Status: I started this story years ago when I was young and I'm too far now to start over. So bear with me hahaha! I added some inside jokes I should not have added. I apologize in advance hahaha!
Love Song
Chapter 61: I want to live but I don't belong
Zakk
Saturday, November 29
After two days, Zakk was sent home. His parents had refused to let him go back to his own home and he was dragged to his parents’ home, despite his pleads and demands. They set up his old bedroom for him and told him repeatedly this would be best for him. He heard plans of rehab and he wanted no part of that. There was no reason for him to go to rehab, none at all. The first night he spent at his parents’ house, he couldn’t sleep. He just wanted his pills and he had no way of getting them. He writhed and groaned in his bed and ended up waking his parents up with his shouting, telling them he hated them and he wanted to go home. They however, ignored him and let him get out his aggressions.
The next day, Zakk refused to leave his bedroom to eat breakfast with his parents, no matter how many times they begged him to come down to eat. They did eventually bring his breakfast in a TV tray and left him to eat whenever he got hungry but he didn’t even touch it in the afternoon when his mother poked her head in, “Zakk, you have some visitors.”
“I don’t want visitors,” Zakk snapped. His mother opened the door anyway and Jordan came in with little Aria, who ran to him and climbed onto his bed to hug him. He found himself happy to see his two favorite girls and he pulled Aria onto his lap, “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I knew you came home yesterday and I wanted to see how you were doing,” Jordan explained, looking down at the untouched bowl of now cold oatmeal, “I can assume you’re doing…well?”
“I didn’t wanna come here,” Zakk said, trying not to sound as angry as he felt since Aria was sitting there with him, “I was forced here.”
“Zakk, your parents are trying to help you,” Jordan replied, “We all want you to get better. You can only get better if you let us help you.”
“I’m not asking for help, am I?” he said, “And that doesn’t mean a damn thing coming from you. We’ve tried to help you for years and you’ve always refused it.”
Jordan seemed to be at a loss for words at first and Zakk felt triumphant until she finally spoke up, “We aren’t talking about me, Zakk.”
“I am.”
“Well I’m not.”
“Maybe we should.”
“Zakk!” Jordan raised her voice, startling Aria and she buried her face in Zakk’s neck, “Stop trying to change the subject, Zakk. Open your mind. You really don’t want to be controlled by addiction like this.”
Zakk refused to partake in this conversation anymore. He just pulled Aria away from his neck so he could look at her. Aria smiled at him with wide eyes and it made him happy just looking at her. Jordan sat down next to Zakk and put her hand on his shoulder, “Let’s go out today. The three of us.”
“I guess that would be a good idea,” Zakk said, standing up with Aria still in his arms, “It won’t be fun for us to just sit in here all day.”
Zakk and Jordan took Aria to the playground and Zakk ran around with her since Jordan was sitting on a bench, feeling too tired to run around for very long since the new baby was really draining her energy. Zakk had forgotten all about his anger and resentment towards everyone for a few hours while playing with little Aria. He had never seen this child so full of life and laughing as hard as she was before. Usually she was very quiet. Living with a man like Ryan could do that to you.
Jordan got up from the bench around three and scooped Aria up into her arms, “Come on. We’ve had enough playground time for today.”
Aria pouted but didn’t protest. Jordan smiled and put her hand on Zakk’s shoulder, “Wanna go get some lunch?”
“Sure!” Zakk said, realizing that he actually was pretty hungry. Jordan wouldn’t tell Zakk where they were going to eat, telling him over and over that it was a surprise and he was going to like it and this wasn’t like Jordan at all. But he didn’t think much of it.
“Will you tell me now?” Zakk asked once Jordan parked the car. She smiled and shook her head. They got out and Jordan adjusted Aria so she could hold her with one arm and hold Zakk’s hand with her free hand. Zakk didn’t recognize the building she took him into but he never once questioned her. He just let her lead him down the halls. She opened one of the doors and Zakk stepped back at the sight of his parents, Josh, Amy, and Harrison sitting together, “What is this? Jordan, did you trick me?!”
“I had to,” Jordan mumbled, “You need help, Zakk. We all wanna help you.”
“I don’t need anyone’s help!” Zakk shouted, momentarily forgetting that Aria was present to hear his rage. She nestled into Jordan’s neck and wrapped her arms tightly around her.
“Yes you do Zakk,” Jordan grumbled, “And we’re all gonna help you through this.”
Zakk stood there with his arms crossed, refusing to speak, “I can’t believe you tricked me like this, Jordan. And you used your daughter to do it. How does that make you feel?”
“It wasn’t my idea,” Jordan murmured, stroking Aria’s hair.
“No, you just went with it, like everything else in your life,” Zakk looked down at Jordan’s round belly as he raised an eyebrow. Jordan turned her body so Zakk would stop looking and she swung her arm and slapped him across the face.
“Fuck you!” she exclaimed. She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Zakk didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He knew he wasn’t acting like himself anymore. He wasn’t sure he could act like himself without those pills anymore. And he didn’t know how he felt about that. His parents approached him like he was a caged animal and they sat him down in between them while they, along with Josh, Amy, and Harrison explained to him where he would be going for the next month or longer, depending on how he responded to treatment. His parents had already packed his things and a car would be waiting to take him to the rehab clinic where he would stay for a month. Zakk had no choice but to take his suitcase and go. When Zakk came out of the building with his parents, he noticed Jordan’s car still parked across the street. She was sitting there covering her face with her hands and sobbing heavily. She wiped her eyes and when she made eye contact with him, she hurriedly put her keys in the ignition and drove off, her sadness suddenly morphing into anger. Zakk tried to get a good look at Aria in her car seat. He wasn’t sure he’d see those two for a long, long time…if he’d ever get to see them at all.
