I'll Forget About You

I was walking, my heart was pounding in my ears, I tried to make sure not to trip. I just had to walk. Extend my hand. Shake someone else’s hand. Take my diploma. Walk off the stage.

It was all so complex all of a sudden, now that I was actually doing this. It was so much to handle, to comprehend that this really was the end. The culmination of the past four years all crammed into the short amount of time it would take me to walk up to the stage, grab my diploma, and walk off. And that was it. Then it was over. The past four years were sealed off in the single frame of time that the diploma made contact with my hand.

I was just trying to breath still, my skin hot while I crossed the stage. I hadn’t even realized that my diploma was in my hand until I was still walking, this time to the end of the stage where I waited with everyone else who already had theirs.

And then I was free. I was done with mandatory school. And I just breathed.

I went to a party that night with all of the people from my grade that I couldn’t wait to get away from. But I tried to enjoy it. I sipped my soda from the plastic cup, hanging around a few people who had dragged me along with them while we went to go talk to other people. It was hot out, and the sun was finally beginning to set. I talked every now and again, even trying my best not to care a tiny bit when boys would come up to me and ask what my plans were for either the entire summer, or in the next few days.

I replied with things that didn’t make it seem like I was avoiding them, for the first time all year. I answered honestly, not playing the complete social retard I had let on to be the entire year. The people who I was talking to seemed to notice a difference now, and it was funny how I started enjoying the party quite a bit more after I had given in and let myself be pulled away with groups of people I normally didn’t talk to.

What the fascination was with me tonight, I wasn’t quite sure. Maybe everyone just knew this was the last time a group of us this large was going to be together, and thought that maybe it would be fun to include socially inept Alaina. It was all fine with me though. Maybe a little socializing before I would no doubt start a summer of reclusion would do me some good. Who knows, maybe I’d even get some numbers and make friends all in one night.

Maybe after this night, I’d actually have people other than my few best friends to hang out with.

I wasn’t complaining. The next morning I woke up after three in the afternoon. While I’m sure everyone else at the party was waking up with headaches and hangovers, I was waking up refreshed.

Summer was here.

The rest of my life was here.

I had three months until my plane ticket would be of any use. Three months until I would need to pack and get my shit together so that I could go lead a new life in New York where I could live the way I wanted and not be bothered anymore by the reminders of why I hated Arizona so much. There simply was nothing here for me. Why I thought New York would be any different is anyone’s guess, but for once, it just sounded like a place I could honestly call home.

Even if it wasn’t my real home, and even if I moved to some other place after college. Right now, it’s what I needed. And three months to get myself together before embarking on that adventure didn’t sound terribly bad.

I suppose it was nice to have some time to tie everything up around here before I moved off and moved on.

***

It was funny how spending time with people made time fly. Somehow I’d actually made an effort to be somewhat social, accepting invites to hang out, instead of giving them the normal façade of how socially inept I was. Someone different to see almost everyday, and before I knew it, two and a half precious weeks of freedom had disappeared. I wasn’t complaining yet though, because for once, I felt like this was actually worth my time. I didn’t mind wasting away hours so long as I felt they all had a purpose.

Maybe as I grew up, I’d find more purpose in ordinary things--things I had never once before seen a point in.

And today, I thought I’d do something I hadn’t done in quite some time.

Today felt like a day for a walk. And not the walks I’d taken my dogs on during the school year, specifically avoiding Garrett’s house. Today, maybe I’d be brave and break the promise I’d made to myself last summer.

I suppose as long as I was doing things I’d never seen much of a point in during the school year, I might as well take a walk by his house for the first time since the end of last summer.

So after rolling out of bed and sliding on some shorts and a t-shirt, I pulled my hair up and made my way downstairs. Mom was snacking on some fruit in the kitchen while I called the names of my dogs. They skittered towards me, their feet not being able to catch any traction on the wood floors of the downstairs. I grabbed their harnesses from the garage, and as soon as the girls caught sight of the pink and purple harnesses they instantly danced around me, jumping onto my legs and racing around me in a circle.

I laughed, slipping the smaller of the two, Priscilla, into her pink harness. She raced around, pulling the retractable leash along with her while she waited by the front door. Sammy was the larger dog, even though she was still fairly small. She slipped into her purple harness, racing away from me to go wait by the door.

“Taking them out for a walk?” my mom asked, looking up from her newspaper while she stood at the island in the kitchen eating.

“Uh huh,” I murmured, heading out into the entryway where the girls were waiting for me. I smiled, grabbing a hold of their leashes before unlocking the door and opening it.

Once again, just as usual, I was yanked out of the house and onto the porch. Hastily I shut the door and made my way down the sidewalk as the girls pulled me along. It was quite hot today, and I certainly was glad I put my hair up. We were off to a pretty good pace at this point, the girls racing along as I knew that within the next fifteen minutes they’d be dragging along while I just tried to get them to make it all the way home.

I wondered if it was even possible for the girls to ever learn how to pace themselves on a walk. I suppose they probably didn’t remember that they had been on walks, and would thus charge down the sidewalk until they were exhausted. At that point we’d be towards the end of the walk anyways, the girls sauntering along with flopping tongues, me myself feeling like I got a work out.

We started off on the usual route, taking a few turns here and there to different streets. Eventually we were making our way to the end of the street that turned onto Garrett’s. My heart started to race a little faster as we turned down the street, our pace slowing now as the girls started to get tired.

Even from this distance, I could see the yellow Chevy radiating profusely in the sun. A small smile traced onto my lips as we walked towards his house, the girls still sniffing anything they could stick their noses in along the sidewalk. I pulled them along every few seconds, preventing them from making a mess or attempting to eat something.

They weren’t very smart dogs. I didn’t love them any less for that reason, however.

We were coming up on Garrett’s house now, when my ears perked upon hearing a noise. My head swiveled to where it was coming from, and I felt my heart speed up yet again when I saw that he was locking the front door. I slowed my pace substantially.

He stepped down his driveway, appearing to be heading towards his car.
I looked up at him as he approached me, crossing the sidewalk at the exact same point I was. Maybe this was it. Finally.

“Hey,” he said, the greeting casual.

My eyes were briefly tracing over his face while I tried to process that he had actually just said words to me. I could definitely say that a year away from home certainly hadn’t made him any less better looking.

“Oh, hi,” I said, trying to sound friendly. I smiled nervously, watching as he returned the gesture.

The girls were sniffing his legs, and I pulled them away gently, continuing on while I heard him unlock his car, slamming the door after I presumed he was seated inside.

Soon enough as I continued walking, my cheeks burning a bright red, I heard the car drive off.

So, that was it.

That was the first time we had come into contact. Over a year after I had first seen him. Don’t they say that good things take time? I wasn’t sure anything good could come of this though, when it had taken that long for contact of any sort to happen.

Didn’t I already tell myself that I’d forget about him?

Why yes, I did. Unfortunately though, I would probably be reeling about that four-second encounter for much longer than I should over the coming days or weeks. I really did need to learn how to accept that the closet connection I’ll ever have to Garrett Nickelsen is the fact that he lives in my neighborhood and attended my high school.

That was simply it.

We weren’t going to be friends. We probably wouldn’t run into each other again.

I was okay with that though. I was going off to art school in a matter of months where nothing here would matter.