Love Song

Amy

I was enjoying my first two years of college, I did my classes, got back to my dorm earlier than I ever got home in high school. Sean would be waiting for me, we’d hang out and talk.

Then Katie would pop in, knowing Sean was with me to say hi…in an annoying boyfriend-stealing way. But of course I was able to be mature and Sean easily ignored her advances, which made me happy.

“I think I should go visit Jordan,” I said to Sean when I came back from my classes.

“Why what happened?” he asked, as he took a sip of his coffee.

“She’s six months pregnant…” I said softly, which made Sean almost choke on his coffee.

“Six months pregnant?! Good god!” he said, coughing after every other word.

“I know, all she has is Josh, Tia, and Sam,” I mumbled.

“That’s bad?” Sean said, as he took another sip of his coffee to calm down his coughing.

“No, no of course not. It’s just Josh is very…outspoken…Tia is oblivious and Sam…well…Sam is trying too hard and it gets on Jordan’s nerves,” I explained. Sean nodded in agreement as he set his now empty paper cup down on my night stand.

“I’ll be back next week, unless you want to come with me,” I offered.

“Nah, I’ll take this time to, oh I don’t know, explore San Francisco. But tell Jordan I said hello,” Sean said warmly.

I was on the road the next morning at seven in the morning and got to Jordan’s house by three-thirty in the afternoon. I didn’t bother telling Jordan, so my arrival was a complete shock to her.

“Amy! What are you doing here?” she chuckled, “I thought you were living the college life.”

“Well you told me you were pregnant-”

“Six months ago,” Jordan laughed, interrupting me.

“Well, I’ve been busy with classes,” I said. Jordan wrapped me into a tight hug. A part of me wanted to just throw her in my car and get her the hell out of here. She’d have her baby and she’d divorce her stupid husband and she’d fall in love with Zakk again and live happily ever after.

If only it was that simple.

“Jordan, I heard a knock at the door,” I heard Ryan say. Jordan and I broke the hug and looked at Ryan, who was walking down the stairs. He looked at me as if I was worthless trash. I narrowed my eyes at him and Jordan backed away from us, sensing the tension.

“Amy is going to be staying with us for a few days,” Jordan announced. Ryan’s gaze went from me to her and his expression changed. He looked like he wanted to kill her.

“How lovely.” he grumbled, trying to sound nice.

“Can you um…show her to her room?” Jordan asked softly. Ryan rolled his eyes over to me and the look on his face that sent fear down my spine, which gave me goosebumps. It made me almost understand where Jordan was coming from.

Ryan gestured for me to follow him upstairs and I hesitantly followed, within a safe distance. He opened the door and moved so he stood next to the doorway. I tightened my grip on the straps of my bag as I slowly walked in, trying to keep a close eye on Ryan. I set the bag down on my plain white bed and turned to face him.

“Thank you,” I said blandly.

“No problem,” he said, rolling his eyes as he turned to leave. Jordan was on her way upstairs as he headed downstairs. She moved so he could go downstairs, but apparently, she didn’t move far enough because he rammed right into her without apologizing. If I hadn’t gone over to help her, she probably would’ve fallen down the stairs.

“What a jerk,” I said as we walked into the guest room.

“It was an accident…” she mumbled softly as she slowly sat down on my bed.

“Didn’t look like one,” I argued.

“Can we change the subject now please.” she snapped, putting her hand on her round pregnant belly.

I sighed, trying to find something to say. Jordan sighed with me and bit her bottom lip.

“So…is that kid a boy or a girl?” I asked.

“I wanted to keep it a surprise,” she said softly.

“I bet your little husband is ready to kill you for that,” I scoffed.

“Amy…” Jordan grumbled.

“Sorry, continue,” I said.

“Ryan agreed with me for your information,” she said.

“Well there’s a first.” I chuckled. Jordan narrowed her eyes at me, letting me know she wasn’t amused.

“Right, sorry,” I said, clearing my throat.

