Love Song

Amy

“Sean this dinner was freaking amazing.” I said as I took a sip of water.

“Thanks Amy. I’m glad you liked it.” he laughed.

“You’re just too perfect.” I said, leaning over the table and giving him a kiss.

“Do you have to leave to go on your little tour thing?” he asked, giving me a puppy dog pout.

“Yeah. I’m the only cello player Jordan knows.” I laughed. I glanced at the clock on Sean’s wall. It was almost midnight and I was astounded by how late it was.

“You can stay over if you want.” Sean said softly. I felt my cheeks burn red as I tried to think of excuses.

“My sister left her stuff here when she moved into her dorm room. She wouldn’t care if you used them.” he added. I sighed and agreed. I would just sleep on his couch. And seeing as it was almost midnight, I didn’t want to wake my parents. But Sean refused to let me sleep on his couch. I took his bed and he took the couch. Don’t think I didn’t put up a fight.

The Next Day

The sounds of Sean in his kitchen woke me up the next morning. I shuffled across the hall into the kitchen where I saw Sean cracking eggs into a pan.

“Sorry I woke you up.” Sean said quietly.

“It’s fine. I would’ve woke up anyways.” I laughed, not taking my eyes off of the serving plate with bacon piled on top of bacon.

“Take some. I made them for you.” he laughed as he handed me a strip.

I happily chewed on the strip of bacon as I watched Sean make me scrambled eggs. He always looked like he had a horrendous amount of energy and he never got tired. I loved that about him.

“I made coffee if you want some.” Sean offered as he set my plate down on the table with two more strips of bacon next to my eggs.

“Sean I’m going to be fat by the time I finish.” I laughed as I sat down and started eating.

After I finished eating, I put my clothes from the day before back on and put a breath mint in my mouth. It wasn’t the same as brushing my teeth, but it would have to do until I got home.

I was on Sean’s porch when he grabbed my hand to stop me.

“Amy I wanted to tell you something before you leave…” Sean mumbled, his cheeks turning pink.

“Sure. What’s on your mind?” I asked with a smile.

“We’ve been dating for…almost a year right?” Sean said.

“Yeah, why?” I said as I nodded.

“Amy…I love you. I love you so much that my heart breaks a little when you leave and I feel so terribly sad until I see you again.” he said, grabbing both of my hands and squeezing them gently.

I looked away and bit my lip to keep from crying. The crying was for three reasons. One, because Sean just told me he loved me in the most special way I could ever think of. Two, I felt the same way and didn’t know how to express it. And three, because it killed me when I realized that I didn’t remember Peter ever telling me he loved me. After four years, he cheated on me with Audrey and tore my heart into shreds.

“Sean I…” I said, wiping my eyes. I looked back at him and his eyes were lit up like big blue Christmas lights.

“Sean when Peter cheated on me, I was just…crushed…angry…so many other things. And you really helped me heal. And I could never thank you enough for that.” I kissed him and leaned into his ear, “I love you too Sean, so much.”

He gave me another kiss and led me to my car.

“I’ll call you later today.” he said as I got into my car and shut the door.

“Maybe we’ll do something today.” I answered as he poked his head in through the window to kiss me good-bye. He stayed and waved to me as I pulled out of his driveway.

When I got home, I saw my mom through the window watching TV. I could see from the front yard that her hair looked like an unmade bed.

“Where have you been all night?” Mom asked as I walked through the front door.

“At Sean’s.” I answered. I know my mom wanted to have that uncomfortable conversation with me about the birds and the bees but she knew I was going to be eighteen in December and didn’t need it anymore.

I walked upstairs, grabbed my outfit for the day, and walked into the bathroom to take a shower. When I got out, I fixed my hair and put a yellow hair clip in it. I put in my Harajuku drop earrings on and went downstairs to visit with my parents when I saw Sam on the couch talking to them.

“Sam? What are you doing here?” I asked as I bit my bottom lip.

“I needed to talk to you.” she responded. She got up from the couch and followed me upstairs into my bedroom. She sat me down on my desk chair as she closed my door.

“You know Jordan’s uh… ‘situation’ right?” she asked quietly.

“Um…yes.” I answered in a small voice. Sam’s eyes widened and she gave me that “are you retarded?!” look that her and Jordan were extremely good at.

“What is wrong with you?! What’s wrong with Josh and Zakk and Jordan’s parents?!” she exclaimed as she threw her arms up.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Don’t play dumb. For one thing, why is everyone listening to Jordan when she tells them not to call the police?! And for another thing, why is she marrying this guy if he does this to her?!” she screamed.

