Love Song

Jordan

Saturday, April 27

All of us wanted to hurry up and finish recording so we could start preparing to release the newest album. We had a lot to do and we needed to get as much done as we could before Amy’s wedding. At that point we would have to wait another two weeks for her to return from her honeymoon. We had to expose ourselves all over again since we’d been on hiatus since I’d gotten married. Years of being gone made some forget about us. It was like starting over from square one. This next month would be unbelievably busy. And since Ryan still worked as a teacher, we couldn’t really do much during the week. Our schedule revolved around him and Aria now.

“Josh, why in the hell are you so late?” Zakk snapped when Josh entered the studio, “You do realize we’ve got shit to do, don’t you?”

Josh replied without looking at him as he opened his case and pulled out his bass, “I’m here aren’t I? Besides, you’ve been known to show up late a dozen times before. Get off my ass.”

“Josh what’s your problem?” I asked.

“Well shit, I haven’t even been here five seconds and he’s up my ass,” Josh shot back, “Now drop it and let’s get started.”

“Why were you late anyway?” Harrison asked. When we went on hiatus, Harrison kind of disappeared. He had decided to just take some time for himself. We had visited all kinds of different states while on tour a few years ago but he had gone farther and had traveled to Europe and stayed in different places for months at a time. He had been staying in Italy when we called and asked him if he wanted to come together again to start working on another album. He had jumped at the chance and he packed up his stuff and came back to California. With my hectic life, I hadn’t realized how much I missed the guy.

“I made a stop before I came here,” Josh replied. Just as we were going to ask where he stopped, Amy came in, “Sorry I’m late you guys. I was asking Sean about something for the wedding and it turned into a big long conversation. But I’m here now!”

Harrison and Zakk didn’t question anything but I couldn’t help but get a feeling something was going on. But I wasn’t going to say anything in front of Zakk and Harrison. I would wait until I got Amy alone before I asked her anything.

Halfway through, we all stopped for a quick break. Amy stepped outside, saying she had to call Sean because she said she would. I followed her and leaned against the wall with my arms crossed. She stared at me with a confused frown while she waited for Sean to answer. She had a quick chat with Sean, said she loved him and then hung up, “What’s the matter?”

“You know, Zakk and Harrison didn’t suspect anything because they don’t know about what happened last week,” I mumbled. Amy played with the flower charm that hung on her phone and wouldn’t make eye contact no matter how much I moved to force her to look at me, “But I can’t say I would trust you if you said nothing was going on.”

Amy pushed all her hair back and sighed heavily, “I know Jordan. I fucked up ok?”

I glared at her and took a step towards her, “What did you do Amy?”

She didn’t even have to answer that question. I didn’t even need to ask it. I already knew what they had done but I wanted her to say it just to watch her squirm, “I, I, I slept with Josh ok? You happy?”

“Not particularly,” I grumbled, “How could you do that to Sean? And continue to do this to him for that matter. The reason why you two were late just became clear.”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen,” Amy said, “I swear it’ll never happen again.”

“You had given me the impression that nothing would come from your kiss but that apparently wasn’t true so how can I believe you?” I said. Amy paused and suddenly started aiming daggers at me.

“It’s easy to sit on a pedestal and judge other people Jordan,” she said, “It allows you to avoid looking into your own problems. I messed up but so have you Jordan. I may end up hurting Sean, but you’ve been hurting everyone else. You stay with a man who beats the shit out of you when there’s an easy way out and then you bring another person into the mess and she’s gonna end up getting hurt because of you too Jordan. Anything I do could never compare to things you do.”

Amy headed back inside while I stood there in shock trying to keep myself calm. I’d become good at faking emotions. It helped me avoid beatings, it would help me avoid being asked questions I didn’t want to answer. I already knew I had automatically put Aria in danger when I gave birth to her but I didn’t need Amy reminding me. I didn’t need anyone reminding me.

We continued with the session and got more done than we had expected and I left without really saying good-bye to anyone. I had told Ryan I’d be home at a certain time and at this rate I’d be early but I couldn’t waste time saying good-bye. When I left, Harrison, Zakk, Josh, and Amy were all standing outside talking and I knew if I got involved in the conversation, I’d end up late. Ryan had been in such a great mood for the past week, I wanted to keep it going.

When I came in, Ryan was on the floor changing Aria’s diaper. He looked at me over his shoulder and gave me a smile, “You’re home early.”

“We finished a little early so I came home,” I said, hanging my purse up on the coat rack, “How was your day?”

Ryan buttoned up Aria’s little shorts and lifted her up and handed her to me, “It was quiet. I’m glad you’re home early. I thought we could go out to dinner.”

“Well I’ve been defrosting some Cornish hens in the kitchen,” I said. Ryan’s face fell a bit and his brows lowered.

“You can put them back and just defrost them again, can’t you?” Ryan replied, “I was trying to be nice Jordan. I thought you would like a night out with your family.”

“It was sweet of you Ryan. I just-”

Before I could finish my sentence, Ryan interrupted me with a slap to the face. Normally, he would hit me so hard I’d fall down. He was showing me mercy because I had Aria in my arms. He ripped Aria away from me, the tension and force making Aria start to fuss, “Nevermind Jordan. Forget I said a damn thing.”

Ryan headed up the stairs with Aria, who was starting to whimper. I followed Ryan up the stairs, reaching out to grab his shoulder. Before I could grab him, he turned and shoved me away. I tried grabbing onto the railing but I was falling too fast and couldn’t regain my balance in time. I rolled down the staircase that luckily was carpeted but still hurt like a bitch. My body ached too much to get up right away so I just laid on my stomach while Aria’s whimpers turned into loud cries. I wanted so badly to get up and soothe her but I just didn’t have the strength.