Status: I started this story years ago when I was young and I'm too far now to start over. So bear with me hahaha! I added some inside jokes I should not have added. I apologize in advance hahaha!
Love Song
Chapter 15: My Sanity's Song
Jordan
“Where did Amy go?” I asked when I sat down at my dining room table.
“I don’t know.” Josh grumbled as he sat down across from me. I knew that Josh was mad at me for doing pot. But hell, it felt good. I pretty much forgot my problems and was able to laugh again. Although, I was laughing at my ceiling and ceilings are definitely not funny. And since Zakk looked annoyed, I knew that Josh had told him. There would be no other way for him to know.
And Tia. Poor Tia. She had no clue. She must’ve thought that Josh was being mean to me for no reason.
When Tia left after dinner, Josh and Zakk stayed and I knew I needed to talk to them. I sat down on my couch in the living room across from Zakk and Josh.
“Why would you do this Jordan?” Josh asked bluntly.
“Josh, you’re not Dad. Leave me alone.” I sighed.
“Why should we Jordan?” Zakk piped in.
“Because this was my choice.” I mumbled.
“Are you kidding me? What kind of excuse is that?!” Josh snapped. I flinched at his voice that reminded me so much of Dad.
“Josh, you wouldn’t understand so just drop it.” I said softly.
“Jordan, we know that you’re having a hard time, but this doesn’t mean you have to get high to escape.” Zakk said softly.
“A hard time is an understatement.” I scoffed.
“Jordan, please.” Zakk said softly. “Please, don’t continue this.”
“It’s late…you guys should go.” I mumbled, leading them to my front door. They walked out of my door without looking at me or saying anything to me. I closed the door and threw the towel off my head.
A couple minutes later, my front door opened. Thinking it was a burglar, I grabbed something heavy to hit him with. When I got to the door, I saw Mr. Block. Er, Ryan.
“Hello Jordan.” he said smoothly, making his way toward me.
“It’s late Ryan. What do you want?” I asked, my hands keeping a tight grip on…whatever heavy thing I was holding. I didn’t know. He slowly took it and with one yank, ripped it out of my hands.
“You’re going to be my wife Jordan. I can’t come and see you?” he said, grabbing my arm gently. I knew if I pulled away he’d be less gentle.
“But…it’s eleven o’clock.” I mumbled.
“So?” he said. He kissed me and it was done.
I was trapped in that same ten minutes of horror, like a bad scary movie. Only it was real, and this would be the rest of my life.
He didn’t leave afterwards. As a matter of fact, he had sold his apartment and brought his things. He was living with me now. I just wanted to die.
I woke up the next morning and I luckily didn’t have any new bruises. It didn’t change how damaged I felt. I walked into my closet to get my clothes for the day. I put on a black and white slashed knit top and a black pleated mini skirt. I got on my knees and got my wooden heeled leather boots from under my bed and put them on. I grabbed my sunglasses from my nightstand and walked on my toes to avoid waking Ryan.
I needed to get the hell away from reality and I knew who could help me do that. I got in my car and drove to Cristina’s house. I rolled down my window, letting the cold, crisp morning air greet me. It felt good against my skin.
I parked in front of Cristina’s house. Her dad was outside moving the lawn. I opened the gate and walked up to the door as I smiled at him.
“Good morning Jordan.” he greeted kindly. I nodded and walked towards the front door. It felt like Cristina’s dad knew what I came here for. I fidgeted as I rang the doorbell. I heard feet walking towards the door. When the door opened, Cristina stood there in mini shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top.
“Um, hi Cristina. Can I talk to you?” I muttered. Cristina smiled, clearly amused.
“Sure. Let’s go to my room.” she led me upstairs and for the first time, I noticed how nice her house was. Their living room looked like it should be on the cover of one of those Home Living magazines.
When got to her room, she locked her door and went straight to her underwear drawer. She lifted up another baggie.
“I’m assuming this is what you wanted?” she said, waving the baggie.
“Uh, yeah.” I said slowly.
“I knew you couldn’t resist.” she said smugly. She handed me the baggie. I stared at the joints that were fully ready to smoke.
“You don’t need to pay me. The self satisfaction is proper payment.” she laughed. I turned and left the house, having hidden the pot in my boot without saying good-bye or even giving Cristina’s parents eye contact. I got back into my car and my boot felt like it weighed 100 pounds. I hated that guilt weight.