“Sam, we listened to her because we thought she’d tell her parents at least and they could handle it.” I said, not really knowing how to respond to Sam’s logic.

“Why would her parents ignore it?! Don’t they see the bruises?!” she snapped.

“I. Don’t. Know Sam.” I said slowly.

“Well that’s why I told your parents.” Sam said proudly.

“My parents?!” I gasped.

“Yeah. Your parents. Maybe someone will finally do something.” she said.

“Jordan is going to kill you when she finds out. And if this fails and Ryan is off the hook…I don’t even want to think about it.” I sighed as I rubbed my temples.

“Oh please Amy. They’ll see Jordan and this Ryan guy will go down.” Sam said, smiling.

“Sam, I really don’t want to deal with Jordan right now.” I grumbled as I tried to ignore my pounding head.

“Why? What did Jordan do that was so terrible?” Sam asked.

“She smoked pot.” I answered bluntly.

“You’re kidding right?” Sam chuckled.

“No. Josh told me. And you know that Josh isn’t a liar.” I mumbled. Sam stopped chuckling and stared into space for a minute then she looked back at me.

“Any other bombs you want to drop on me?” she asked irritably.

“Um…she attempted suicide. Twice during senior year.” I answered casually.

“Amy…” Sam said, thinking I was lying.

“You think I’m lying, but if you ever see Jordan’s wrist. You’ll see a scar from where she slit it.” I said. Sam was silent again.

“Jordan is losing it Amy.” Sam said softly.

“Tell me something I don’t know.” I scoffed. It may have seemed selfish and cruel, but I needed to forget Jordan for a moment. This past year had been hell on earth for all of us. Except Sam. Why is it always except Sam?

“Well, hopefully your parents can help Jordan.” Sam mumbled as she opened my door to leave.

“Bye Sam.” I said softly. She waved and closed the door and she was gone.

I spun in my desk chair for awhile trying to clear my head. I decided I’d go for a walk or something. Doesn’t that clear your mind of all negative thoughts? Well I didn’t want to meditate so I decided to go for a walk.

As I left the house, I heard my parents in the kitchen talking to the police on the phone. I wasn’t sure about that. It was only an assumption but I didn’t feel like looking into it.

I walked over to the park, thinking maybe the happiness of small children would calm me down. I smiled at the small baby being swung on the baby swing but almost fainted when I saw who was pushing him.

I hadn’t seen Peter since graduation, which had been several days. So why was I shocked to see him? I didn’t have the slightest idea why either.

“Amy!” I heard Peter call. I guess he assumed we were on good terms now. I mean it had been a few months since we broke up. But to be honest, I didn’t know how I felt about him anymore. I’d definitely calmed down since then so it’s not like you’d have to pull my teeth to get me to speak to him.

“Hi Peter.” I greeted softly as I walked towards the swings.

“How are you?” he asked as he swung the baby.

“I’m fine. Yourself?” I responded awkwardly.

“Same.” he said as he shrugged a shoulder. It was completely silent after that except for the sounds of the swings and the screams of tiny children.

“So…where is the little witch…um, I mean Audrey.” I asked flatly.

“We broke up.” he mumbled.

“Oh. That’s too bad.” I said, trying to fight the urge to smile. Peter took the baby out of the swing and we walked to a bench where his mom was sitting reading a magazine.

“Here Mom. Take him.” he said as he placed the baby in the stroller.

“So…” Peter mumbled as we walked around the park.

“So.” I mimicked. Peter stopped slowly, which made me stop. I turned to face him as he stood there staring at me.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. Without answering me, he grabbed me and placed a kiss on my lips. I hadn’t felt Peter’s lips against mine for so long. Part of me missed it and I hated myself a little for pulling away and slapping him.

“You think by kissing me, everything you did would go away?!” I snapped.

“Amy, I’m so sorry for what I did. I know I was wrong. Please, you have to forgive me.” he begged, getting on his knees and grabbing my hand.

“No Peter. Just…no. You can’t just break my heart and then expect me to forgive you.” I mumbled, my voice shaking.

“It’s been four years Amy.” Peter grumbled.

“Well, if you’re waiting for the right time to beg for forgiveness, it’s going to be longer than four years.” I said slowly as I yanked my hands away and stormed off, tears streaming down my face as I went.

The truth of the matter was, a small, tiny part of me didn’t know where I stood with Peter. Did I forgive him? Did I still love him? I had no clue. I had such a delayed reaction when he kissed me. If I didn’t love him still, wouldn’t I have stopped him before he could even get to my lips? I was confused and angry at myself. I had Sean, the greatest man I could ever have.

And I didn’t know if I would be able to keep him and forget Peter.