Love Song

Jordan
A couple months later
June AGE: 18

It had been a long school year. I was glad that my hell on earth was finally over and I could live my life again. It made me happy beyond explanation.

My high school graduation was tomorrow. Mr. Block had been gone for the last two weeks. There was a spark of hope.

At least until class was over when the substitute, Mr. Waymain stopped me.

“Mr. Block had a special note for you.” he said, handing me a plain white envelope with JORDAN LANCASTER written across it.

“Oh…Thank you.” I said, my trembling hand grabbing the envelope. I walked away, feeling sick. So sick that I didn’t even notice Cristina, a girl I had known for a little while, but lost touch with her.

“Jordan.” she mumbled.

“Hello Cristina.” I said politely.

“Well, since you’re here, I have a graduation present for you.” she said, giving me a sly smile.

“We barely know each other anymore Cristina. What can you possibly give me?” I asked.

“Well that and I see you around once in a great while. You look stressed. I wanted to give you this.” she pulled a small baggie from her pocket and put it in my hands. I had to stare at it for a minute before I figured out what it was.

“Is this…pot?!” I said quietly. I stared at her in shock. Michelle came from a level headed family that had a nice house with white picket fences surrounding it. She was gorgeous and every man on earth would be lucky to have her on his arm. What would make her do this crap?

“It is.” she said, sounding proud.

“Why? You come from a good home,” I said.

“I don’t know. I just wanted to,” she said, shrugging one shoulder, as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“I don’t want this,” I said, reaching out to give it back. But Michelle pushed my hand away.

“Keep it. You might need it later.” she said as she smiled and pulled her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear. She winked and walked away from me.

I stuffed the baggie in my pocket, planning on throwing it away later. I couldn’t focus much on that though. I had to focus on this mystery envelope Mr. Block had Mr. Waymain give me. I tore the envelope to find a paper folded in thirds. I opened the paper and read what it said.

Dear Jordan
I know you must be wondering why I’ve been absent these past two weeks. I just can’t teach there anymore. Now that you’re eighteen, we’ll be ok. I really do love you Jordan. Don’t doubt that. I will see you after your graduation. -Ryan

I shook my head, hoping this letter was just a figment of my imagination. I shut my eyes and rubbed them with the back of my hands. But when I opened my eyes, the letter was still there in his annoying cursive.

“Jordan!” I looked up, folding the paper until it is tiny and folded my hand into a fist.

“Zakk!” I called back, waving.

In the months that followed Josh finding out about Mr. Block, a lot of things happened. My friendship with Zakk was somewhat restored. I’d attempted suicide by slitting my wrist. I’d lost a lot of blood. Josh, Amy, Tia, my parents and step-dad didn’t have my blood type. But Zakk did. He gave me his blood, so in a sense, he ran through my veins. After I went home, I took a bunch of pills, still wanting to end my life. But Zakk was still there, so he took me to the hospital, where I was on suicide watch.

But without saying it, Zakk and I were friends again.

“Does this mean you’ll come back to the band with Josh, Harrison, and I?” I’d asked.

“Jordan, I can’t…not yet.” he’d said.

Zakk knew about Mr. Block. Somehow he knew not to show it when Mr. Block was around, unlike Josh, who felt the need to put his hatred on display, whether it was a subtle grimace or some sarcastic remark.

“Jordan, I wanted to tell you something because I might not see you at the graduation ceremony tomorrow,” he stopped and stared at me for a split second before continuing, “I want to come back to the band, if you’ll have me.”

I found myself giving a genuine smile. “Of course we’ll still have you.”

“I know I shouldn’t pile on more stress because of…you know.” he mumbled. I squeezed the letter tighter in my fist.

“It’s fine.” I said, chewing on the inside of my cheek. It was only first period, but I really didn’t want to attend the rest of school. So Zakk and I simply walked out of the gates. No teachers were around to see us go.

