Love Song

Jordan

I woke up that morning in a trance, and not the good kind. I was happy that I woke up alone with no dirty hands on me. Ryan had spent the night at his sister’s house and he was going to meet me at the church for the wedding. Was I happy? Of course not. But at the moment, I had nothing to give me the strength I needed. I’d like nothing more than to kick Ryan in his “man business” and be on my merry way. But my sanity was already on the edge from Aria and Zakk.

But if it weren’t for Ryan, I would’ve been able to collect myself and move on. But thanks to him, I could snap any day. My sanity was hanging from an extremely thin thread.

I sighed as I shuffled slowly into my bathroom to take a shower. I had to hurry and get myself ready. God forbid I was a little late right?

I didn’t feel like putting effort into getting dressed. I threw on a sweatshirt, a pair of jeans, and some cheap flip flops and my shades. I showed up at the church with wet hair and a tired face. Sam and Amy stopped what they were doing when I walked in.

“Jordan, you look…” Sam’s voice trailed off as she reluctantly put on her hideous yellow dress.

“Bad, I know,” I grumbled as I grabbed my wedding dress.

“No Jordan. Not bad. Tired,” she said.

“Well, I am.” I mumbled as I began changing from my ugly sweatshirt and jeans to my equally ugly dress.

“And Jordan, we’re sorry about last night. We didn’t mean anything you said,” Amy mumbled as she slipped her feet into her ballerina flats.

“No, no Amy. Don’t apologize,” I said, “you were right. All I’m doing is wallowing in self pity and getting stoned.”

“And…?” Sam said hopefully.

“And nothing. End of discussion,” I said flatly as I grabbed my shoes.

“So you’re just going to give up and let him hurt you?” Amy asked.

“If you really think about it, I have no other option.” I mumbled.

“YOU HAD PLENTY OF OPTIONS AND YOU THREW THEM ALL AWAY!” Sam screamed, throwing her arms up in the air.

“Sam, do you remember what I told you last night? I told you that you don’t know anything. You may have been right, but what I said was right as well…” I mumbled softly.

“Oh yeah, ‘you don’t know anything Sam!’ I don’t have to know to see that you would’ve been able to get out of this hell and you didn’t.” she snarled.

“Sam! You’re still ignorant! You wouldn’t be saying this if you knew what I’d been going through the past what…year? Two years? You know what, why don’t you live with Ryan for a week and when you experience it, when you feel your sanity slowly slipping, when you feel like it’s all ending soon, then you can judge me!”

Sam and Amy stared at me in shock as I got out my blow dryer to dry my hair. I expected them to get mad or yell at me. But I wasn’t getting anything from them. Just silence.

I sighed and walked away to search for an outlet to plug my blow dryer into. When I found one, I went about my business, drying my hair, flat ironing my hair, the works.

When I went to go find my flower bouquet, I ran into Zakk, who was trying to find Josh.

“Jordan…” Zakk whispered softly as he took a look at me.

Zakk

Josh had gone outside to smoke and the ceremony was about to start. If all of us had to suffer through this, he did too. I ran into Jordan on my way to find him.

“Jordan…” I whispered softly. Although the dress was ugly, she made it look nice. Despite everything, she was still beautiful.

She stared at me, then she just walked away. I turned and walked back to my seat to see Josh already there.

“This isn’t happening to me…” I sighed as I sat down. Josh looked at me and raised his eyebrow at me.

“This can’t be happening to me.” I added.

“What’s your deal?” Josh asked.

“She didn’t say a word. Just walked away…” I responded as the doors opened. We all stood up and watched everyone walk down the aisle. Jordan seemed to have this glow that no one seemed to notice but me. She walked slowly down the aisle with her dad and I became angry at her dad for being so oblivious.

My body went numb as soon as we sat down to listen to the “I do” and the “you may now kiss the bride” business. But when it came time for her to say “I do” there was a spark of hope in all of us.

“I…I uh…” she said softly. I clenched my fists, waiting for her to run out or say “I don’t.”

“I…I…um…I…” she said again, avoiding the irritated stare of Ryan.

“I do…” she said, almost in a whimpering way.

It was everything in all of us to not groan and rip Ryan’s head off. It definitely took all of our effort. I had to dig my nails into my legs to keep from doing something stupid.

During the reception, I sat there, not taking my eye off of Jordan, who was pretty much sitting alone. I looked at Ryan, who wasn’t even sitting with his own wife and my legs forced me to stand up and walk over to him.

“What is it Zakk?” he asked indifferently.

“You were the first to say, that we weren‘t ok.” I said calmly. He stared at me, not showing any interest.

“You were the first to lie, when we weren‘t alright,” I stopped and looked away, “She was my first love.”

Ryan stared at me for another moment, then smirked, “like I care about you, or Jordan. Or any of these people.”

That was where I drew the line. I couldn’t sit here and watch this train wreck. I stormed out of there without another care in the world.

Jordan

I saw Zakk and Ryan talking, although I couldn’t hear them. As soon as they finished their little conversation, Zakk just stormed out. My eyes darted from Zakk to Ryan, whose back was turned. I snuck away to see what Zakk was up to.

“Zakk where are you going?” I asked softly.

“I‘ll be the first to say, that now I‘m ok. And for the first time, I‘ve opened up my eyes,” he said, “You were my worst love.”

I opened my mouth to respond but he turned around and grabbed my shoulders gently, “and when he leaves you for dead, you‘ll have to go through it without me.”

Before I could argue, he kissed me. It lasted awhile, but it felt like a good-bye kiss. And that’s exactly what it was. Without another word, he walked away. I didn’t even bother arguing.

I blew it…again.