Love Song

Jordan

I was awoken by Ryan gently shaking my shoulder. Instinctively, I screamed and swatted at him, almost falling off of my bed.

“Jordan!” he exclaimed, grabbing onto my arms. I breathed heavily, but kept myself tense and cautious.

“What is it?” I leaned over and looked at the clock, “it’s only 7:30, is everything ok? Did something happen to Aria?”

“Everything is fine,” Ryan said softly. I sat up and said slowly, “is Aria ok?”

“Yes, yes Aria is fine,” he said quickly, “I thought we’d go visit her today, that’s why I woke you up so early. Do you want something to eat before we go?”

“No, I’ll get something at the hospital,” I said, getting out of bed and strategically moving around him to get to my closet. Ryan grabbed my arm and I turned quickly, feeling so small compared to him.

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Fine,” I said hurriedly, pulling my arm away and walking into my closet, shutting it behind me. I couldn’t quite catch my breath and my heart was racing. This was causing me too much anxiety. I could die from this. I quickly changed my clothes. I ran my fingers over the cross Ryan forced me to wear. It wasn’t even a nice one. The little jewels encrusted on it were falling off. I sighed as I shoved my feet into my boots. I came out of the closet and he was still standing in the same spot looking for me. I forced a smile as I grabbed my shoulder bag and followed him out to the car. The drive there was quiet and uncomfortable. Mostly for me, he was totally fine.

I wanted to pick Aria up and hold her in my arms, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She was like a porcelain doll, like she’d break if I even touched her. She seemed to know me though, which brought tears to my eyes. She recognized me when I’d sit down next to her. I would try to say something but I couldn’t form words in my brain.

“She’ll be alright,” Ryan said after awhile, “Come on. You said you’d eat something here.”
“I’m not hungry,” I mumbled. He grabbed my arm anyway and led me down the hall into the cafeteria. He sat me down at a table in the corner.
“I’ll get you something small,” he said, getting a little exasperated with me, “Would a muffin be acceptable?”
“That’d be fine,” I said softly. He walked away and I rested my head on my arm, staring at a dried piece of food stuck to the table. It was making me sick but my eyes wouldn’t move away from it. Eventually, I heard someone sit down in front of me and I sat up, expecting Ryan. But it was Zakk instead.

“What are you doing up?” I asked.

“The doctors said I should get up and walk around,” Zakk said, putting his crutches down on the table, “How is Aria doing?”

“Same as usual,” I sighed, “Is she going to get any better?”

“She was born premature,” he said, “You were only six months when you gave birth to her. There are things that haven’t finished developing yet. It’s gonna take some time. But she’ll get there.”

He patted my hand and for once I felt warmth and affection. I reluctantly moved my hand away and gestured to Ryan, who was at the other side of the cafeteria, looking around for a muffin. Zakk scoffed, “When are you going to leave that man?”

“I can’t…” I mumbled.

“So you’re just gonna sit there for the next ten or twenty years while he knocks you around and then violates your body?!” Zakk snapped. I grabbed his hand and gave him a warning look, shushing him, “No Jordan I’m not going to be quiet about this. How long until you walk away from him? You had everything. You had a music career that was actually going somewhere and you had your friends and your family. You’re slowly losing all of that.”

“Not the music part,” I said defensively, “Once you’re healed up we’re starting that up again.”

“You say that but how can I believe it’ll actually happen?” Zakk replied, “Ryan could get you to jump off a bridge if he wanted to and I’m surprised he hasn’t!”

I squeezed his hand, digging my nails into his skin and smiled up at Ryan, who was making his way towards us. Zakk yanked his hand away and got up off the table, grabbing his crutches, “It’s nice to see you again Ryan.”

“And you as well Zakk,” Ryan mumbled graciously.

Zakk smiled and nodded at me, “I’ll see you later Jordan.”

“Yeah…bye…” I mumbled. Ryan watched Zakk leave and wouldn’t sit down until Zakk was gone. He handed me my muffin and I ate it obediently. My stomach was in knots and it was stupid to force myself to eat at the moment. I stopped halfway and wrapped it up in the napkin he gave me, “I’ll eat the rest a little later. I’m not feeling too well right now.”

“Oh…alright then,” Ryan said slowly. We went back to see Aria for a little while longer before Ryan took us back home. It was the late afternoon and my energy was completely drained. I just wanted to take a nap before I had to start on dinner. I fell down onto the couch and tried falling asleep. I dozed off for a little while until Ryan woke me up again.

“What is it?” I asked groggily.

“Nothing,” he said softly. He kissed my cheek and I let him because I was too tired to move. He kissed my lips and I buried my face into my pillow. He didn’t like that very much and he moved me so I’d lie completely on my back. He climbed on top of me and kissed me again more forcefully. My protests were muffled underneath his lips. I felt his fingers unbutton my jeans and try pulling my shirt up. He finally moved his lips down to my neck and I attempted to shove him.

“We can’t do this,” I whimpered, “I haven’t healed yet. Please…”

He ignored me and continued. I fidgeted and squirmed at his touch and I eventually found the strength to get him off of me. I shoved him to the ground and sat up, hugging my knees to my chest. His eyes burned with rage and he immediately stood up and slapped me across the face. I covered my face with my pillow and cried quietly into it. He grumbled under his breath as he went up the stairs, slamming the bedroom door behind him.