The entire week that I was there, everything ran smoothly and everything was normal. Ryan did things to Jordan that were…sweet. When we sat down to watch TV, he had his arm around her and rubbed her belly with his free hand. And during commercials, I heard him talking to the baby like a good dad would.

Through the entire week of Ryan being sweet to her, she would randomly glance over at me, like she had no clue what was going on either.

“I hate to leave so soon Jordan, but I already missed a week of classes and I don’t want to flunk out of college,” I laughed that warm end-of-summer evening.

“It’s fine, you have school. Ryan and I are going to be pretty busy this week as well,” she said as she picked up the plates we had just finished using for dinner. Ryan sat on his recliner chair, watching our conversation in silence, like he was waiting for the moment I’d be leaving.

I felt uncomfortable as I felt Ryan’s stare burn right through me, it was almost painful. I quickly stood up and followed Jordan into the kitchen. Jordan was standing at her sink, washing dishes with earplugs in her ears, so she didn’t hear me come in.

I watched her and I felt so incredibly sad. There would be times like this where I’d be here with her and Ryan would lead this façade, but then I would have to leave eventually and this would just start over again.

My eyes lowered to her stomach and I felt a lump in my throat. She was bringing a child into the world that shouldn’t be coming this way. This child was going to witness a lot of crap and Ryan was going to mess this child up psychologically.

Jordan turned her head and pulled her ipod out of her pocket.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked as she put her music on pause.

“Uh…um…nothing. I just…wanted to help you,” I said softly, wiping the small tears that had dotted the corners of my eyes.

It was close to impossible to fall asleep that night. I got maybe two hours of sleep, at the most. I woke up at five and got ready to leave. As I walked quietly towards the stairs, I noticed Jordan’s door was open. I poked my head in just to see her one more time.

It was dark, but I could still see the new black eye she’d gotten. I stepped back slowly, actually feeling surprised. He must’ve done it during the two hour period that I was sleeping.

Disgusted, I made my way down the stairs to the front door. I opened the door and turned to look at Jordan’s bedroom again. I knew things were just going to get worse, but who knew if they were going to get better.

It was a long, tiring drive back, but luckily, I was back before two. I’d texted Sean at noon telling him that I’d be there in an hour, and he texted me back that he’d been waiting in my dorm all day for me, which made my heart skip a beat.

I pulled up to the parking lot and got out of my car, feeling glad to be back, it felt so tense at Jordan’s even though Ryan was being “sweet” to her. I grabbed my bags and quickly headed for my dorm. I was happy that my dorm was on the first floor, so I wouldn’t have to climb stairs or stand in small spaces with tons of people.

I saw the back of Sean’s head in my dorm window, which was open. I was about to yell his name when I saw Katie moving closer to him until she was on his lap. She was looking as slutty as ever, maybe even sluttier. I don’t know why I didn’t yell his name anyway, I was just too stunned to do anything.

She pressed her lips to his and it felt like someone punched me in the heart. It felt like I was seeing Audrey and Peter, but I wasn’t. I was seeing Sean. The guy who brightened my low spirits. The guy who made me forget my heart ache.

“Sean!” I screamed, tears gathering in my eyes. Sean turned around to see me, which made him practically throw Katie to the floor.

“Amy!” he called back. I shook my head, covering my teary eyes with my hands as I turned and ran away, leaving my bags behind, not caring if someone stole my stuff.

I came back to my dorm a few hours later, relieved to see that my things were untouched. I picked up my bags and slowly walked to my room, feeling worn out. Katie was standing in the hallway, her back against the wall.

“Hey Amy,” she said. I could feel the venom that was spilled all over the words she said.

“Go away Katie,” I snarled. She stayed silent but still gave me a cocky smile as I walked past her. I didn’t want to think about Sean or Katie anymore. If he hadn’t done this to me, he would’ve done it to someone else, so I guess I can feel closure on that right?

I didn’t think so either.