Love Song

Jordan

Monday, December 1

I had been in the hospital all night and I only felt a bit of the pain before I was given an epidural. The first thing that crossed my mind was the amount of gratitude I felt towards my body and my child for waiting until full term. Ryan had actually been the one to take me to the hospital and he was in the waiting room with Aria, only coming in on occasion with her. But other than that, I was alone. It wasn’t until the first morning of December that Amy and Josh came into my room.

“How’re you feeling?” Amy asked, pushing my bangs off my forehead and smiling. Josh was beside her with an arm around her hips and I smiled back.

“I’m feeling better with this epidural,” I replied, “I assume you two are good again?”

Josh pulled Amy closer to him and kissed her temple, “We’re good. We saw Ryan and my niece in the waiting room. He hasn’t come to see you at all?”

“Oh, he has,” I said, “He’s brought Aria in a few times since last night. It’s getting pretty close to her naptime soon, if the time on that clock is right.”

“Yeah just about,” Josh replied, “Does he know her nap schedule?”

“Probably not.”

“Of course not,” Josh sighed, “Well when the time comes I’ll handle it myself. I handled taking you to the hospital to give birth to her, I can handle her now.”

“Oh Josh stop it,” I said, “Ryan’s a lot of things but…he’s never laid a hand on Aria and that’s all I care about.”

“But he’s laid a hand on you and I care about that,” Josh retorted, “Of course I’m glad he doesn’t hurt Aria. I’m not saying I want it to be her and not you. Neither one of you should have to deal with it.”

“I don’t wanna talk about this right now, ok?” I murmured, rubbing my belly. I looked at a little machine beside me that was tracking my contractions and it was going insane at the moment but I couldn’t feel any of it, “I just…wanna have my baby without any complications. I’m so close to being complication free as far as this birth goes.”

“Fine, but this isn’t over,” Josh said, “I’m gonna go and take Aria down to the cafeteria and get her something to eat, give her some time away from her good for nothing dad.”

I nodded and Josh left the room. I hoped and prayed he didn’t cause a scene in that waiting room with Ryan and I hoped Ryan just handed Aria over without a word or argument. Amy smiled during our long silence and she put her hand on my belly, “How long has it been since you came in?”

“About twelve hours,” I muttered, looking at the IV in my hand, “Still have ways to go. I’m just glad the baby is full term this time.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?” Amy asked.

“No. Ryan never likes to know until the baby’s born,” I replied with a heavy sigh, “I can’t stand getting a bunch of neutral colors for the baby. But it makes Ryan happy to be surprised so I’ll just let him have this one.”

Amy rolled her eyes but said nothing. There was no need to argue. This was almost a happy moment. If Ryan wasn’t around, the birth of this baby would be a much more special occasion. But since Ryan wasn’t in the room, it was easy to forget he even existed. But after a few minutes, Ryan came into the room and he sat beside me, rubbing my belly.

“How’re we feeling?” he inquired.

“We’re fine,” I said, “We’re moving along little by little. Josh took Aria?”

“He did,” Ryan replied, his brows lowering with irritation, “He wanted some time with his niece he said.”

“And you think he’s lying?” Amy piped in. Ryan slowly turned his head and slowly blinked, giving her a subtle glare that no one really caught except for me. But unlike me, Amy had no reason to fear Ryan and she crossed her arms, meeting his glare, “I don’t think it’s unreasonable for Josh to spend time with his little niece.”

Ryan didn’t reply but Amy didn’t need him to. She smirked in triumph and Ryan turned and left to avoid her smugness. Amy giggled as she took his seat beside me, “I didn’t think that would make him leave.”

“Well, you did make him look kinda silly,” I replied, lowering my voice so he couldn’t hear me. I turned my head and looked out the window, leaning back and sighing, “I wish Zakk was here. I feel horrible about what we did.”

“Jordan, don’t beat yourself up about it,” Amy said, wrapping an arm around my shoulder, “Zakk needed the help. When he gets back, he’ll be as good as new and he’ll get to meet your little baby.”

“We should visit him,” I mumbled, “I don’t wanna wait for him to get out of his treatment to see him.”

“Well he hasn’t been there ten days yet,” Amy said.

“What?”

“Visitation is on Sundays, ten days after the patient has been there for ten days,” Amy explained, “He hasn’t been there for ten days yet. But once he is, you’ll be able to visit him and have him meet the baby.”

