Love Song

Jordan
Two years later
Age:21

For most people, the definition of married life is being with the person you love forever. For others, it’s choosing the wrong person, and in the end, realizing they were better off friends and splitting up, but stay best friends.

But for me…my definition of married life was getting beaten with a nice ten minute horror show practically every day for no reason until the day I die or I kill him. Whichever comes first.

The worst part is, I’d lived with this for two years and he hasn’t ever been nice to me. The nicest thing he’s done for me was my birthday about a month ago on my twenty-first birthday. He tortured me for nine minutes instead of ten. That’s good right?

I didn’t think so either.

It’s amazing how Ryan can do horrible things to me 100 times, but the 101st time, something bad happens to me.

It was a strange flashback from when I was seventeen…Pregnant and freaked out beyond belief. Except it was so much more acceptable for those who were unaware of my situation. It was easy to make the decision when I was seventeen. I wasn’t ready, having the baby would’ve been a mistake, I was a kid, decision made. Not that Ryan was pleased with me, but for once I didn’t care.

“Jordan, you’re not a kid anymore. You’re not killing a poor innocent child again,” he said when I told him.

Ryan of all people should not tell me to spare the life of an innocent.

But of course, I backed down. “I suppose you’re right.”

I wasn’t happy about letting my child be born into my world. But I already knew that if it came out a girl, I would name her after my sister, Aria.

Josh was enraged when I told him. Sam was just as angry as Josh was…and Amy…well she was too calm for comfort about it.

I never told Zakk. I tried but we hadn’t spoken in two years. Although we had to get started on the whole album, because if you forgot, Josh, Zakk, Harrison, and I are still in a beyond famous band and thankfully, not on the A-list, which means the media doesn’t pester me or Zakk, or Harrison, or Josh.

There were a few good things about this baby. It was making things a bit easier. I think this baby could fill the missing pieces that Zakk and Aria left. So maybe I could hold my sanity together a little. I also realized that pot wasn’t going to solve my problems, just make them worse.

Still, I will never find a bright side to being sick all the time.

Sam and Josh had come to visit while Ryan was at work. They came in and sat down across from me.

“I just can’t believe this.” Sam said softly.

“This would be more cheerful if, oh I don’t know, you were older, wiser, and if the father wasn’t some abusive borderline pedophile,” Josh grumbled.

“Yes Josh, I know.” I scoffed.

“Doesn’t seem like you do,” Josh replied as he folded his arms across his chest.

“Josh that’s enough!” I snapped. Josh stood up as he put his hand in his pocket.

“I’m gonna go outside.” he mumbled as he walked out to my backyard, taking out a cigarette as he did.

I slumped down on the couch and narrowed my eyes at her with my arms folded across my chest.

“What?” Sam said.

“I was expecting more from you,” I said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I was expecting judgment, some yelling, some arguing,” I replied.

“You want us to be mad at each other?” Sam said.

“No, of course not. I’m just saying, lately we’ve been mad at each other,” I sighed. We had an awkward pause and when Josh came back, he went along with the awkwardness.

“Well, I’m going home Jordan. Bye,” Sam said softly as she stood up to leave. I watched silently as she slowly walked out the front door.

I looked back at Josh, who was rubbing his eyes as he leaned back.

“Jordan…are you sure that you can’t just lie and say you had a miscarriage or something?” he said.

“You know I can’t,” I sighed.

“I know…” Josh groaned.

“Well maybe if we try to find some kind of bright side to this…” I said softly.

“Bright side? Where is this bright side you’re talking about because I sure as hell don’t see it!” Josh snapped, glaring at me. I looked down at my lap and sighed.

“I think I can hold on a little longer if I have this kid,” I whimpered.

I’d pretty much lost all my support. Zakk ditched me, Aria was dead, Tia was off in her own world, Josh was too busy with Erin and whatever else was going on in his life, Sam was sick and tired of my whole situation, and Amy was in San Francisco.

Josh’s expression softened and he had a look on his face that I rarely saw.

“If this kid can keep you from snapping and slaughtering Ryan…which would be nice…but that’s beside the point,” Josh said, chuckling a little.

“Yeah…it would,” I said, chuckling along with him. Josh stood up and kissed my forehead.

“And if I don’t consider who the father is, I’m happy for you,” Josh said softly with a smile.

“Thank you,” I whispered softly. Josh smiled at me once more before he turned around and walked out.

I sighed and suddenly felt pangs of doubt. This was supposed to be easy. Sam wasn’t supposed to walk out after a mini argument and Josh wasn’t supposed to be angry. Zakk wasn’t supposed to leave me behind.

And most of all, I was supposed to be happy.