When I Look At You

I rushed into homeroom was the bell rang, barely making it.

"Brooke!" called a voice that I would know anywhere.

I turned and saw Darren, his face lighting up immediately as he saw me.

My boyfriend.

He hugged me gently, the best boyfriend I could ask for. But oddly, I didn't return the feelings.

Because when I looked at him, I only had one thought.

I'm going to break your heart. Again.

~*~*~

It started out as a simple crush, nothing more. He was sweet - the type of guy who kisses you goodnight and buys stuffed animals. We were friends, not best friends, but friends nonetheless.

We dated in secret. We were the kind of couple who would get pointed at and laughed at. But we were happy together, and nothing else mattered. We made each other nervous, too scared to go further.

I went to my best friend's party, and like most parties, we, of course, played truth or dare. I never really liked that game, because you could be put in an uncomfortable position, whether it was a horrifying dare or a shocking truth.

When it got to me, I went against my thoughts and chose dare. Everyone knew that Darren and I were dating, because earlier in the game, the truth was spoken. It didn't make me feel to uncomfortable, because these were my friends - they were happy for me no matter what. I trusted them, and I was happy.

Obviously, the dare I got was to kiss Darren. I was scared to - what if he didn't want to kiss me back? Though, to honor the game, I had to... and the results were better than I thought. It wasn't at all awkward after the first kiss. My first kiss - I would remember it always, and at the time, I was sure it was with the right person. But what did I know? I was just a hormone -crazed teenager.

But it just felt so right. Soon the party got heated up, and couples started making out in dark corners and the like. I felt weird, just sitting there with Darren. My friend walked over and dared me to go into the closet and make out with Darren. I guess I had to, to not look like a loser.

Getting up from my chair, she whispered something in my ear.

"You'll thank me for this later, Brooke. Trust me."

And I knew I would. It was amazing, he was a great kisser, and he wasn't like the other guys. Through it all, he kept whispering, "I love you."

It made me want to melt right on the spot.

~*~*~

I got home from school, with that one thought in my mind. We had broken up before, but got back together. The first time, it was because I wasn't sure how I felt when people pointed, figuring out our relationship. But I missed him, and decided it didn't matter who knew. It was when I was happiest, like I was on fire, but in a good way.

But the fire faded, leaving me with thoughts of only friendship. I barely had any feelings for him anymore, other than friendship. But to be friends after this would be too much to ask.

I was too scared to do it in person, so I grabbed my phone and pressed new message. It would be terrible to break up with someone in a text. I figured if I did that, he would hate me. I'd rather him hate me, anyway, than to be sad.

Fingers shaking, I pressed send. I knew it was for the best, because when ever I looked at him, the one thought popped into my head.

I'm only going to break your heart.