Love Song

Jordan

The week that Amy spent at my house made Ryan the complete opposite of what he really was. It added to my knowledge that my marriage wasn’t real. That this baby wasn’t supposed to exist, at least not now. But the night Amy left, Ryan left me with a black eye. And I knew that Amy saw it.

Although that entire week was nice and almost pain free, I was still stressed out of my mind. Nothing was going to erase the constant stress I was experiencing. A few hours after Ryan had hit me, I was feeling pain that I’d never had before and I knew what it was, but I didn’t think it would happen now.

I wasn’t about to tell Ryan that I went into labor prematurely. Luckily, Ryan left for work early, which was the perfect excuse to “sleep in.”

At first, the pain wasn’t that bad. Some slight discomfort, but I kept thinking This isn’t bad at all, I can get through this fine.

But in the next few hours it got worse and it got to a point where laying down made it worse. Eventually, it was getting too bad to deal with, so I called Josh.

“Hello?” he said and I knew by the sound of his voice that my call woke him up. He could sleep until four o’clock in the afternoon unless someone woke him up.

“Josh, I really need you right now,” I whimpered, clenching my fists.

“What’s wrong?” Josh asked, sounding more alert.

“I can’t explain now, just please, come and get me and get me to the hospital.” I said softly.

Josh liked to act all tough and manly. But if Tia or me or Aria ever needed something from him, he dropped everything just to help us. Even though Aria was older than him, she always thought of him as her big brother and that never bugged her that Josh treated her like a little sister, because she never thought of it as a bad thing.

I quickly found some clothes to wear before Josh got to my house. I threw on a random t-shirt and some jeans and was trying to bend over to grab my flip flops when Josh burst through the front door.

“Jordan, here let me,” he said as he sat me down on my stairs and put my sandals on my feet. He stood me up and gently walked me out to his car. I watched him as he opened the passenger door, got me in, and shut the door. He seemed so out of it, like he wasn’t in his body controlling his movements.

“Josh, calm down, I’m sorry I scared you,” I said softly as he got into the driver’s seat.

“Jordan, you’re six months pregnant and you’re going into labor. Are you saying I’m supposed to be calm?” he snapped.

“Well you think I’m not scared?! This is my child, I’m scared to death! But I’m trying to stay calm and think positively!” I shot back. Josh stayed silent and kept his eyes on the road. I turned and pressed my forehead against the window, trying to fight against the immense pain.

I hated the nightie they made me wear that didn’t close up in the back and I hated the fact that I wasn’t getting any pain killers until they drew some blood.

“Want me to call Sam or Amy or Tia or Zakk?” Josh asked. I nodded, not caring to notice that he said Zakk. I hadn’t really spoken to Zakk in two years since the wedding. I missed him but he decided to cut me out of his life again so I wasn’t going to fight it anymore.

I looked out the window of my hospital room to see the beginning of rainfall. It was an extremely cold February afternoon. Everything looked gray and sad.

Josh came in a few minutes later putting his cell phone in his back pocket.

“I called Sam and Tia, they’ll be here shortly. Zakk’s phone went to voicemail and Amy said she’s on her way, she’ll be here around seven or eight,” he explained. I nodded, not really paying attention to what he was saying.

Sam and Tia came a few minutes later and I couldn’t have been happier. A second after they walked in, the doctor came in.

“Hi Jordan,” he said as he looked at his clipboard.

“So, can you tell us why she’s having this kid so early? She doesn’t have any medical conditions, at least none that I know of,” Josh said.

“Well, there isn’t anything wrong with her. But another thing that can trigger early labor is psychological stress,” the doctor explained. We all had the same look on our faces because that made perfect sense.

“So, we’re going to prep you for your cesarean, ok Jordan?” he said.

“Wait a second. A C-section?” I squeaked.

“Why?!” Josh demanded.

“This child is only twenty four weeks along, her heart rate is concerning.” he explained.

“Her?” I said softly. Sam, Tia, and Josh all exchanged looks, then looked at me.

“Oh, goodness I’m sorry, I was aware that you wanted to wait until the baby was born,” the doctor said softly.

“No, no. It’s fine,” I said, suddenly seeing a bright side to the whole ordeal.

I stayed in my bed for a few more hours before they gutted me like a fish. When they got her out, I saw her for half a second before they took her away from me. She looked so weird, and that’s a terrible thing to say, but her skin looked almost see through and she didn’t look any bigger than a Barbie doll.

When they stitched me up and wheeled me back to my room, I noticed Josh, Sam, and Tia waiting for me. But no Zakk.

“Did Zakk ever call you?” I asked Josh.

“He did. He said he was on his way,” Josh replied, “that was about the time they took you.”

“How is the baby?” Sam asked, picking nervously at her fingernails.

“I don’t know, they took her away from me,” I answered softly. After I spoke, the doctor came in again.

“Is she ok?” I asked.

“Not really. Since she’s premature, she’s having troubles breathing on her own, and her heart rate hasn’t gone up.” the doctor explained, “I think the best thing you can do right now is rest.”

He left leaving Josh, Sam, Tia, and I in complete silence. Like the doctor said, I dozed off but when I opened my eyes I wasn’t in my bed and Aria was standing in front of me. She gave me a warm smile and I knew I was dreaming.

I stood up and smiled back at her. She looked away and sighed, “watching you sleep for so long…knowing that I can’t turn the rain into sun anymore…”

“I’ve given you all that I have,” Aria added softly, “now I stand here too scared to hold your hand,”

“Afraid you might wake…” she said softly, looking back at me. When her eyes met mine, she shoved memories into my head that I didn’t want to relive. But I knew she didn’t want to relive them either. The memories finally stopped and she was standing in front of me again.

“Under the ash and the lies,” she said as she walked towards me and tucked my hair behind my ear, “something beautiful, once here, now dies,”

“And the tears burn my eyes…” I answered,

“As you sit there all alone, I just wanna come home.” she said, closing her eyes to block the tears. She opened her eyes and looked at me, but this time, I didn’t have any flashbacks.

“Jordan, I know that deep inside your heart, you want to give up and just die. But you have to hang on. For your daughter. She’s going to make it. She’s a fighter, just like you…” she said softly. Even though this was all just a dream, I could feel the tears roll down my face.

“Jordan, please don’t cry…please…” she whimpered.

She fell to her knees and started sobbing, “I‘m sorry…I‘m sorry…I‘m sorry…I‘m sorry…”

“Aria…why did you have to leave me?“ I said, wiping my eyes with my palms.

“Jordan, you are everything to me. This is why I have to leave. So sleep well, my angel.” she said, standing up and kissing my forehead.

Sleep well……my angel… she faded away and I suddenly remembered she used to sing that to me when we were kids. Those were the last things I would hear her say…ever.

I shot up in my hospital bed with all eyes on me.

“Jordan…why are you crying?” Tia asked.

“Did you have a bad dream?” Sam added.

“No…I uh…” I was interrupted by a bunch of paramedics rushing someone on a gurney.

“What’s going on?” Tia asked. Josh shrugged and walked out into the hall, it was loud because of everyone yelling but we could hear everything.

“What’s going on?” Josh asked.

“There was a car accident. The guy is seriously injured. Almost every bone in his body is broken,” the doctor explained.

“Doctor, what is the patient’s name?” we heard someone else say.

“Zakk Grant,”