’t think he would ever forgive her. Although, he still looks at Océane in much the same way as he thought of their mother at times… Océane doesn’t quite understand that either.

Her thoughts were interrupted by shouting and the sound of running, where she didn’t know, but something once again was happening that she hadn’t a clue about. The usual of course.

Lulling her head to the side once again, she saw a figure being carried between a few others. She sat up curious as to who it was, turning her body to look in that general direction.

First she saw her brother, Najib. Their eyes met and hers widened at the saddened look. A look that scared her instead of intrigued her. She got to her knees before slowly, numbly standing onto her feet. She still couldn’t make out what was wrong. A step forward was taken, then after a brief pause another, then another. Then-

The men were closer, going to come right by her and the tree in time. They would be some tens of feet away but it was still close.

First she saw the color, then the design of the uniform, then his face.

Her heart sunk as everything sped up, no longer numb as she had been the past few weeks. Her heart pounded in fright and a bit of adrenaline.

She screamed out his name amongst a surfacing sob. Ignoring all protests she lunged forward, running as fast as she could through the slippery, moving sand. Despite stumbling and crashing, she got back up and continued. The men now all noticed her, bolting towards them.

Najib saw Océane getting closer and closer, knowing she would do something stupid. He quickly but gingerly handed off his hold on Youri’s body over to another man and rushed straight at her, trying to stop her.

She dashed to the side, attempting to get past him, but he grabbed her sobbing and flailing body. She screamed and kicked around in her very long, too big abaya. All the while she was muttering simple “no’s” amongst her pleadings of letting her go.

Océane sunk to the hot sand in her older brother’s arms. He had a tight hold on her as she sobbed into his shoulder. All thoughts to the scene they were making, that she was making, pushed aside. Though she was making a gigantic scene…

She was panicking…

And everyone else was questioning her motives,

Wondering why she was sobbing frantically over some enemy soldier.