Love Song

Jordan

Thursday, August 14

Once I got into my six month of pregnancy, I started getting nervous. This was around the time I had given birth to Aria and I didn’t want another premature birth. In my sixth month of pregnancy, Zakk had gotten into his car accident. I hadn’t seen him since we’d finished our tour. He had simply disappeared. I’d invited him to Aria’s second birthday party but he had never shown up. I’d been calling him for months but he rarely ever answered me. He didn’t even know about the new baby. Once I got to the six month mark, I suddenly became worried for Zakk.

“So, where are you going today?” Ryan asked as I leaned over to pour his coffee.

“I was gonna take Aria and visit Zakk,” I explained. Aria sat in her little chair and at the mention of Zakk, her brown eyes lit up and she dropped her spoon into her bowl of cereal.

“Zakk!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands. Ryan gave Aria a sharp look and she slowly quieted down and went back to eating her breakfast. I stood behind her and smoothed her brown hair back but she kept her head down.

“It’s just that I haven’t seen him since our tour and I wanted to make sure he was ok,” I said, “I won’t be gone too long.”

“Good,” he said, “I want you home in time to make dinner. I don’t like you hanging around him.”

I would’ve questioned him but I was being extra nice to him, especially now. I did not want to have a premature birth again and I think Ryan knew that but was just waiting for the right moment to use that knowledge against me.

“I will don’t worry,” I said, “I just wanna see that he’s ok and catch up a bit.”

Aria clapped excitedly when we pulled up to Zakk’s driveway and was fidgeting in her car seat, leaning to the side so she could see Zakk’s front porch. I found myself grinning as I got out of my car and then unbuckled her car seat to get her out. I held Aria at my hip as I walked up to Zakk’s front door. I rang the doorbell and got no answer. I frowned as I rang it again. This time, someone did answer the door but it wasn’t Zakk. It was some red headed woman with a black robe that went down to her knees but that was all she had on. She raised her eyebrow at me and put her hand on her hip, “You’re Jordan, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, “Who are you?”

“I’m Holly,” she answered, looking at me up and down, then looked at Aria, then at my belly, “I’m Zakk’s girlfriend.”

“Zakk’s girlfriend,” I said with a nod, “He didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend. Is he home right now?”

Holly nodded but didn’t add anything. I rolled my eyes and sighed, “Can I come in and see him, please?”

“I don’t know,” Holly said, “He just woke up. He might not want uh, visitors.”

“Jordan!” Zakk popped up behind Holly and gave me a smile that reached his brown eyes, “You brought Aria!”

“Zakk!” Aria opened her arms and Zakk shoved past Holly to take Aria into his arms. He gave her a few kisses on her little cheek and she wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, pressing her face against his. Holly stepped back as I came into the house and she stomped up Zakk’s staircase.

“You didn’t mention a girlfriend,” I said, shutting the door behind me.

“Oh, yeah, we’re not really all that serious,” he replied, bouncing Aria on his hip, which made Aria giggle. His eyes moved down to my belly and his smile fell, “You didn’t mention you were pregnant again.”

I put my hands on my round stomach and avoided his gaze, “Yeah. I’ve tried calling you but you barely ever answer. And when you did, you kept nodding off on me. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

Zakk sat down on his recliner chair and put Aria on his lap, “I’ve just been exhausted lately. I’ve been totally fine.”

“I just wanted to be sure,” I said as I took a seat on his sofa next to his chair, “I also wanted to catch up a bit. But if you’re gonna be busy with your girlfriend, I can leave.”

“No, no, no!” Zakk exclaimed, holding his hand up, “I love seeing you and Aria. Holly can live with it.”

Just as he said that, Holly came downstairs fully dressed with an overnight bag over her shoulder, “I’m going to work Zakk so you can spend the afternoon with your little friend and her kid.”

Zakk waved to her without even looking at her and she walked out, the door slamming a little when she did. Aria stared at the door, her smile suddenly falling just like it had this morning with Ryan. Zakk smiled down at her and tickled her sides and she started giggling again.

“She sounded happy,” I chuckled and Zakk scoffed, rolling his eyes as Holly’s car started and drove away.

“Whatever,” Zakk said, “She gets jealous over every pretty girl that I talk to.”

I coughed and stood up so Zakk wouldn’t see my burning cheeks, “I’m gonna use the bathroom.”

Zakk nodded and then turned Aria around on his lap so she’d face him and she immediately started talking and Zakk seemed like he was actually listening to her and laughing at her hand gestures. I went into the bathroom and as I used the toilet, I noticed bottles of painkillers next to the sink. I picked one of them up and looked at the directions. I remember him with the painkillers two years ago after his accident but I found it hard to believe he would still need them.

