I'll Forget About You

So it happened.

It.

Sex.

Sex happened. With me and Garrett, in my bedroom, on July 22nd, around nine p.m. And it was great. Garrett was great. We were great.

And for a while I forgot how horrible of a person I was, for getting mad at Garrett for leaving for a week, when I was only constantly reminded that I would be leaving in just over a month. That was all we had left. One month. Garrett was of course still none the wiser to this plan, and that was the way I was planning on keeping it, until the words had to be said and the emotions had to be felt.

I wanted to say that nothing changed after we fucked, but things did change. All of a sudden there was this feeling between us. Not a bad feeling, but a good feeling. Hopefully not a “we’re going to be together for quite some time” feeling, though. Just an overall good vibe. Something about Garrett and I just worked. Maybe it was the payback for when I had spent so long pining over him, when he still had no idea who I was. Maybe it was just the way things were supposed to end up between us, in the end.

After so long of being on the same, yet completely separate track, we finally intertwined.

“So what do you say about that beach trip?” Garrett asked, breaking the comfortable silence between us as we sprawled out on his bed in the afternoon sun.

I giggled, “Well, I say it would take a while to get there.”

“We could leave today.”

“Today?”

“Yeah, totally,” he said, like it was nothing out of the ordinary. I could see him formulating the plan in his head already. “We could pack real quick, alert the parentals, and just go. We could stop and sight see every now and again, and we’d be there by dark. It’d be great! The beach! At night!”

His total excitement over this beach trip had no choice but to excite me as well. “I mean, well, it could work. And it would be totally fun. How long would we stay?”

“I dunno, hadn’t really thought that far. A few days? Just long enough to really take it in, then we’d leave soon enough so that we could always miss how fun it was.”

I sighed, laying my head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. So steady, always there, always continuing. Never giving up.

“Fuck, let’s do it,” I said. “My mom can handle a few days without me. I hardly even see her anymore.”

The excitement between us grew as Garrett flung himself out of my grasp and off the bed, racing around his room while grabbing various articles of clothing and shoving them haphazardly into a duffel bag. I hoped this was going to go off without a hitch, because I needed something like this. Something so spontaneous and new and exciting, which were the same words I often also used to describe Garrett.

After enough necessities were packed, Garrett bounded down towards the stairs where his mother was working on a cross word at the kitchen table.

“Mom! I’m going to California!” Garrett announced, toting me along with his hand in mine. The smile on his face was so genuine, I couldn’t help but to smile too. We were just a couple of kids, foolish and young and still not knowing the boundaries of everything quite yet. All of this was so easily reflected in our smiles.

After the look of confusion flashed across her face, Garrett and I took the liberty of explaining what all this California trip would consist of, and what it wouldn’t consist of. His mom was easy going though, accepting what it was like to be young and foolish, probably knowing better than we did about what sorts of things we’d find ourselves getting into someday.

“I can’t stop you Garrett, but I want you to be careful. Lainie’s a year younger than you, just remember that. It doesn’t seem like much, but she hasn’t had that year of being away from home yet,” his mother said with eloquence.

“Mom, that doesn’t even mean anything.”

“You’d be surprised, Garrett,” she told him, glancing at me.

It was as if she already knew. I was thirsting to get out of here, angsty and ready to finally be on my own, away from everyone here. It was like Garrett’s mother knew that I was planning to fly away from here with no plans of coming back, ready to drop everyone here on a dime. Well, at least she could tell Garrett ‘I told you so.’ From my personal experience, moms love saying that.

Garrett let out a whoop of excitement as we settled into his car; next stop, my house. I was nervous, completely unsure of what my mother would say. She gave me enough hell for months on end about going off all the way to New York for college, so maybe she would still try to keep me around home for as long as possible until then. It was like she was trying to prevent me from doing anything I wanted. She was selfish, wanting me all for herself. Maybe her suffocating ways were another one of the reasons I wanted out of here.

We parked in the driveway of my house, where Garrett was beginning to unbuckle.

“I think you should just wait here,” I told him, my voice betraying how nervous I was.

“Why?”

“B-because sometimes… my mom can say some pretty ugly things. I don’t want you to witness it. It’d just be better if I talked to her alone, told her a couple more friends were going. She doesn’t exactly know… about us, I mean. She doesn’t know about us yet.” The words felt so heavy. Everyone in my life had a different story I’d told them. Garrett didn’t know I was leaving. Mom didn’t even know about Garrett. My friends didn’t really know anything at all. It was getting hard keeping up all these walls; I had to be careful not to let anything slip, or else everything might just come crashing down around me.

“You will not go to California on a beach trip!” my mother shrieked. Her hair was frizzing, her eyes dull with bags under them. I felt like I hadn’t seen her in weeks.

“But mom--”

“I’m already allowing you to go to school in New York, Alaina. You could get into some serious trouble if I just let you go off with these friends of yours I’ve never met. Who are they, anyway? When did you meet them? What are their names?” she was piping along, steamrolling over anything I tried to say. “And Alaina, you sure as hell better not be going with any boys on this trip.”

“And why not?” I bit back, anger rising within me. “What if my best friend is a boy?”