We walked down the sidewalk laughing at nothing in particular, just like old times. But of course, Mr. Block was ruining everything for me by showing up.

“Mr. Block…” I squeaked, finding it harder to breathe.

“Jordan.” he said, reaching out and beckoning me to him. But I refused to move. I wanted to be free. But as if Zakk wasn’t even there, Mr. Block grabbed my arm and yanked me to him.

“What…?” I whispered weakly. A malevolent smile appeared on Mr. Block’s face as he lowered down on one knee.

“No…” I heard Zakk whisper softly behind me. Mr. Block grabbed my shaking hand and held it tightly in both of his.

“Marry me.” he said. I wasn’t sure how marriage proposals were supposed to work, but what I did know was that it should sound more like a question. Not an order.

“I…I…” I stammered. I could’ve said no and it wouldn’t have mattered. He would’ve still taken a small red velvet box out of his pocket, open it, take out the ring and slide it on. The ring was a two sizes smaller than my finger. Mix that in with him forcing the ring onto my finger, it got some skin off my finger. So not only was the ring cutting off the circulation in my finger, but it stung. I stared at the tiny stone that stuck out of the golden ring. This ring looked fake and cheap.

Mr. Block didn’t love me. I thought I was just the girl of the year. I’m in hell for a year, then it’s over. But no. I had to stick around until death do us part.

Mr. Block placed a kiss on my cheek and walked away.

“Jordan…” Zakk mumbled. The kindness and warmth that was in his voice before had subsided.

“Zakk.” I said, turning my body to face him. “You can’t hate me again.”

“Who said I hated you?” Zakk said, his expression blank.

“The way you’re talking to me.” I murmured.

“Well I’m not exactly thrilled that you’re marrying a rapist.” he mumbled, kicking a clump of ripped out grass into the gutter.

“You think I’m thrilled…?” I said, almost defensively.

“If you weren’t happy with that, why wouldn’t you say no?” he asked.

“Did he ask me? No.” I mumbled.

“Stop making excuses Jordan. It’s obvious you love being beaten to a bloody pulp then raped afterwards.” he snarled

“I don’t.” I whimpered.

Zakk sighed and stared at me, misery written all over his face. “I know. I’m sorry.”

The next day, I could hardly pay attention to the principal going on and on about what a wonderful class we were. I couldn’t get the annoying ringing out of my head and I felt numb.

I took my diploma, hugged my family, took pictures and tried to quickly pack my things and get the hell out. I already had a huge house I was going to live in as soon as I graduated.

Of course, at the time, I’d expected that I’d be alone. But no. Mr. Block ruined everything.

“Maybe I could visit you someday.” Tia said sweetly, as she leaned against my doorway.

“Yeah maybe.” I mumbled, pushing past her with my numerous suitcases. I’d been in such a hurry getting changed that I didn’t care what clothes I grabbed. I had on my jeans from the day before and some random halter top that had pink, orange, and red horizontal stripes.

I wanted some alone time, to forget my pain. I slumped on my recliner chair without unpacking my things. I probably should’ve stayed home to have proper good-byes with my family. But I needed to get away from my life.

I felt something in my pocket and pulled out the baggie from the day before. I stared at the joints that were ready for me to light up.

Keep it. You might need it later. Her words refused to leave my head.

I stood up and searched my suitcase for matches or a lighter. I found a lighter in my make-up bag and flopped back down on my recliner chair. I twirled it around between my index finger and my thumb.

I lit it up and took a hit. I sat there for a minute, waiting for it to hit me. I shrugged it off and took another hit. Still nothing.

After a few minutes the joint was out and I had leaned my recliner back and I laughed at the images I was finding in the texture of my ceiling. These images wouldn’t have been funny an hour ago. But they were hilarious now.

I felt so tired but I was too occupied with the ceiling to care.

A knock came to my door and I ignored it. When the door opened, I heard Josh’s voice.

