A Poetic Retelling of an Unfortunate Romance

By weeks end, Julius had officially dubbed Ella his own personal fag hag. Ella was taken aback when he informed her during dinner that he was choosing her to be his hag, she thought that he was joking around as he was prone to do, but he was serious. Julius wanted her to be his hag, it was sudden, he knew it, but there was something soothing about her presence, something empowering, something electrifying and he wanted to have dibs on her, because in his mind, the other gays were going to pounce on her when classes started and he refused to be anything other than her main gay.

It was an absurd thought to Ella whom didn’t fully comprehend the politics of a gay man and his hag, she thought that it was nothing more than a strong friendship, but in the realm of the gay community, a hag was viewed as an extension of the self, and to have the best hag was to gain power, because others would be jealous, they would covet her. Basically, having the best hag was like having the best toy in kindergarten and Julius had to have the best.

Their friendship was an odd one, in the short time that they had known each other, it, became painfully obvious that they were two completely different human beings with very different beliefs. Julius was obsessed with having only the nicest things, he was – by nature – a very materialistic and superficial young man that refused to speak to anyone he considered ugly, which led him to believe that 95% of the student population at Berkeley was beneath him.

His beliefs often led to disagreements with Ella whom made it a habit of telling him that even when things aren’t aesthetically pleasing, there is still beauty in them, beauty that needs to be appreciated. Those words were never taken seriously; Julius told her that if things were truly beautiful, then it should be visible from the outside, not just the inside. Their philosophical arguments were always heated, but they had a way of sorting them out, their chemistry was stronger than their differing views.

Their chemistry was so strong that students in their dorms began thinking that they were going out. That was the only reason they could think of to explain why they were always together, but their fellow gays knew what was going on, they realized that the relationship before them wasn’t a sexual one, but one that was based on emotional and intellectual stimulation.

They, unknowingly, became the face of the LGBT students at Clark Kerr and by the time that the first week of academic instruction had ended, they had started an unofficial gang that the out gays – all five of them – in Clark Kerr belonged to.

To say that Ella was amused by the direction her life was taking would be an understatement. She found great joy in having so many gay friends but what made it funny to her, was the fact that in high school she had only known one gay fellow student and he had rarely spoken to her so being the center of attention of so many people was hilarious to her, but she figured that it had something to do with the fact that she was an outrageous woman with motherly instincts, that was probably what drew them to her and if it wasn’t that, then there was glitter in her veins instead of blood.

That was a statement that the boys agreed with as well.

And it was a statement that was made more and more plausible, whenever they would go out dancing to SEO, the gay fraternity on campus, where they found a welcoming environment where they could make out with whomever caught their eye, dress in drag, and be themselves.

It was also there where they made most of their friends, considering that it was RUSH week, it made sense that the community presence would be especially concentrated in the frat. And inside the house, was where Ella met Dorian Vance.

They met when Ella was running around the house, looking for a bathroom that wasn’t being used for fucking. Dorian spotted her across the room, he loved the hot pink wig that framed her face and walked over to make a proper introduction. They said their hellos, he pounded on a bathroom, telling the people inside to stop fucking because they were going to give someone a UTI and the rest was history.

At nights end, the pair parted as friends, exchanging numbers and making plans to grab brunch at the Clark Kerr dining common the next morning. Ella invited Julius, thinking that he would get along with Dorian and by the end of lunch; the three of them had decided that they were going to grab dinner together later that night.

Female friends weren’t something that Ella truly had, she spoke to the women in her classes, arranged to study with them, but she didn’t really hang out with them. The same went for straight men, she was friendly, but didn’t find anyone that interested her enough to become friends with but then it happened, she met Gavin.

They met in the most stereotypical of situations.

They had the same discussion for their Intro to American Politics class and during their second discussion section, Ella asked a fellow classmate what sources she was basing her argument on. Her classmate was offended and began an argument that ended with Ella going on a lengthy rant about the importance of checking ones sources if one wants to avoid looking like a fool.

Needless to say, an enemy was made.

And when class ended, she walked out with her head held high because she felt proud of herself for having defended the African American community that was being belittled by a close minded fool. She was so engrossed by her thoughts that she failed to notice that her classmate was calling after her, she only noticed him when he bumped his hip against hers.

“Do you make it a habit of having people chase after you?” asked the deep voice from beside her.

“What are you talking about?” Ella turned to the stranger.

“I was talking about the fact that I’ve been calling your name since class ended.”

“That’s where you went wrong, I don’t respond to Gabriella.”

“Then what do you respond to?” he held the door open so that they could step into the fresh air morning air.

“Ella,” she told him.

“Ella?” he shook his head. “With all the possible nicknames that can come from your name, you go with Ella?”

“I happen to like Ella,” she stopped walking. “And who are you to criticize my name when you go by Gav.”

“What’s wrong with Gav?”

“It makes you sound like a douche from Orange County.”

“In that case I need to change it so that I sound like a douche from San Diego County.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “I'm assuming that you didn’t chase me down to discuss my name, so what do you want?”

“You’re not even going to try to be polite, are you?”