“Well then I don’t know. But you aren’t going on a who-knows-who-long beach trip with a bunch of hooligan teenagers. Do you understand? I’m paying thirty grand for your first year of college, Alaina. I could just as easily refuse to pay, and then you’d really be stuck here.” She was tired, I could tell. She didn’t want to fight, but something told me she felt like she had to. Maybe she thought she was losing me. We weren’t exactly close anymore. All of a sudden things just sort of got shaken up, and all of the fragmented pieces didn’t land anywhere near each other. I wasn’t her little girl anymore.

“I’m eighteen, mom. I’m driving six hours away to go to the beach, which I might add I’ve never seen before. We’ll be back in five days tops. In just over a month I’ll be on the east coast. Just let me do this. Please,” I begged and begged.

Mom let out a heavy sigh, running her hand through her hair. She seemed so old, just then. Like she had lost many a battle and finally it was all taking its toll on her. I guess that’s what raising a child looked like in the end.

“Fine, fine,” she said, her voice small and quite. “Please be careful, though. I don’t want any calls about you getting arrested or anything.”

I snorted, giving her a quick hug before racing upstairs and throwing my things into a bag just as haphazardly as Garrett had earlier. My heart was beating with fierce excitement, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I couldn’t believe she had actually agreed to this. Whether she had or not, I still would have left though. I would have left without thinking or caring about the consequences, only caring about two things: Garrett, and my own personal happiness.

I raced out to the car with my stuffed duffel in hand, Garrett sitting in the driver’s seat while staring off into space. He jerked back to awareness when I swung open the door and leapt in, a giant smile on my face.

“So it’s a yes?” he asked tentatively.

“Yes!” I shouted in excitement, about to bounce around like a rubber ball. “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go!”

My own enthusiasm easily rubbed off on Garrett, as he mirrored my smile and mentioned something about getting gas before heading towards the freeway. We drove away from the neighborhood, both of us giggling like school children. Part of me liked to imagine that we would never come back, that this was the last time I’d get a look at where I grew up. All of it faded away in the rearview, blurring out like an old memory as we kept going. It was like I was running away with Garrett--running away to a new life where maybe we’d never leave each other. We’d just be together, everyday.

For a minute I almost believed that was possible.

We were cruising on the interstate, with the windows rolled down of course, and Garrett’s music blasting. I curled up in my seat and just watched everything fly by. I felt like the flashing scenery was a close representation of the past weeks of my life. It felt like I was just going through the motions at sixty miles an hour, and everything was just whizzing by me, never to be seen again. It’s not how I wanted things to happen, but simply that was what the time warp of summer did.

“So what should we do first?” I asked excitedly. It was like this was my first time out of the state or something, like I was a child on her first road trip.

“Well, I was thinking we’d just kind of take it as it comes. No plans means no worries,” he said, the words coming out so easily and smooth.

“I think that sounds wonderful,” I replied. Ever since I graduated, plans just sort of slipped from my grasp, and I hadn’t made any effort to retrieve them. I was sick of forming my life around what had been planned for me: school, homework, extracurricular activities. I was sick of it.

I just wanted to be free.

And Garrett brought all of that to me, without even having to try.

Six hours flew by, with Garrett speeding the entire way, and me weaving in and out of my mess of thoughts. It was just about dark by the time we arrived, but that didn’t mean the city was anywhere close to sleeping yet. Lights were ablaze everywhere we looked, people walking around on every sidewalk. They all seemed so content with everything, so uninterested in their surroundings. I guess that’s how everyone grew to be, once they had been there long enough.

I’d been in Arizona too long.

“I see it!” I nearly screamed, when the reflection of the water hit my eyes. The sun was just about to disappear from sight, casting its final light on the darkening water. People were still milling about in the sand, the air still warm and comforting.

“I know, I know!” I could tell Garrett was slightly tired from driving the entire way with minimal stops, but he was excited too. I could feel it.

He parked in the parking lot that was only feet from the sand. We didn’t grab a thing from the car, only locking it before running towards the water, our hands laced together. I let out a cry of excitement, tearing off my flip flops and letting the water run over my feet. It was still warm, caressing my ankles and working up to my knees as we splashed around. Garrett made a sad attempt at rolling up his jeans, but it was no use, they were already quite wet. My constant attire of shorts was finally of some use.

It was like we could never get tired of the waves; their continuous motion reminded me of Garrett’s heartbeat, of every night and day we had spent together this summer. Somehow everything was consummated in this moment, with those permanent smiles on our faces, the laughs and yelps never dying, Garrett’s stolen kisses every now and again. This was my life, and I could hardly believe I was the one lucky enough to be living it.

The sun was below the horizon now. Garrett’s pants were about to fall off because of how much water they had absorbed, and my hands were starting to prune. We trudged back to the shore, collapsing on the sand in a big heap of water and clothes and skin.

“This was a good idea,” I told him softly.

“I know. I think this is just what we needed. A break from back home.” He wrapped his arms around me, the sand clinging to our wet bodies. I tried to ignore how uncomfortable the wet sand felt as it dried on my skin, because that was only one small detail that I wasn’t going to let ruin this moment.

Or this series of moments.

“I don’t think I ever want to leave,” I said, telling the truth. I didn’t want to leave. I just wanted to lay on the beach day in and day out for the rest of forever, with Garrett laying next to me.

“Maybe we’ll stay then,” he said, sounding a little absentminded.

“Maybe we’ll stay,” I repeated in a voice less than a whisper. Maybe I didn’t have to leave Garrett. Maybe I didn’t have to ruin everything. Maybe we could just end up as a couple of beach bums in love.

In love?