“Jordan?” he called softly. I avoided his gaze and continued to laugh as if he wasn’t even there.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked. He sniffed the air, then leaned in to smell me. “And what is that smell?!”

“Josh…” I giggled, leaning in like I was telling a secret.

“I’m so high right now.” I whispered, throwing myself back on my chair and laughing hysterically. Josh stepped back like I’d just hit him.

“Are you freaking SERIOUS?!” he yelled. He picked me up off the chair and carried me up to my room.

“Hey! Let go!” I demanded. Josh pushed my bedroom door open and threw me on my bed and pulled my covers over my body.

“It’s sleepy time.” he growled under his breath.

When Josh picked me up, it seemed like the world was on pause and it started up again when I landed on my bed.

I must’ve fallen asleep after a couple minutes because I opened my eyes and Josh was gone, but I heard commotion downstairs. I rolled over to look at my clock.

“5:00...” I read. I felt completely normal. I didn’t feel sick or anything. A part of me wanted to kill Cristina for giving the pot to me. Then I felt stupid for actually smoking it. Then I just wanted to get my hands on more of it.

I threw my comforter off of me and headed downstairs and headed towards the loud noises. I walked into the kitchen to see Josh, Tia, Amy, and Zakk running around making dinner.

“Jordan!” Tia said happily. She ran to me and hugged me tightly. I looked at Josh over her shoulder as I hugged her back. He glanced at me and he didn’t look very happy. He then looked away and looked at a note card with a recipe written in Mom’s handwriting.

“Hi.” I said, chuckling at Tia’s massive energy and excitement. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Josh said you weren’t feeling well, so we decided to help you out and make you dinner.” Tia explained.

“Oh. He did?” I glanced at Josh, who was adding red wine vinegar to the salad dressing that Mom would make.

“Yeah. Tia called us and I cancelled my plans with Sean to come down here.” Amy said as she handed Zakk a plate with raw steak.

“Oh. You shouldn’t have.” I mumbled uncomfortably.

“We don’t mind Jordan. Just relax.” Zakk said in an almost irritated way as he walked out the back door to barbecue the steaks.

“I’m feeling much better. Maybe I could-”

“Don’t.” Josh snapped, cutting me off mid sentence. Amy and Tia glanced at Josh and I, then at the back door that was slowly closing.

“Something is off with the three of you.” Amy observed.

“We’re fine.” Josh said quietly, keeping his attention at the salad dressing that he was dunking on the large bowl of salad.

“Are you sure?” Tia asked. Josh grabbed the bowl and looked up at us.

“Yes.” he grumbled. He walked quickly out of my kitchen, almost ramming into me.

“I…should go take a shower.” I mumbled, turning and walking upstairs.

I knew why Josh was angry. I knew why Zakk was being weird. Josh saw me high and told Zakk. But not Amy or Tia. I couldn’t handle my best friend and my little sister knowing. I knew why Josh and Zakk were taking this so seriously.

I always told my friends that I would never get sucked into smoking pot or popping pills or whatever trendy drug was floating around my school. Zakk and Josh thought I would never crack under pressure when it came to drugs. Hell, I thought I would never crack under pressure.

It wasn’t peer pressure that pushed me towards this low. It was the pressure of Mr. Block. All the stress and pain I felt for the school year was all seeping back into my soul and my heart. Slowly but surely. Now I was marrying him. This could kill me.

If Zakk had just let me die like I’d wanted, I wouldn’t be going through this. I remember my experience of being dead. I felt weightless and this feeling of exhilaration and bliss. I remember seeing Zakk, and him seeing me. And beside Zakk, I could see the light. Everyone I cared about stood there waiting for me. Aria stood there with our cat with a smile just for me. But as I headed for the light, I felt myself being dragged back into my wounded body.

“No! How is this happening?!”

“I donated my blood for you. I want you to live Jordan!”

“No!”

I would’ve been completely happy in the afterlife with Aria and Kitty. And everyone else in my family that had died. But no.

I was stuck here on Earth.