I came out of the bathroom with the bottles in my hands and found Zakk with his head leaned back in his chair, asleep with Aria in his lap, looking from him to me in confusion, “He fell asleep.”

Zakk lifted his head and started talking to Aria as if he hadn’t just fallen asleep on her, just as he did during those rare moments when we talked on the phone. He would just fall asleep and then start talking again like it didn’t happen. He turned to me and his brows lowered when his eyes found the painkillers in my hands, “Why do you still have these pills? It’s been two years since the accident.”

“The pain hasn’t really gone away,” Zakk muttered, “I still need those pills and…” he trailed off as he scratched his arms and I put my hands on my hips and raised my brow.

“Zakk! I don’t think you do,” I said, wanting to raise my voice but not wanting to scare Aria.

“I do! Those are prescription,” Zakk countered, “I promise you Jordan, I’m not taking pills I don’t need. Don’t you believe me?”

I looked at the bottles and then I looked back at him, “I…I…I guess so.”

Zakk stood up with Aria in his arms and he hugged me with one arm, “I promise Jordan. I would never do something to worry you like that, ok?”

“I know you wouldn’t,” I mumbled, resting my chin on his shoulder, still not reassured, “What do I know about being in a car accident anyway? I don’t know how long the pain lasts.”

Zakk let our embrace linger for a moment longer than normal and squeezed me tight. He broke our hug and took a small step back and put his hand on my belly, “I forgot to mention congratulations on the baby.”

I smiled warmly and then Zakk suddenly jumped, staring at my stomach intensely, “What? What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” he said, “I just felt your baby kick.”

Zakk got down on his knees and grabbed Aria’s little hand and put it on my stomach, “Look Aria, that’s your brother or sister. Can you feel it?”

Tears welled up in my eyes as Aria smiled and nodded, “I’m gonna be a big sister! When’s it gonna come?!”

“Not until December sweetness,” I said softly, “It’ll be here before you know it.”

Zakk got back onto his feet and I reluctantly took Aria away from him, “Well, we’ve gotta be heading back home to Daddy now.”

Aria’s smile fell and she looked back at Zakk, “No! I don’t wanna! I wanna stay here!”

“I-I’m sorry,” I said with a shaky breath, “We’ll come back to visit Zakk again, right?”

Aria was unsatisfied with that and her face scrunched up and turned red as she started to cry uncontrollably, “I want him to be my new daddy!”

I held the back of Aria’s head and pressed her cheek against mine as I started crying along with her, “I’m sorry Aria. I’m so sorry.”

Zakk hugged the two of us once more and kissed my cheek, “You two can visit me whenever you want to. I’ve always got time for you guys. And when the baby is born, I’ll have time for him or her.”

Aria peeked out from underneath my hair and sniffled wiping her wet cheeks with the back of her hand and gave him a small nod but then buried her face back into my neck. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and gave Zakk a smile that couldn’t reach my eyes, “I’ll see you soon Zakk.”

“Of course,” he said. He walked me out to my car but once we got outside, Aria refused to let me put her into her car seat. She kept trying to crawl over my shoulder to get to Zakk.

“Aria!” I snapped but she wasn’t stopping and she was about to fall right out of my arms. Zakk finally took her and I moved to the side as he leaned over to buckle Aria into her car seat.

“Don’t give your mom such a hard time,” he said softly, tucking her hair behind her ear, “She’s done a lot for you, ya know. I’ll see you again Aria. I promise.”

“No!” she shot back, grabbing his face with her little hands, “I want you to be my daddy!”

“What does Daddy do that you don’t like?” Zakk asked.

“He’s mean,” she mumbled almost incoherently, “Mommy cries a lot. I don’t like it.”

Zakk turned his head and looked at me over his shoulder. I stood there with my arms crossed and my lips pressed together trying to hold back tears. Aria was starting to get to that age where she was even more aware of what was going on around her. He turned back to Aria and wiped the tears off her cheeks with his thumbs, “It’ll only be a matter of time before you’ll be out of the house. But you’ll always have me, Aria.”

Aria nodded and wiped her nose and Zakk stood up straight to stand with me as he shut the backdoor, “How long do you intend to stay with Ryan?”

“I feel like I’m just stuck at this point,” I said, “I’m just too scared to leave. I’m more scared to leave him than I am of staying with him.”

“Well I think Aria is more scared of staying, Jordan,” Zakk replied sternly, “And eventually, this baby is gonna be more scared of staying. This isn’t about you anymore.”

I looked deep into his brown eyes without saying anything to him. His pupils seemed smaller than they’re supposed to be and I looked down and watched him scratch his arm again, “I know.”

Zakk gave me one last hug, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and I felt his hand grab the back of my head. It was the hardest thing in the world to move away from him, get into my car, and drive off. As we backed out of Zakk’s driveway, Aria started to whimper again when she saw Zakk waving good-bye.