When I got home, Ryan was sitting on my recliner watching TV. I walked on my toes up the stairs so I could hide my pot without him noticing. I opened my underwear drawer and jammed it under my underwear.
“Where did you go so early?” Ryan asked as I closed the drawer. I whipped my body around.
“Uh, I left something at my house.” I said, covering my drawer with my body.
“You did? What?” he asked.
“I left my vitamins there.” I mumbled.
“They weren’t prescription. We could’ve just bought more.” he said. I cringed at the way he said we.
“Yeah but if I don’t take them, I’ll get my really bad head rushes again. I hate those.” I said softly.
“Those head rushes are annoying, but they won’t kill you.” he scoffed.
“Well sometimes they get so bad that I fall down.” I argued. I expected him to hit me and tell me never to argue with him again. His reaction surprised me.
“Whatever Jordan. I don’t care. You just have an answer for everything.” he grumbled. I would’ve been amused if anyone else had said it. But Ryan made the funniest phrases creepy and frightening.
“I planned everything for the wedding.” he said. I looked down at my hand. My engagement ring had been sized to fit my finger after he made me say yes to his proposal. Even so, it felt like it was 10 sizes too small.
“You did?” I mumbled.
“Yes. I have all the dresses for you and your friends ready.” he said.
“You bought my wedding dress…?” I squeaked.
“I did.” he said.
“What else did you do?” I asked softly.
“I picked out the place.” he said proudly.
“Where are we getting married?” I asked, my fingers fiddling with my engagement ring.
“A church.” he said. My heart stopped for a second.
“A church? But I…” I stopped myself.
“You what?” he said, a little bit of anger and annoyance in his voice.
“Nothing. Nevermind.” I sighed. Ever since I was a kid, I made a vow to myself that I would never get married in a church. It wasn’t a religious thing. It was the fact that I wanted to be married somewhere outdoors where it was quiet and beautiful.
“Good.” he grumbled.
“When is the wedding?” I asked.
“Next April. April 10th.” he answered. I would be nineteen. My life would be over a month after I turn nineteen.
“Oh. In the spring. Lovely.” I sighed. I walked out of the bedroom feeling lower than low. Everything I didn’t want was being given to me. I grabbed my cell phone from my coffee table and dialed the one person I needed to tell. The one girl who I hoped would help. My best friend, Sam.
Sam was lucky. She was going to start college in September. Sam, along with Amy were both always smarter than me. When I was in Algebra 1-2, they were in Geometry. When I was in Earth Science, they were in Biology. Maybe Sam could use that intelligence to help me.
Sam answered on the first ring.
“Jordan! Hey!” Sam greeted happily.
“Hi Sam.” I mumbled.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Well…I um….I’m uh…getting married.” I said, feeling a bad taste in my mouth when I said It.
“Are you serious?” Sam said softly.
“Sadly, yes.” I whispered.
“Sadly? Why sadly?” Sam asked. I spent twenty to thirty minutes telling her the entire story. From the beginning of senior year to recent events...except for the pot.
“Oh my god Jordan!” Sam exclaimed.
“I know.” I mumbled.
“Do you want me to call the police?” Sam asked.
“No! Don’t do that!” I snapped.
“Why not?” she asked.
“I’m afraid.” I whimpered.
“Good god Jordan.” she said softly. Before I could say anything else, I felt a hand snatch my phone away and close it.
“Jordan, who was that?” he asked.
“My friend Sam.” I answered weakly.
“Don’t think I didn’t hear the things you said.” he snarled.
“Ryan, please don’t hurt me.“ I whimpered, backing away from him. He grabbed my arm tightly and yanked me back to him.
My body was inches from his. I looked up at him, begging him with my eyes. There was a moment of silence and I thought that he wasn’t going to do anything.
All of a sudden, I felt a pain in my rib area. He’d punched me. Hard. I winced and fell to my knees. I looked up to see his fist heading straight for me. I was powerless against him. His fist rammed against the entire right side of my face and I landed on the ground, my head making a large thud.
I curled up into a ball, not wanting to express the extreme pain that circulated through my body like blood. I heard the front door slam and a car drive away. I stumbled onto my feet and searched the house but Ryan was gone.
I slowly made my way up to my room and opened my underwear drawer. I lifted my underwear and grabbed the bag and slammed my drawer shut. I lit up and in minutes my pain was forgotten.