Saturday, November 29
After two days, Zakk was sent home. His parents had refused to let him go back to his own home and he was dragged to his parents’ home, despite his pleads and demands. They set up his old bedroom for him and told him repeatedly this would be best for him. He heard plans of rehab and he wanted no part of that. There was no reason for him to go to rehab, none at all. The first night he spent at his parents’ house, he couldn’t sleep. He just wanted his pills and he had no way of getting them. He writhed and groaned in his bed and ended up waking his parents up with his shouting, telling them he hated them and he wanted to go home. They however, ignored him and let him get out his aggressions.
The next day, Zakk refused to leave his bedroom to eat breakfast with his parents, no matter how many times they begged him to come down to eat. They did eventually bring his breakfast in a TV tray and left him to eat whenever he got hungry but he didn’t even touch it in the afternoon when his mother poked her head in, “Zakk, you have some visitors.”
“I don’t want visitors,” Zakk snapped. His mother opened the door anyway and Jordan came in with little Aria, who ran to him and climbed onto his bed to hug him. He found himself happy to see his two favorite girls and he pulled Aria onto his lap, “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I knew you came home yesterday and I wanted to see how you were doing,” Jordan explained, looking down at the untouched bowl of now cold oatmeal, “I can assume you’re doing…well?”
“I didn’t wanna come here,” Zakk said, trying not to sound as angry as he felt since Aria was sitting there with him, “I was forced here.”
“Zakk, your parents are trying to help you,” Jordan replied, “We all want you to get better. You can only get better if you let us help you.”
“I’m not asking for help, am I?” he said, “And that doesn’t mean a damn thing coming from you. We’ve tried to help you for years and you’ve always refused it.”
Jordan seemed to be at a loss for words at first and Zakk felt triumphant until she finally spoke up, “We aren’t talking about me, Zakk.”
“I am.”
“Well I’m not.”
“Maybe we should.”
“Zakk!” Jordan raised her voice, startling Aria and she buried her face in Zakk’s neck, “Stop trying to change the subject, Zakk. Open your mind. You really don’t want to be controlled by addiction like this.”
Zakk refused to partake in this conversation anymore. He just pulled Aria away from his neck so he could look at her. Aria smiled at him with wide eyes and it made him happy just looking at her. Jordan sat down next to Zakk and put her hand on his shoulder, “Let’s go out today. The three of us.”
“I guess that would be a good idea,” Zakk said, standing up with Aria still in his arms, “It won’t be fun for us to just sit in here all day.”
Zakk and Jordan took Aria to the playground and Zakk ran around with her since Jordan was sitting on a bench, feeling too tired to run around for very long since the new baby was really draining her energy. Zakk had forgotten all about his anger and resentment towards everyone for a few hours while playing with little Aria. He had never seen this child so full of life and laughing as hard as she was before. Usually she was very quiet. Living with a man like Ryan could do that to you.
Jordan got up from the bench around three and scooped Aria up into her arms, “Come on. We’ve had enough playground time for today.”
Aria pouted but didn’t protest. Jordan smiled and put her hand on Zakk’s shoulder, “Wanna go get some lunch?”
“Sure!” Zakk said, realizing that he actually was pretty hungry. Jordan wouldn’t tell Zakk where they were going to eat, telling him over and over that it was a surprise and he was going to like it and this wasn’t like Jordan at all. But he didn’t think much of it.
“Will you tell me now?” Zakk asked once Jordan parked the car. She smiled and shook her head. They got out and Jordan adjusted Aria so she could hold her with one arm and hold Zakk’s hand with her free hand. Zakk didn’t recognize the building she took him into but he never once questioned her. He just let her lead him down the halls. She opened one of the doors and Zakk stepped back at the sight of his parents, Josh, Amy, and Harrison sitting together, “What is this? Jordan, did you trick me?!”
“I had to,” Jordan mumbled, “You need help, Zakk. We all wanna help you.”
“I don’t need anyone’s help!” Zakk shouted, momentarily forgetting that Aria was present to hear his rage. She nestled into Jordan’s neck and wrapped her arms tightly around her.
“Yes you do Zakk,” Jordan grumbled, “And we’re all gonna help you through this.”
Zakk stood there with his arms crossed, refusing to speak, “I can’t believe you tricked me like this, Jordan. And you used your daughter to do it. How does that make you feel?”
“It wasn’t my idea,” Jordan murmured, stroking Aria’s hair.
“No, you just went with it, like everything else in your life,” Zakk looked down at Jordan’s round belly as he raised an eyebrow. Jordan turned her body so Zakk would stop looking and she swung her arm and slapped him across the face.
“Fuck you!” she exclaimed. She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Zakk didn’t even know what he was saying anymore. He knew he wasn’t acting like himself anymore. He wasn’t sure he could act like himself without those pills anymore. And he didn’t know how he felt about that. His parents approached him like he was a caged animal and they sat him down in between them while they, along with Josh, Amy, and Harrison explained to him where he would be going for the next month or longer, depending on how he responded to treatment. His parents had already packed his things and a car would be waiting to take him to the rehab clinic where he would stay for a month. Zakk had no choice but to take his suitcase and go. When Zakk came out of the building with his parents, he noticed Jordan’s car still parked across the street. She was sitting there covering her face with her hands and sobbing heavily. She wiped her eyes and when she made eye contact with him, she hurriedly put her keys in the ignition and drove off, her sadness suddenly morphing into anger. Zakk tried to get a good look at Aria in her car seat. He wasn’t sure he’d see those two for a long, long time…if he’d ever get to see them at all.
♠ ♠ ♠
Oh snap crackle pop. I hope to finish this soon. Soooooo much fucking more to do >.< blahhhh hahahahahah!