“Oh. I wasn’t aware of the ten day thing,” I said, “Well after those ten days when I can go see him, you and Harrison and Josh will come with me right? So the whole band can visit?”

“Of course,” Amy replied, wrapping me up in a hug, “And we’ll bring Aria too. She really does love Zakk.”

“She does,” I murmured, neglecting to mention the fact that she had mentioned countless times that she wanted Zakk to be her dad and not Ryan. I wasn’t in the mood to hear a lecture about how I should leave Ryan for the sake of my kids. It was something I knew and it was easier said than done.

At five o’clock or so, I reached my twentieth hour of labor and though I wasn’t in any pain, I was uncomfortable, tired, and impatient. Luckily, I’d progressed quite a bit in eight hours. Amy sat out in the waiting room with Josh and Aria while Ryan joined me in the room while I gave birth. Josh bounced Aria on his knee and her ponytails bounced and she giggled.

“Are you excited for your little brother or sister?” Josh asked, kissing her cheek.

“I want a sister!” Aria exclaimed.

“I wanted a sister too when your grandma was having your mom,” Josh said, “I changed my mind but it was too late. Out came my sister!”

Josh poked her stomach when he spoke and she grabbed his wrist to stop him, squealing. Amy liked seeing Josh like this, normal, sober. He seemed like the Josh she remembered before the alcohol got to his head, before my ordeal with Ryan got to him. Amy thought back to her pregnancy scare awhile back. The sight of Josh with Aria made Amy almost wish it had gone the other way. Maybe Josh would’ve gotten sober for the baby. He would’ve gotten it together for both her and their baby.

“No, Uncle Josh,” Aria said firmly, pulling his wrist away, “Sister!”

“Well let’s cross our fingers for another girl,” Josh chuckled as he showed Aria how to cross her short chubby fingers. Once Aria figured it out on her right hand, she crossed her fingers on her left and held them up the same way Josh was, closing her eyes, wishing for a sister as hard as she could. It was another half an hour or so before Ryan came out in the scrubs he’d been given to wear.

“Well? Is Jordan ok? The baby?” Josh asked.

“They’re both fine,” Ryan replied, “Jordan wants you.”

Though I couldn’t feel the pain of my baby passing, I still felt him or her. I swore I felt every inch of its face as I pushed. Ryan was supporting me through the entire thing, which was incredibly shocking. I tried not to say anything but at the same time didn’t want to make it seem like I was ignoring or rejecting his encouragement. When he took my hand, I let him but didn’t squeeze it when I was instructed to push. It felt like an eternity when according to the doctors and Ryan, it was only about forty, forty-five minutes.

“Mrs. Block, here comes the head!” my doctor, Dr. Turner said, grabbing my wrist, “Feel it!”

My fingers grazed a fuzzy head and I found myself grinning and I eagerly pushed when Dr. Turner said to. I pushed and pushed until the pressure was gone and replaced with a crying baby. I laid back and stared at the baby Dr. Turner was lifting. Ryan cut the umbilical cord and they laid the baby on a blanket on top of my chest. I chuckled as I kissed my child’s bloody cheek before it was whisked away from me to be cleaned up.

“What is it?” I asked softly.

“Mr. and Mrs. Block, you had a beautiful and healthy baby boy,” Dr. Turner said, smiling as he brought my boy to me. Tears welled up in my eyes once he was brought back to me. He was fussy up until he was in my arms and then he was calm again. Ryan leaned over me to get a look at our son’s face and he smiled.

“He’s beautiful,” Ryan murmured.

“Will you bring Aria in here? So she can meet her little brother,” I said, “And Josh and Amy too.”

Ryan nodded as he left the room, returning seconds later with Josh, Amy, and Aria. Josh set Aria down beside me and she looked at the newborn in my arms. I turned so she could see him better, “Meet your new little brother, Aria.”

“I wanted a sister,” Aria said.

“You’ll get a sister one day,” I replied, receiving an annoyed eye rolling from Josh but I resisted the urge to give him a dirty look, “But having a brother is just as nice, Aria. Trust me. When he’s older, you’ll have someone to play with.”

“What’s this little guy’s name?” Amy asked, smiling down at my boy. I stroked his chubby cheek, unable to take my eyes off of him. Ryan and I had discussed names a few weeks before and so I already had a name ready to go for him.

“His name is Liam.”