Although it didn’t feel as good as it did the first time it was enough to keep my sanity in check.
And right now, I needed to keep my sanity safe.
“Where did Amy go?” I asked when I sat down at my dining room table.
“I don’t know.” Josh grumbled as he sat down across from me. I knew that Josh was mad at me for doing pot. But hell, it felt good. I pretty much forgot my problems and was able to laugh again. Although, I was laughing at my ceiling and ceilings are definitely not funny. And since Zakk looked annoyed, I knew that Josh had told him. There would be no other way for him to know.
And Tia. Poor Tia. She had no clue. She must’ve thought that Josh was being mean to me for no reason.
When Tia left after dinner, Josh and Zakk stayed and I knew I needed to talk to them. I sat down on my couch in the living room across from Zakk and Josh.
“Why would you do this Jordan?” Josh asked bluntly.
“Josh, you’re not Dad. Leave me alone.” I sighed.
“Why should we Jordan?” Zakk piped in.
“Because this was my choice.” I mumbled.
“Are you kidding me? What kind of excuse is that?!” Josh snapped. I flinched at his voice that reminded me so much of Dad.
“Josh, you wouldn’t understand so just drop it.” I said softly.
“Jordan, we know that you’re having a hard time, but this doesn’t mean you have to get high to escape.” Zakk said softly.
“A hard time is an understatement.” I scoffed.
“Jordan, please.” Zakk said softly. “Please, don’t continue this.”
“It’s late…you guys should go.” I mumbled, leading them to my front door. They walked out of my door without looking at me or saying anything to me. I closed the door and threw the towel off my head.
A couple minutes later, my front door opened. Thinking it was a burglar, I grabbed something heavy to hit him with. When I got to the door, I saw Mr. Block. Er, Ryan.
“Hello Jordan.” he said smoothly, making his way toward me.
“It’s late Ryan. What do you want?” I asked, my hands keeping a tight grip on…whatever heavy thing I was holding. I didn’t know. He slowly took it and with one yank, ripped it out of my hands.
“You’re going to be my wife Jordan. I can’t come and see you?” he said, grabbing my arm gently. I knew if I pulled away he’d be less gentle.
“But…it’s eleven o’clock.” I mumbled.
“So?” he said. He kissed me and it was done.
I was trapped in that same ten minutes of horror, like a bad scary movie. Only it was real, and this would be the rest of my life.
He didn’t leave afterwards. As a matter of fact, he had sold his apartment and brought his things. He was living with me now. I just wanted to die.
I woke up the next morning and I luckily didn’t have any new bruises. It didn’t change how damaged I felt. I walked into my closet to get my clothes for the day. I put on a black and white slashed knit top and a black pleated mini skirt. I got on my knees and got my wooden heeled leather boots from under my bed and put them on. I grabbed my sunglasses from my nightstand and walked on my toes to avoid waking Ryan.
I needed to get the hell away from reality and I knew who could help me do that. I got in my car and drove to Cristina’s house. I rolled down my window, letting the cold, crisp morning air greet me. It felt good against my skin.
I parked in front of Cristina’s house. Her dad was outside moving the lawn. I opened the gate and walked up to the door as I smiled at him.
“Good morning Jordan.” he greeted kindly. I nodded and walked towards the front door. It felt like Cristina’s dad knew what I came here for. I fidgeted as I rang the doorbell. I heard feet walking towards the door. When the door opened, Cristina stood there in mini shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top.
“Um, hi Cristina. Can I talk to you?” I muttered. Cristina smiled, clearly amused.
“Sure. Let’s go to my room.” she led me upstairs and for the first time, I noticed how nice her house was. Their living room looked like it should be on the cover of one of those Home Living magazines.
When got to her room, she locked her door and went straight to her underwear drawer. She lifted up another baggie.
“I’m assuming this is what you wanted?” she said, waving the baggie.
“Uh, yeah.” I said slowly.
“I knew you couldn’t resist.” she said smugly. She handed me the baggie. I stared at the joints that were fully ready to smoke.
“You don’t need to pay me. The self satisfaction is proper payment.” she laughed. I turned and left the house, having hidden the pot in my boot without saying good-bye or even giving Cristina’s parents eye contact. I got back into my car and my boot felt like it weighed 100 pounds. I hated that guilt weight.
When I got home, Ryan was sitting on my recliner watching TV. I walked on my toes up the stairs so I could hide my pot without him noticing. I opened my underwear drawer and jammed it under my underwear.