“Why should I be polite to a self proclaimed douche from San Diego?” retorted Ella.

“Touché,” Gavin smirked. “I came to tell you that I enjoyed the argument. It made a dull section bearable.”

“If you enjoyed it so much then why didn’t you join in when I asked people for their input?”

“Because I don’t fight with girls that I plan on fucking,” explained Gavin.

“You plan on fucking that narrow minded cunt?” asked Ella.

“I do and I'm hoping that the narrow minded cunt has a narrow cunt.”

Her eyes winded. “You’re disgusting!”

“Not disgusting, just honest.”

“You’re a disgusting pig,” Ella began walking.

“If I spoke that way about a woman with a worthy mind, I’d be disgusting, but I'm talking about someone that basically said that Blacks should be second class citizens, those kind of people don’t deserve respect, that sort of woman is just good for pussy.” Gavin walked alongside her. “And you know it’s true, that’s why you’re pretending to be so offended.”

“You’re a real asshole, you know that.”

“I’ve been told,” he fell silent.

“What are you doing?” Ella didn’t know why he was still walking beside her.

“Walking,” responded Gavin.

“Obviously, but what are you doing walking next to me?”

“I wasn’t aware that people needed a special permit to walk beside you,” he stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“You are so annoying,” muttered Ella.

Gavin smirked. “I'm actually quite charming.”

“I find that very hard to believe.” Ella took off her jacket, revealing her faded Black Sabbath t-shirt.

“You like Black Sabbath?” his voice held a hint of surprise.

“No, I just wear this shirt to confuse people,” snickered Ella. “Of course I like Black Sabbath! I'm not the type of person that wears a band shirt just because the shirt’s rad. I have to really dig the band in order to wear the shirt.”

“That’s good to know, I hate people that wear shirts and don’t know anything about the music. Like the other day some chick was wearing a Pantera shirt, I asked her why she was wearing it; she told me that it was because it was h – cute.”

“Dimebag Darrell’s rolling in his grave right now.” Ella shuddered, “How can anyone use that disgusting h – word and cute to describe a Pantera shirt? That’s just ridiculous.”

“It is,” he checked his cell phone for the time. “I'm gonna grab some coffee, want to come?”

“What café?”

“Café Estrada, it’s up on College, in front of the architecture area.”

“Oh, that place!” exclaimed Ella. “Yeah, I’ll go, it’s on my way back to the dorm.”

“What dorm do you live in?”

“Clark Kerr,” replied Ella.

“My friend from back home lives there,” he told her.

“Really?” she asked. “What’s their name?”

“Ian Woods.”

“Does he have dark brown hair, green eyes and say bra like there’s no tomorrow?”

“Hah yeah, he does!” laughed Gavin. “How’d you know?”

“My roommate left an angry note on his door so when he went to go talk to her and I was the one that answered the door.”

“Your roommates that stuck up bitch?” he shook his head. “How do you live with that? I don’t know you or anything, but you don’t seem like someone that could live with a person like that. I met that Victoria chick a few days back, she banged on our door to tell us to keep it down at four in the afternoon, it’s like what the fuck, it, was only four.”

“I can’t believe I missed that!” giggled Ella. “That must’ve been hilarious. Did she have her huge owl reading glasses on?”

“She did, I kind of jumped back when I first saw her, I didn’t think she was completely human.”

“That happens to me sometime. Her appearance is just so out there and she gets mad when I give her a weird look but I can’t help it! Those glasses are just too bizarre.”

“They are, they’re the sort of glasses that no one looks good in.”

“Agreed,” Ella pushed her bangs from her eyes. “So where do you live?”

“Davidson Hall in Unit Two, it’s not the best dorm, but it’s pretty alright.”

“Do you have a roommate or did you get a single?”

“Tried getting a single but got stuck in a triple.”

“A triple?” she groaned. “That’s awful. I can barely live with one other person, can’t even imagine what having to live with two would be like.”

“It’s not that bad, the guys are okay.”

The pair reached Café Estrada, each ordering their drink of choice before sitting down at a nearby table where they would wait for their drinks to be prepared.

“Where are you from?” asked Gavin as they waited for their drinks.

“Venice,” answered Ella.

“Italy?”

“Not Venice, Italy. I'm talking about Venice Beach, CA.”

“Gross, you’re a Los Angeles beach kid.” Gavin feigned disgust.

“Hey man, everyone on earth known that LA beach kids are better than San Diego beach kids.”

“If by everyone on earth you mean the delusional people that live in Venice, then yes, you’re right.”

“That’s exactly the sort of thing that I’d expect a douche from San Diego to say, you’re all so high and mighty that you think your beaches are better.”

“Not only are they better, but they’re much cleaner.”

“They’re lacking culture and variety,” argued Ella.

“Whatever Elle,” muttered Gavin.

“Who said you could call me Elle?”

“I said that I could call you Elle.”

“If you’re going to call me Elle then I'm going to call you, hmm . . . Vinnie.”

“What am I, an Italian mobster?” Gavin laughed.

“Not just an Italian mobster, but the mobster that gets whacked in every film.”