I Am Happy, That's Just the Saddest Lie

>> fast forward ten days

Tonight was the rehearsal dinner. The wedding was tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I was going to commit suicide one of these days. I tried taking Shia's advice but it didn't seem to work. Everywhere I turned, I would see something that reminded me of him. It brought so much pain to me. Just thinking that he would be happy without me brought me to tears. I felt so useless, so pathetic without him. I needed him, I honestly needed him.

We all practiced walking down the aisle and practiced the ceremony. After we did that, we all went to eat. Everybody made a toast to James and Ana and everybody hoped that they'd be happily married forever. Is it bad to wish that they got divorced or maybe never made it down the aisle? Because that's what I really wanted to happen, as mean as that sounds.

It was now time for my toast, and I was as nervous as ever. It took me forever to write my speech. Why would I wish happiness to my ex boyfriend and my sister. I had to though, for everyone's sake. I was doing this for Ana.

"Ana, you're an amazing sister. You always put everyone before yourself and for once, tomorrow is going to be all about you. You deserve this. You found an amazing guy that honestly loves y-you" Then the waterworks started, "And I'm s-so happy f-for you-u. I l-love you so much. James, you're really lu-lucky to have my sis-ster and you better l-love her an-nd take care of h-her. You're a g-good guy and I hope you g-guys have a-a happy l-life together"

"To J-James and Ana" I said. "To James and Ana!" everyone repeated.

After my toast, we all sat down and proceeded to eat. James continued to glance at me from across the table while Ana held his hand and stared at him adoringly. I felt terrible. I was in love with the guy who was marrying Ana tomorrow, and I couldn't do anything about it. That alone made me want to give up, even though it wasn't even a fight. Ana had won, it's no surprise. Her life was perfect, why not add the perfect guy along with it.

"Marley are you okay?" Ana asked, coming from out of nowhere.

"Yeah. I'm fine" I said back.

"Are you sure. You have me worried. So is James" she said.

"Well, I'm fine. There's no need to worry" I said, Ana not buying a word of it.

"Are you upset that I'm getting married and you're single?" She asked suddenly.

"What are you saying, I'm jealous?" I said with attitude.

"No, of course not. I mean, I'd personally be jealous. Hell, I'm jealous of you now. You're a beautiful girl, and you'll find a great guy. Someone who will treat you right. You have an amazing life, and soon you'll find that man who's going to live your life with you. He's going to be cute and sweet and funny and nice and smart. You know, like James" she said.

"Uh, yeah. Like James…." I replied.

"Is that what's wrong?" She asked.

"Is what wrong?" I asked back, I hope she didn't catch on.

"James. Do you not want me to marry him because you don't know him that well? You're worried he isn't the guy for me or that we haven't known each other long enough. Is that it?" she asked.

"No, that isn't it. I know James, he's an amazing guy. I'm just overwhelmed, being the maid of honor and whatnot, it's nothing." I said convincingly.

"Okay. Don't worry Marls, everything's going to be okay. I love you" She told me.

"I know. I love you too Ana" I said back.

After the party was over, Ana and I drove back to my house where the bridal party would be staying tonight. I took a nice shower, changed into pajamas and before I could cry myself to sleep, my phone rang. It was James. I ignored it and proceeded to cry, falling asleep in the process, just like I'd planned.