“Where did you go so early?” Ryan asked as I closed the drawer. I whipped my body around.
“Uh, I left something at my house.” I said, covering my drawer with my body.
“You did? What?” he asked.
“I left my vitamins there.” I mumbled.
“They weren’t prescription. We could’ve just bought more.” he said. I cringed at the way he said we.
“Yeah but if I don’t take them, I’ll get my really bad head rushes again. I hate those.” I said softly.
“Those head rushes are annoying, but they won’t kill you.” he scoffed.
“Well sometimes they get so bad that I fall down.” I argued. I expected him to hit me and tell me never to argue with him again. His reaction surprised me.
“Whatever Jordan. I don’t care. You just have an answer for everything.” he grumbled. I would’ve been amused if anyone else had said it. But Ryan made the funniest phrases creepy and frightening.
“I planned everything for the wedding.” he said. I looked down at my hand. My engagement ring had been sized to fit my finger after he made me say yes to his proposal. Even so, it felt like it was 10 sizes too small.
“You did?” I mumbled.
“Yes. I have all the dresses for you and your friends ready.” he said.
“You bought my wedding dress…?” I squeaked.
“I did.” he said.
“What else did you do?” I asked softly.
“I picked out the place.” he said proudly.
“Where are we getting married?” I asked, my fingers fiddling with my engagement ring.
“A church.” he said. My heart stopped for a second.
“A church? But I…” I stopped myself.
“You what?” he said, a little bit of anger and annoyance in his voice.
“Nothing. Nevermind.” I sighed. Ever since I was a kid, I made a vow to myself that I would never get married in a church. It wasn’t a religious thing. It was the fact that I wanted to be married somewhere outdoors where it was quiet and beautiful.
“Good.” he grumbled.
“When is the wedding?” I asked.
“Next April. April 10th.” he answered. I would be nineteen. My life would be over a month after I turn nineteen.
“Oh. In the spring. Lovely.” I sighed. I walked out of the bedroom feeling lower than low. Everything I didn’t want was being given to me. I grabbed my cell phone from my coffee table and dialed the one person I needed to tell. The one girl who I hoped would help. My best friend, Sam.
Sam was lucky. She was going to start college in September. Sam, along with Amy were both always smarter than me. When I was in Algebra 1-2, they were in Geometry. When I was in Earth Science, they were in Biology. Maybe Sam could use that intelligence to help me.
Sam answered on the first ring.
“Jordan! Hey!” Sam greeted happily.
“Hi Sam.” I mumbled.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Well…I um….I’m uh…getting married.” I said, feeling a bad taste in my mouth when I said It.
“Are you serious?” Sam said softly.
“Sadly, yes.” I whispered.
“Sadly? Why sadly?” Sam asked. I spent twenty to thirty minutes telling her the entire story. From the beginning of senior year to recent events...except for the pot.
“Oh my god Jordan!” Sam exclaimed.
“I know.” I mumbled.
“Do you want me to call the police?” Sam asked.
“No! Don’t do that!” I snapped.
“Why not?” she asked.
“I’m afraid.” I whimpered.
“Good god Jordan.” she said softly. Before I could say anything else, I felt a hand snatch my phone away and close it.
“Jordan, who was that?” he asked.
“My friend Sam.” I answered weakly.
“Don’t think I didn’t hear the things you said.” he snarled.
“Ryan, please don’t hurt me.“ I whimpered, backing away from him. He grabbed my arm tightly and yanked me back to him.
My body was inches from his. I looked up at him, begging him with my eyes. There was a moment of silence and I thought that he wasn’t going to do anything.
All of a sudden, I felt a pain in my rib area. He’d punched me. Hard. I winced and fell to my knees. I looked up to see his fist heading straight for me. I was powerless against him. His fist rammed against the entire right side of my face and I landed on the ground, my head making a large thud.
I curled up into a ball, not wanting to express the extreme pain that circulated through my body like blood. I heard the front door slam and a car drive away. I stumbled onto my feet and searched the house but Ryan was gone.
I slowly made my way up to my room and opened my underwear drawer. I lifted my underwear and grabbed the bag and slammed my drawer shut. I lit up and in minutes my pain was forgotten.
Although it didn’t feel as good as it did the first time it was enough to keep my sanity in check.
And right now, I needed to keep my sanity safe.